Come back Be here
by Carafla
Summary: "Now here I am, where you live. It's not a coincidence, or chance, or fate, or luck or whatever. I HAD to be here. You have to know that don't you ?" Santana didn't answer, but she kept her eyes in Brittany's. "I'm here for you Santana, I never stopped loving you. You're the one for me and I'm sorry I turned my back on us 4 years ago, but I'm here today, ready to fight for you."
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone ! Here's my very first fanfic, which will be a multi-chapters fiction. I hope you like it ! I already have parts of the 2nd chapter written, please tell me if I should continue this.**

**I borrowed the title from one of Taylor Swift's new album RED, "Come Back… Be Here".**

**Just a few indications : I am french myself, so I will probably make a lot of mistakes in writing in english. Please accept my apologies, I try my best anyway. Besides, I don't have a beta, so be nice to me ! (If anyone is interested, let me know!)**

**Also Brittany's thoughts are underlined to make things clearer. Obviously, she's thinking in french, but I figured that it wouldn't be a good idea to write them in french as well. Just trying to spare you guys ;)**

**I'm opened to any suggestions, looking forward to them even ! **

**Now enjoy the very first chapter of this fiction :)**

_**I don't own the characters or anything.**_

She heard the woman's voice call out the last passengers for her flight. It was her turn to embark the plane, taking her back to a place she wasn't sure she'd ever see again. She wasn't exactly going to the same town, but New York wasn't too far from Lima, compared to her hometown in France. And besides, it was her first time back in the US after spending a year there as an exchange student, 5 years ago.

She found herself in a very similar position as she was in just a few years back. She remembered everything all too well : how anxious and impatient she was, wondering what would come out of the year to come. She knew that it would be everything to her. But she didn't expect that year to change her all life.

She made her way towards the stewardess, and then finally got on the plane. She was going to back, really going back. It was almost unexpected for her, although no-one in her close circle of relatives and friends had been really surprised when she shared the news. She was flying back but wasn't the same person that she was when she first went. Back then, she was 17 years old, had only graduated from high school in France, and didn't know anything from life. She had been so eager to discover everything in Lima, Ohio, to experience the american way of life.

But she hadn't expected the months she spent there to have such a huge impact on her life. To this day, she knew that it had changed her for the better. It had taught her everything she knew about generosity, kindness, friendship, love, and also pain and sacrifices.

_'No pain no gain right?'_ she thought.

She buckled her seat beat, and patiently looked outside the window, letting her mind drift off to one of her first memory of that time, as the plane started moving.

_Seating on the couch of the living room, Brittany tried to concentrate on what was going on, but had a hard time understanding anything at all. After a while, she got tired of it, and decided to let herself zone out. Back in France, she had always been very good in english. But here, it was a whole different story. She had to be fully focused if she wanted to understand anything at all._

_She was going to spend a year in Lima. The thought alone was overwhelming. She had been in town for a few days, and was only getting used to living with 'strangers'. Her host family was very nice to her, always very patient when trying to speak to her. It had not been long since she first met them, but she had had an instant feeling that they were gonna get along well._

_She kinda missed France already, but was also super excited about what was to come. She had been waiting for this for a long time. Ever since going on a school trip to London, back when she was not even 14 years old, she knew that if she was ever given the opportunity, she would spend some time abroad and learn english. _

_So when her dad talked to her about the exchange student program he knew about a few month ago, while she was still in her senior year of high school, she didn't hesitate long. _

_Now here she was, in Lima, living the dream. She had taken a plane, all alone, from Paris, said goodbye to all of her family, to her boyfriend, to her friends, to her cat, to her life. Well, to the life she had been living until this point. But she knew that everything would still be there a year from then. Or at least she hoped so. _

_"Brittany ?" she heard her host father's voice. Brad was a tall and cowboy looking man, but had kindness in his eyes. _

_It was really weird how everybody said her name here. She knew it was an american name, but wasn't used to the american pronunciation yet. _

_"Yes ! Sorry" Brittany felt bad for being caught dreaming while Brad was trying to talk to her. _

_"Don't worry Dear. I was just saying that Rachel will be home soon !" It was so pleasant for Brittany to see how he was talking the time to speak slowly, always making sure that she understood most of it. She wasn't an expert yet, but it wasn't hard to notice that he was usually not talking this way. She was also pretty sure that he didn't normally articulate every word like that. _

_'It would be weird' __The thought almost made her giggle. _

_"Oh oui ! Super !" Brad laughed at the very frenchy answer. Brittany knew that the word 'super' was both used in french and in english, so she shamelessly took advantage. _

_"She is very excited to meet you. She was bummed not the be at the airport with us and…" Brad interrupted is sentence all of a sudden, before starting again. "Oh, I hear a car, that must be her and Karen, oh my God this is going to be so much fun, you too are gonna get along so well I can already tell!"_

_'Ok, that was way too many words at once'.__ Brittany thought. She guessed that Brad was getting excited to see his daughter._

_From what she understood, Rachel, who was Brad and Karen's daughter, and was today, well right now, coming home after summer camp. When Brittany found out that they would go to the same high school, she felt relieved. At least she would know somebody there, and she would show her around. Maybe she would even introduce her to her friends, making everything much simpler. _

_She heard the front door open, and Brad flew out of the living room in the direction of the noises. _

_It was so strange to be in this family's house, watching them interact. It reminded her of bad reality tv in some weird way. She didn't want to intrude, but she also didn't want to appear rude and anything. In addition, she absolutely didn't want any of them to think that she didn't care. So she stood up and followed him nervously._

_As she made her way through the house, she saw Karen standing in the lobby, smiling at her husband and daughter hugging. The woman saw Brittany coming their way and hugged her also. _

_'__I guess they are huggers!'__. It wasn't a problem for the french girl. She had always been very friendly, smiling and warm person. What was strange was hugging someone to say 'Hello' to them. Like actually putting your arms around someone, even if you've only known them for a short while. _

_'__Of course, any american would find it much weirder to kiss someone's cheeks instead'.__ She shrugged the thought away and focused on the young girl approaching her. _

_Brittany had seen pictures of the family before even coming to Ohio, so she wasn't surprised by the girl appearance. What did however surprise her was the huge smile on the girl's face, as well and the excitement that came with it. She wondered whether the brunette was this happy to be back home because she got to see her parents, or if it was because of meeting her. Or maybe she was just being of usual self. __'That could be interesting!'_

_Rachel hugged her not so briefly, and then started talking, going on and on for at least 5 full minutes. Brittany really tried to understand anything at all. But the words were just coming out of the mouth so quickly, it was like one single huge word, like Rachel didn't even need to breath between sentences. She managed to get a few words out of it, but it didn't make any sense to her. She wrinkled her forehead in concentration, doing her best to keep up with her new american sister. _

_"Rachel, you're going to have to make an effort here, Brittany has only been here for a few days, she is not fluent just yet!" Karen laughed. _

_'__Thank God!'_

_"Your mother is right Rach', try and speak slowly and clearly. Also use easy and simple words. Brittany is pretty impressive with her english you will see, but she still needs people to be patient."_

_"Oh right I'm sorry Brittany!" Rachel continued much more slowly. "It is so nice to finally meet you! I was so disappointed when I found out that I would not be here for your arrival! am so excited to have you here! This is so awesome, we will be like sisters! School starts tomorrow, I will introduce you to all of my glee friends! Oh my God you have to join the Glee club! Can you sing? I am sure you can sing, and probably dance! This is amazing, you will love it! And everybody will want to meet you, you will be The French Girl, and I will be your sister! How great is that? I can not wait!" _

_Rachel was speaking overly slowly, but that was ok to Brittany. At least she was almost sure she understood everything. '__Still, slow rambling is pretty funny'._

_"It's very nice to meet you too" Brittany answered smiling. "And yes, I like to dance. A lot. Thank you for … everything you said." It was so frustrating for the blonde to not be able to sa what she really wanted to say. But at least she knew what was the conversation was about. _

_"I knew it! Well, I am going to unpack my things, and then I will join you guys in the living room for dinner!" And just like that, Rachel flew out of the room and went upstairs with her luggage._

_Brittany had taken a habit of helping Karen cooking, it was a nice moment to share with her host mom. They talked food obviously, but not only. Karen was interested in everything Brittany would tell her, about her family, about France, about dance, even about her cat. Mostly she talked about her 12 year old sister Emilie, whom she missed very much. _

_Although she knew Emilie would understand when growing why Brittany decided to go, she felt bad for leaving her. That's why she tried to Skype with her often, and also because she herself longed for her younger sister._

_Dinner was ready when Rachel came downstairs, and the family enjoyed the food together. Brittany was both surprised and relieved to realize how at ease she felt sitting at the Berry's table, being a part of their life. Something felt right. _

_'I'm going to fit just right here!' __were brittany's last thoughts as she later drifted off to sleep that night. After dinner, she and Rachel went upstairs to talk for a while and then she went to her bedroom to rest. _

_She liked Rachel already. Reading people was easy for her, and she found that it was still the case in another country. Her american sister, as she liked to call her in her mind, seemed like a very friendly girl, very talkative, like very very. She had told her all about the Glee club and her friends, who were apparently all members of the so-called club. _

_From what she could tell, the "club" was a place where people could sing and dance and be themselves, whatever that meant. Brittany wondered how could a person not be 'herself'. She never asked herself that kind of questions. She always stayed true to her feelings, not even considering doing otherwise. _

_Her mind took her back to the brunette next to her, who kept on talking and clapping her hands and jumping up and down in excitement. She guessed that her personality probably didn't please everyone, with her being always crazy cheery and loud, but she didn't care. Rachel and her would soon be friends, and that was enough for her to go to sleep with a smile._

_"Girls, you need to get to sleep! Tomorrow is a big day for both of you, first day of you senior year!" Brittany had heard Brad's voice call out from downstairs, interrupting Rachel's talk._

_Lying in her bed that night, the blonde felt both anxious and excited. She wondered what the next day would be like, and hoped she would make friends fast in this high school. _

_'I had no idea I was about to meet the most important person in my life'_ were Brittany's last thoughts as a voice interrupted them.

"Excuse me Miss, are you american ?" Brittany looked to her right, where the voice was coming from. She hadn't even cared to looke at who was seating next to her on the plane until now, so occupied with her daydream. Her eyes met with brown ones, looking at her with interest.

Being in Paris, but flying to New york, she figured it was one chance out of two for her to be american in his mind.

"Hm no actually, I am not." Brittany answered easily. She thought back to the first time she flew to the US, and smiled at the memory. Back then, she probably wouldn't even have understood the man's question.

"Oh sorry! Well then I guess you're french right?"

_'There you go Sherlock!'_ Brittany laughed as she thought about the answer she knew her favorite person in the all world would have given the man.

"Yes I am."

"Well, your english seems pretty good for a french woman!" Brittany wondered what the man wanted from her. She was usually very good with people, and always nice and polite to everyone, but she really wished he would just leave her to her thoughts. She was at a crossroads in her life, and needed to figure things out. But most of all, she needed a plan. She had to make things right with the one-person in the world that she was doing all of this for.

"Thank you" she replied simply, trying to keep her voice soft but not too encouraging.

"And what brings you to New york?" The man kept smiling at her while his eyes focused on every part of her face. It became obvious to Brittany that he was checking her out.

"I got a job there, so I'm moving."

"Waouu, that's awesome! We'll be neighbors!" He winked at her. Brittany was used to having men hit on her. She was a very attractive 24 year old woman. She usually didn't care, not taking the time to notice who those men were. However it never bugged her much. This man though was trying too hard, and it really wasn't the time.

Brittany just gave him the tiniest smile possible and went back to looking outside, hoping he would take the hint. Gladly he did.

She closed her eyes hoping sleep would take over. The man's brown eyes reminded her of other similar but much more beautiful eyes. She didn't really know anymore how to refer to the girl behind those eyes.

_'Santana'_ Brittany thought of the girl's name, accepting the sharp pain she felt in her heart.

She had been everything to Brittany for such a long time, a friend, a confident, a girlfriend, a lover. It was incredibly cliché and sad to call her her ex-girlfriend now, but she figured there was nothing else to say when facing the facts. They hadn't been in each other's lives in so long, hadn't talked in longer than the blonde had ever thought possible. To this day, she didn't how she got through all those years.

_'How did I end up losing the love of my life?'_ Brittany wondered sadly, washing tear off her face. That reality hit her once again, as it did everyday, and she hardly contained the other tears that were gathering in her eyes. She had done what she thought was right at the time, but had learned the hard way that the sacrifices you make for the ones you love often end up being the biggest regrets of your life.

It had gone on too long. She had been working her ass off in school for years to make this possible. Of course, at the beginning, she thought everything would go smoother. She thought that Santana and her would make it through the years in spite of the distance between them. She thought they would be the exception, that they were the ones that would make long-distance relationship work. But France wasn't exactly one hour away, and as strong and in love as they were, it hadn't been enough.

_'Love isn't always enough'_. Brittany had heard that a million times when things came crashing down. She had never believed it before, but with Santana, she had been forced to admit that it had been true.

They had broken up. Well, Brittany had broken up with Santana. And today she was on a plane to New York, on her way to the city they said they were both going to live in together, and build a nice life for themselves. She had had a great job offer, the dream job offer actually, and decided to drop everything back home, with only one thing in mind.

She was going to fight for her love, like she had forgotten to do 4 years ago. She was going to prove to everyone that in their case, Love would always be enough.

She was going to get Santana back.

_'I'll do whatever it takes"_


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello everyone ! **

**Thank you for the reviews and the favorite and followers !**

**Let me just clarify one thing real quick, before I let you go on with the reading : Brittany is indeed 24 in the present. **

**She was 17 when she first went to the US, but soon going to turn 18. Like, she went in august of 2006, turned 18 later that year.**

**Then when she went home, one year later, she was almost 19, summer of 2007. Now is 5 years later, 2012, and she is 24. I feel like this is even more confusing for you! Sorry :/**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy the 2nd chapter. I don't know how I fell about it, maybe you can tell me. And please, I love suggestions =)**

**Bisous !**

_**I don't own the characters or anything.**_

"Hello ?" Brittany felt relieved when she recognized the woman's voice at the other end of the line. She hadn't heard that voice in almost 4 years, and wasn't sure if the woman still had the same number.

The rain was pouring out, and the taxi she was in was slowly making its way towards her destination. The flight had been eventless, and she was glad to almost be at the end of her journey.

"Hi Rachel" Brittany quietly answered, signing in relief. She had missed Rachel so much over the last few years. Once again, she asked herself what kind of strength she had in her to be able to just shut a whole part of her life out. When she had broken up with Santana, she didn't know it would be the end of the american side of her identity.

But as the first days, weeks and months had passed, hearing from her former friend, _'my american sister,_ she thought, had become more and more painful, every conversation leaving her feeling even more empty and breathless. Everything reminded her of her ex-girlfriend. Yet Rachel had always been very careful and never mentioned Santana directly.

Brittany had been torn between wanting to know how the woman she still loved was doing, if like she was barely surviving like herself, or if she was moving on with her life slowly, not missing her french ex-girlfriend anymore. She both feared and wished for that.

But she had to make things easier for herself. She knew she wasn't going to get by if things continued that way. That's why she stopped responding the Rachel's calls, and wrote her an email explaining her decision to cut her out of her life, for a while at least.

"Brittany ? Oh my God…" Rachel added whispering. Of course she recognized her. Only she said the brunette's name this way.

"Yes it's me Rachel… I… Are you… It's…" _'Breath! and speak!'_ She commanded herself. "I am in New York city. Can I see you ?"

Brittany always went straight to the point, never beating around the bush. It didn't make her cocky of arrogant, just constantly true to herself. She saw no interest in hiding what she wanted or wished for.

And this conversation wasn't going to be handled differently by her. However, she had no idea how her american sister would react. Absolutely none.

As the other end of the lined remainder silent, she wondered if the call had somehow ended. When she found that it hadn't, she freaked out even more. Rachel had never been the quiet kind.

"Rachel ?" she tried, "are you still there ?"

"You're in New York ? As in you're in the United States ?"

"Well, do you know any other city called New York ?" Brittany joked. Maybe it would ease the atmosphere.

Rachel put the joke aside, before speaking : "Why are you here ? I don't understand. I thought you were done with us ? And now you call me, after 4 years of silence, telling me that you are in New York ! What do you expect from me ? I mean wooooo, I need to seat down. This is nit how I thought my day would go. How is this even happening ? How did you get my number ? Oh yes right it's still the same. But seriously, why are you calling me ? No, WHY ARE YOU IN NEW YORK ?"

Rachel's rambling reassured Brittany. She was still her old self, and so she let her go on and on, knowing that was her way to process everything and analyze the situation.

"I got a new job after I got my diploma, and it's out here. I'm going to live here now, for real."

"WHAAAAAT ?! You're… Really ? But how… I mean, I thought, you said.. That email…" Rachel was really having a hard time comprehending what was going on. Brittany didn't blame her.

"I know, and I will explain everything Rachel. Please breath and calm down alright? I'm very sorry for the way I am putting all of this on you right now, but I thought you deserved a call instead of just finding your new address and dropping by."

"Well yeah that would have been bad!" Rachel laughed.

_'There you go!'_ Brittany high fived herself. Rachel continued : "But B why New York ? Are you sure it's a good idea ?"

The blonde knew what her friend was referring to. But this wasn't a conversation she was willing to have over the phone.

"Rachel, please, are you free today ? Right now ? I will explain everything you need me to, but not like this on the phone. Please trust me ? Please let me see you. I know I don't deserve it, but I really need you." Brittany sounded so hesitant and uncertain. It wasn't like Brittany but she was so ashamed of her behavior. She hoped the brunette would accept to see her and let her apologize over and over again for what she did. She had missed her so much and was ready to have her back in her life. She also needed someone on her side.

"Brittany… Of course you can come see me." Rachel gave her her address and a huge smile appeared on the blonde's face as she indicated her new destination to the taxi driver.

"Thank you so much. I'll see you in a little bit, I can't wait!" she told Rachel.

Of course she had said yes. She was Rachel. She had always been there for the french girl, from the very beginning. Brittany remembered how the brunette had constantly been taking care of her when they lived together. The first day of high school hadn't bee, different. Rachel had been perfect, showing her around and explaining every little detail of the blonde's day perfectly. Thinking of that day was bittersweet to Brittany, because it was also the day she met the one and only Santana Lopez.

_As the care stopped at a red light, Rachel suddenly turned to Brittany, who was silently trying to look around and see as much as she possibly could. The roads were all so large, the cars were even bigger than she imagined, and everything looked so.. american! '__Just like in movies' __she thought._

_"Don't worry about anything. I will take you to the principle office. He just wants to meet you in person. He is a weird guy but nothing to be anxious about. And then I'll take you to your first class, American Government right? Daddy showed me your schedule, we have algebra and french together. So cool! I am so going to show you off. I am sure your french will be much better than the teacher's! I swear sometimes she doesn't even understand herself what she is talking about." _

_'__She really doesn't breath does she__?' Brittany thought smiling at her. _

_"Thank you again! And I'm sure the french teacher isn't that bad." Brittany could help but smirk. French class was going to be the one time of the day where she would be the one in control. The one who would understand everything without even would be free to speak in french, knowing that her pronunciation would be perfect, as well as her vocabulary and grammar. That sounded like Heaven. _

_Thinking about school starting, Brittany couldn't be happier. She had never been a shy girl, and she knew she had to take advantage of that. '__And with the help of Rachel, everything will go smoothly'__ she thought to herself as she looked at the brunette driving through the huge high school parking lot. _

_While they made their way towards the entrance, Brittany looked around at all the students walking around them. She wondered if anybody could tell that she was new here ('probably' she thought). _

_Of course, she wasn't like your everyday new student, but nobody would be able to tell before meeting her properly. It was like a secret she shared with only Rachel at the moment._

_For the blonde, it was nothing but ordinary, but she imagined if the role were reversed, and began to share Rachel's excitement about her being the only french person walking the halls of the Mckinley High School._

_After a short talk with Mr Figgins, the school's principal, Brittany found Rachel waiting for her right outside of the office. _

_"So, how did it go ? What did he want to say to you ? Did he say anything special ?"_

_"He just wanted to welcome me and make sure that I knew what to do and where to go and everything…" Brittany answered, quite proud of her sentence. Being around Rachel would rapidly have its perks for her. When she would be able to have a decent conversation with her, she would be able to have one with anyone._

_"Alright, see, everyone will be just as welcoming ! Or almost…" Rachel didn't finish her sentence, leaving Brittany wondering what she had meant by that, as they started walking in the halls. Rachel showed her where her locker was, and then took her to her first class. They both entered the room and Rachel exchanged a few words with the teacher, explaining him the situation. Brittany was very grateful. She liked Rachel even more for being so considerate._

_She looked around the classroom as a few students made their way in, not really noticing her. _

_"Oh no, don't tell me you're on this class Berry !?" Brittany heard a voice say in annoyance as Rachel was getting back to her. Strangely enough, she got the meaning behind the words. She looked at Rachel, who suddenly looked down, avoiding her eyes and obviously trying to find a way to escape the situation. _

_"It's hard and painful enough to have to seat with you in Glee club!" _

_"Hum, no I'm not. I was just hmmm…" It was the first time Brittany saw Rachel stammer. The voice had come from a girl, that much she knew. She had her back to her, so she turned around and was met by the most surprising sight she had had for a while. _

_In front of her was standing a slightly shorter girl than her, hands on her hips and scowl on her face. She was wearing a cheerleader uniform and a high ponytail, making her look that much more intimidating. But the very first think Brittany notice was how beautiful the girl was, with her high cheekbones and her pouty lips. _

_'__And those eyes!' __she thought. She couldn't really tell if they were chocolate brown eyes, or just plain black eyes, but they were fascinating. _

_She took the to take in the girls appearance, before going back to stare at her girl was still looking at Rachel, displeasure written all over her face, and did not seem to have noticed the blonde girl standing on the side._

_Brittany could feel Rachel getting less and less at ease, and felt the urge to say something, forgetting that she wasn't exactly the best english speaker in the room. As a matter of fact, she started by forgetting that speaking french wasn't the best option._

_"Non non elle est juste là pour m'aider." __**(no she's just here helping me)**_

_The girl finally looked at Brittany in surprised, finally noticing her. Nobody said anything for a while, and Brittany wondered why. The black eyed girl was still staring at her, looking less annoyed. Her face had visibly softened, and the blonde easily stared back._

_"What?" she finally answered. Brittany could tell that she was trying to sound irritated, but didn't do a very good job._

_"It's ok Brittany" Rachel said before the blonde could even answer. She suddenly realized that she had spoken in french, and added "Oh sorry! I, Rachel is not, I mean she…" _

_'Ughh I can't even make a proper sentence!"__ Brittany was very annoyed at herself, but wondered if maybe the beautiful girl standing in front of her didn't make her even more self-conscious._

_"Don't worry Brittany, it's okay." Rachel said, before adding, looking at the other girl "And no I'm not staying Santana, I was just showing Brittany around, it's her first day here. I'll go now. I'll see you at lunch Brittany." Rachel left the room so fast Brittany didn't even have the time to answer anything._

_Santana smirked as she looked Rachel's way, before looking back and Brittany a little longer than normal, not smirking anymore. Then heading towards a table to take a seat, leaving the blonde alone standing in the front of the classroom._

_Brittany quickly ran after Rachel, needing some kind of explanation. When she caught up with her, she called her name out. The brunette turned around, surprised._

_"What happened in the class ? Who was it?" Brittany asked her._

_"It was nothing, don't worry about it B." Rachel tried to sound as bubbly as usually. The blonde smiled at the nickname, but noticed Rachel's tone._

_"Rachel, tell me please…" Brittany gave Rachel her best pout, testing it for the first time in her new town. She gave herself an internal 'high five' when Rachel obliged._

_"OK… Well this was Santana. She is a member of the glee club, but also head cheerleader with Quinn Fabray. She kind of runs this school. Do you know this means ?" When Brittany nodded, she continued._

_"We are not exactly friends. She used to make my life miserable, but since she joined Glee, she's content with just acting like a bitch towards me. It's ok really. Usually we don't ever interact outside of Glee club."_

_It was a lot of words for Brittany, but she managed to understand most of it. However, she didn't really know how to answer. She wanted to ask more questions about the latina to the brunette, but she knew it was time for class. Besides, Rachel didn't seem like she wanted to talk about her anymore. Brittany looked at her a little while longer, not saying anything._

_"Don't worry about me B, it is fine. Go back to class, and be careful with her. She can be very friendly to girls like you, but she never really cares." Rachel finished quietly, before leaving Brittany once more. _

_The blonde thought about the last girl's words and wondered what she had meant. She let her mind wander as she made her way inside the classroom._

_'Santana… That's her name'__ Brittany thought before being interrupted : "Brittany, take a seat please, the class is about to start"_

_The teacher knew that she was an exchange student, but still spoke way to fast for her to understand the words. However, she had a pretty good idea of what he expected from her, and looked around for an empty seat. When she found one, she made her way to it, glancing at Santana who was looking at her. _

_She took a seat right in front of the other girl, and felt her eyes piercing through her skull throughout the one hour class. The latina didn't say anything to her during the class, and neither did any of the students. However, when the bell ringed, when Brittany was gathering her things, Santana approached her confidently and with a slight smile. _

_"So you're friends with the hobbit huh?"_

_Brittany was taken aback by the black haired girl's tone. She acted like she owned the place and looked overly confident. This cockiness appeared fake to the french girl. She wasn't sure she understood what the shorter girl was talking about. Santana stared at her, expecting an answer to her simple question. She kept on waiting until Brittany tried : "I am sorry I don't understand."_

_The blonde usually didn't really care about making any mistakes. After all it was normal for her, she was only learning, and she was actually making good progress already. But with Santana's eyes on her, she really wished she could simply speak her mind and not appear weird. _

_But she didn't expect the latina's voice to turn from arrogant to genuinely curious and almost sweet. She asked, her eyebrows scrunching : "What do you mean?"_

_It was like the girl standing in front of Rachel an hour ago had turned into a gentle and nice one. Brittany smiled at her, and took enough time to choose her words carefully. Santana waited patiently for her answer._

_"I am an exchange student from France. My english is bad, it's very hard for me to understand when people talk and even harder to speak myself." _

_'__Nailed it!'_

_"Waou, really ?! That's awesome! I love France!" Santana winked at Brittany who took pride and blushed. She didn't care though, she was never the kind to hide her emotions. The latina seemed genuine and Brittany was beginning to really enjoy the other girl. _

_While they made their way out of the classroom, Santana asked her how she knew Rachel. _

_"She is my new sister" Brittany simply answered. Santana looked at her, puzzled._

_'__Ok that sounded weird' _

_"I mean, I live with her here. She and her parents are my host family."_

_'__Much better!'_

_Santana looked like she absolutely didn't expect this as an explanation, but she quickly recovered from her surprise, going back to looking confident and in control. _

_'__This girl is trying to control everything and constantly keeps herself in check'__ Brittany analyzed._

_"Seriously ?! Well, lucky you huh ?" Santana laughed. Brittany could tell the cheerleader was being sarcastic but she still wanted to agree. Before she got a chance though, Santana added with a smirk that the blonde was starting to know very well : "I really hope she doesn't scare you away before we can properly get to know each other!"_

_Santana winked at her again and turned around walking away from the blonde, leaving her alone in the middle of the hallway, blushing again. Brittany knew that Santana had talked slowly on purpose, making sure she would understand every single word. _

_She didn't really know how could the Berrys possibly scare her away, with them being the nicest people ever, but at the moment she didn't even want to think about that. _

_She only cared about girl who seemed to have taken a interest in knowing her. She thought back about what Rachel had told her, and wondered what she really had meant._


	3. Chapter 3

**There you go, 3rd chapter! I've had a lot of time today so, yeah =)**

**Sorry for any mistakes. And thank you for everything. Let me know what you think !**

_**I don't own the characters or anything. **_

**Enjoy!**

Brittany paid the taxi driver, and looked at the building in front of her. She had only one suitcase with her. The company who hired her had arranger the transportation on her other stuff, mostly clothes, and she was happy to not be drowning under luggages.

She didn't take much from France though. 'A fresh start is a fresh start for a reason' she thought.

Taking in the very nice and fancy appearance of the building, the blonde wasn't surprised to see that Rachel had done well for herself. She stepped forward grabbing her luggage with shaky hands. Soon she was let in the lobby and walked in the direction of the elevator. She smiled at one memory came to her mind. It was around the middle of her year as an exchange student.

_"How do you see yourself in 5 years B ?" The blonde looked up from her computer, where she was writing a long email to her parents. _

_"What do you mean how do I see myself in 5 years ? Won't I always see myself the same? I'll always be just me, right ?"_

_"Yes of course you will B!" Rachel giggled and the adorableness of her friend. "I mean where do you want to be ? What do you want to be doing ? You know ?"_

_"Oh ! Well that's easy. I'll be living with Santana, probably in New York city. And you will be there too !" Brittany answered matter of factly like it was the most obvious thing in the world. _

_Rachel frowned a little bit, but Brittany acted like she didn't notice. She knew the brunette still had her reservations on the relationship she shared with Santana. Well, probably no anymore actually, but Rachel still was uncertain regarding what would happen to the girls once Brittany would leave Lima. The blonde had no idea at the time how much of a struggle it would be._

_"That's nice. And of course I'll be here." She said winking. "New York is the dream after all! I myself can only tell you the one thing I know : if in 5 years I am indeed living n New York, in a nice building with a big lobby and everything, I'll be in Paradise!" _

'_She did it. Way to go!'_ It made the french girl so happy for her friend. At the same time she felt terrible for not even knowing how Rachel got where she was. She had missed so much, and she would never be able to take those years back.

The door in front of her opened slowly, leaving nothing between her and her american sister. And for a few seconds, it was like nothing had changed, like the years didn't matter. They both stared at each other a little longer, before Brittany decided to say something in a soft voice.

"Rachel, it's so so good to see you. I…" she sighed. "I've missed you so much." Tears were already gathering in her eyes but she didn't even try to hide it. Besides, Rachel's eyes were not dry either.

"I missed you too B. Come on in, let's not let my neighbors enjoy the show longer."

Brittany walked in the large apartment, nicely decorated, Rachel style. She didn't look around too long though, wanting to focus on her friend instead.

"Do you want something to drink ? Tea ? Soda ? Beer ? Wine ? Café ?" She added almost laughing.

"Water is fine, thank you Rach' " The old nickname easily came out of her mouth without her saying it on purpose. But the brunette didn't seem to mind. She went in the kitchen to get theirs drinks. When she got back, Brittany was holding a frame she found on top of the piano. It was a picture of the 2 women on graduation day. She looked at herself, so young and happy. She wasn't really unhappy now, but the past few years had been hard on her. The girl in the picture was so carefree and sure everything would turn out right that it was painful to watch.

They were both sitting in the couch now, facing each other. Rachel spoke first.

"Brittany, what is going on here ?" She seemed to confused with everything, and the blonde knew it was the worst feeling in the world for her friend.

"I have been hired to work here in New York Rachel, right after I got my diploma. It has been a long time coming, but it finally happened."

"I didn't think you wee still going to want to live here B, after you just… left us all." Brittany frowned at the words, but they were correct? She did leave everyone behind, voluntarily.

"I… Rachel you will never know how sorry I am for everything. I just… At the time it felt like the right thing to let… 'her' go, and I couldn't keep talking to you without it hurting me more each time… I know it was terribly selfish of me, and believe me I've never felt worse about anything. The thing is, I just didn't see any other way." Brittany felt so ashamed. She couldn't even look not Rachel's eyes while speaking, facing the floor instead.

And then her friend said the most surprising words ever in a sigh.

"I understand B." She took a deep breath before continuing : "I really do. Things went to hell and you just needed to escape a reality you hated. It doesn't make you a bad person. You've always been so perfect all the time, that this only made you human. Nobody's flawless, we all make mistakes."

Brittany was speechless. She did not expect her friend to be the one to find her excuses for what happened. But she couldn't say she was really surprised. Rachel had always been one of the best people she ever met, and the past few years hadn't change that.

Brittany kept apologizing for at least 10 more minutes, and then they talked about the technicalities of Brittany's moving. Soon the conversation took a different turn.

"B, not that I am not very very happy to have you back my life, but… Wait I do have you back right? You're not gonna leave again right ?" Rachel tried to joke, but Brittany could tell she was at least half serious. She realized once more how much she had hurt her friend, and felt even more guilty.

She answered seriously : "No Rach', I'm back for you. I'm not leaving again, I promise."

"Ok great!" Relief was all over her face. "So, as I was saying, I am very happy that you're here, but there is one thing I can't help but wondering. Do you know that… I mean she, she, she…"

A stammering Rachel was a unique sight, and Brittany would have laughed if the discussion had been on anything else.

"I know that she lives here now too, yes." Brittany figured there was no use in trying to avoid the huge elephant in the room. She tried to keep her eyes on Rachel, but had to look down at some point. The pain she felt was almost too much to handle. For so long, she had avoiding anything reminding her of Santana, and it wasn't that hard back in France. Nobody there knew her and their history except for her close family. She never talked about her, and kept their pictures and stuffs very well hidden. It had become a habit but this time was over.

She knew that however, and had been preparing herself for this kind of situations. _'I can handle it.' _

"Oh you do… And huh… Are you going to do something about it ? Or just… I mean, this is a very big city, with lots and lots of people, you could easily live here and not even…"

"No Rach', that's not… I am not going to be here and pretend that… It's really not the plan. There is no way on hell I could ever live in the same city as Santana freaking Lopez and not 'do something about it' like you said." She didn't want to sound harsh and anything, but she was tired of pretending that she was fine without the latina. She could never be anything remotely close to fine without her. Her heart was aching and the thought of going on living her life this way.

She added sadly in a whisper : "I could barely make it this past few years living on the same planet as her and not having her in my life."

The sight in front go Rachel was heartbreaking. She had never seen her friend so fragile and vulnerable. Not even when she was in Lima and her little sister had to go to the hospital because she injured herself pretty bad falling from a tree. Back then, she had felt so terrible for not being there for Emilie, going on and on about what a 'bad sister' she was.

"I didn't know B…" the brunette replied softly, reaching her hand out to hold Brittany's. "We all figured that you moved on and forward and just… Phewww I don't even know anymore what we thought. It seems crazy now. I should have known that you were not doing fine after… I am so sorry." Rachel was so perfect. She had done nothing wrong, and yet there she was, feeling bad for Brittany.

"It's ok, I made the bed I'm sleeping in, or something." She said almost cracking up a smile.

"Soooo, what now B ?"

"Well right now I'm here with you, and then I'll go to me fancy new apartment. I haven't even seen it yet, but I've been told that it's all ready for me. Which is a relief, I really don't feel like moving furnitures." Brittany said simply.

"Oh ok, that's great, I'm glad everything has been taken care of for you." There was the Rachel Brittany had always known. The girl aways took care of the blonde, and obviously enjoyed when somebody did it for her.

"But actually, what I meant with 'what now' is more what are you gonna do, you know, what's your plan with… ?" Rachel seemed hesitant.

"You can say her name you know. I can handle it, I'm not gonna break down. I did that enough already, and I want to put this whining stuff behind me." Brittany said with force. "And to answer your question, there's only what thing to do now. And I wouldn't be here in New York for any other reason. I am going to get Santana back."

Nobody said anything for a while. It was like everything was frozen in time. Brittany wondered what Rachel's silence meant. It was very strange? She should have screaming and screaming again, or she should have jumped into Brittany's arms. Or whatever. But not this, that silence. It wasn't habitual and it scared Brittany more than anything. Rachel kept looking at her thinking hard.

"It's been a long time B, are you sure this is a good idea ? Are you even sure this is what you really want ?" Rachel asked in an incredibly quiet voice.

Brittany had no words. She didn't know what to answer to this simple yet meaningless question. It was like she was back being the exchange student who didn't understand english. What was Rachel saying ? Why was she saying that ?

"You were there Rachel, you were there when we fell in love! How can you ask me if this is what I really want ?" she sounded mad but in reality she was just taken aback and disappointed and hurt. Of course she knew she had absolutely no right to be, because come on, she did break up with Santana after all, and never looked back for 4 years.

"B, don't be angry at me. It's just so out of nowhere and sudden. Like paaaf, you get a job and move to New York, and all of a sudden you want Santana back ?" She sounded almost defensive of the latina, which was weird. They never really became friends, even if Brittany's relationship with her made Santana behave better towards the brunette. What was going on ?

_'I'm reading too much into this.'_ the blonde pondered.

"It's not like that Rach'. I know that what it seems like, but like I said, the dream never changed. Do you remember ? Me breaking up with her never meant I stopped wanting what I wanted. You may not understand, but you have to believe me. I'm not saying anything lightly here, trust me. I've had so much time to think about all of this, and I never doubted myself and my feelings. I mean every word I'm saying. And I am ready to fight for this today and every day that's coming. This is serious. Please, please, I'm begging you, believe me."

Tears were now freely coming down Brittany's cheeks. She put her face in her hands and brought her knees to her chest, sobbing softly.

Rachel enlaced her with both of her arms, and whispered :"Shhhh, it's ok B. It's ok. I'm sorry, I just needed to be sure. Of course this is serious. Shhh, calm down sweetie, it's all good…"

"Rachel, do you think I am too late ?" It wasn't a very smart question, for many reasons. What if Rachel said 'yes I do' ? What then ?

_'Besides they're not even friends. She couldn't possibly know.' _

Surprisingly, Rachel answered quickly, not missing a bit : "I don't know B. She's been through so much and she isn't… She doesn't even want to hear your name anymore or anything. She's not the same anymore."

"What, what do you mean ?" Brittany didn't even think to ask how her friend knew that.

"When you…" she didn't finish her sentence.

"You can say it you know." Both girls looked at each other, both understanding the silent words their eyes were thinking.

"When you broke up with her, for a while it was like… She didn't want to believe it. She acted like nothing happen, she didn't even want to acknowledge the facts. Nobody was allowed to mention it in front of her or she would just… Explode in rage, literately. You know how scary she can be!"

Rachel paused as Brittany nodded with a smile. While she had never found Santana, not like that anyway, she knew she probably was the only person in this case. But then again, the latina had never acted with anybody else the way she did with her.

Rachel continued : "But the it hit her, that you weren't coming back, that she was not going to get a call from you crying and apologizing and asking for her back. I've never seen anything like that… It's like she… disappeared. She wasn't there anymore. She just… shut down. We were all so worried she wouldn't come on of this state. But then she did and for a while I thought that things were finally getting better. But I soon realized that she was acting like nothing happened again, but it was even worse. She acted like you never happened. Never mentioned your name again, and that was it. Like the best thing that ever happened to her vanished into nothing. Sometimes I think that she is also into this nothingness. Stuck. Anyone who knows could tell you how empty she looks. I mean, she looks fine on the outside, but if you take a better look, it isn't hard to see that she never recovered from… You. She has nothing to give anymore."

Rachel took a breath. She seemed emotionally exhausted from her speak. "To this day, she still never talks about you. Well nobody does really, especially around her. This is how she chose to handle what happened, and I can't blame her. But she seems to be doing better this days, just a little tiny bit, but still, and I would hate for your return to turn her head upside down again."

The long speech left Brittany breathless. She had never heard anything from Santana's state after they… separated. She couldn't believe she did this. To the one person in the whole world she loved the most. She had promised her over and over that she would never hurt in this way, and yet that's exactly what she did. She would never forgive herself.

"I… I never meant to hurt her. I just wanted her to be happy, and it wasn't working anymore. I wanted to set her free, to allow her to live her life freely, because our relationship was tearing both of us down. I could see how badly she was taking it, it was slowly destroying us both. It was too hard Rachel, I…"

Brittany barely took the time to breath.

"I didn't know, Rachel I swear, if I could go back I would have never… I made the biggest mistake of my life, I wish I could…" Between her accent and her sobs, only someone very used to her could have understood a single word she said. Luckily Rachel had always been the best in that task.

"Brittany sweetie there's nothing you can do to change what happened. I didn't say all of that to make you feel worse about yourself. I just want you to be prepared… Santana isn't going to look at you the way she used to. She isn't going to be the girl you knew. She's always been so different with you. I hope you don't it too hard."

"I know all of that, and I'm ready. I've never been more ready in my life." Brittany took a deep breath, and wondered : "How do you know so much about her ?"

She was genuinely curious as to why the brunette was so protective of the latina.

"Well, we kinda… became friends after you… It was hard for both of us, and it brought us together in some weird way, as incredible as it sounds. As a matter of fact, she's supposed to come for dinner tonight, although she's been whining about it for days, claiming that veggie's food is crap. Whatever."

Brittany giggled. That was so Santana. She had a hard time imaging Santana and Rachel being friends though. It was surreal. '_What else Have I missed ?'_

Then she started panicking. Santana was coming here. For dinner. Like here, where Brittany was right now. In the same building, same apartment, same room, with Rachel.

'_Like whaaaat ?!'_

"Relax B, she won't be here for another…" she looked at her watch and surprise appeared on her face. "10 minutes! Oh my God, and she's never late! Brittany, what do we do ? Oh my God oh my God, this is a disaster, nothing is ready, and she is going to think I set this up! I'm so dead!"

"No don't worry Rach', I can go really quick. I don't want to ambush her, this would be wrong on so many levels. Besides if you're friends now, she wouldn't kill you!" Brittany almost joked.

Rachel seemed relieved and thankful. "Really ? Ok, thank you B! I got scared for a while there. You have to hurry though. Call me tomorrow ok, we'll meet again and talk more. I am so happy to have you back. I've missed you so much, I can't even…"

"I missed you too sis!" Brittany replied meaningfully, facing Rachel's sincere eyes. She grabbed her purse and jacket and walked with Rachel to the door. As they quickly hugged, her heart was beating so fast at the thought that Santana would be here, breathing the same oxygen, in such a short while. Maybe she could hide out in the street, just to watch her arrive and go in.

_'Stalker much ?'_ she thought, rolling her eyes at herself. And that made her think of her first moments with Santana, especially one.

_It had been two weeks since Brittany had started high school, and things had been going good. Her english was improving fast and she was now much better at understanding a conversation. She could even talk and make sense. She had made a few friends already, and everyone in school seemed interesting in her in some way, and very curious. She had been asked all kind of random questions about France, which made her giggle most of the time. It was never disrespectful. _

_'They all love France it seems!'__. She couldn't blame them though, France rocks!_

_She had joined the Glee club, which was very fun. A place where all you to do is sing and dance and have fun and make friends to hang out with. I mean come on, does it ever get better than that ? Everyone had been pretty impressed by her dancing skills, and they all had welcomed her with joy. _

_There was one thing that didn't suit with her though. Santana while being nothing but polite to her, barely ever acknowledged her presence, and never attempted t talk to her again. She had no idea what was up with that ? _

_She on the other hand, had had a very hard time not staring at the girl. She was fascinating, and Brittany wanted nothing more but get to know her. But the latina remained silent towards her, and even towards Rachel, who noticed as well. _

_One time, they were lying on Brittany's bed silently listening to music, when Rachel spoke out of nowhere : "I wonder what's up with Santana ?"_

_The blonde tried to answer nonchalantly : "What do you mean ?"_

_She wanted to bring the subject but didn't know how._

_"Well, she's been weirdly nice to me. I mean, not really nice, but she hasn't been a pain in the ass, which is probably the same when this is Santana we're talking about."_

_"Hmm, she hasn't talked to me since the first day of school. And I don't know her, I wouldn't know… Do you think something's wrong with her ?" Brittany asked a little bit too fast, making Rachel laugh._

_"Breath B! Your english is very much better now, but you still need t breath !" the brunette teased._

_"Look who's talking!" Brittany replied, smirking._

_"Whatever! And huh, no I don't think anything is wrong with Santana, she's been acting the same to everyone else. That's what makes this so weird. But anyway, let's go see what we're going to wear for tomorrow's party!" the brunette said, suddenly walking outside of the room._

_Brittany knew the conversation was over, and even though she would have liked to keep talking about her new favorite subject, she knew she couldn't. She followed Rachel, wondering if the latina would show up at the party._

_The next day, she decided to straight up ask Santana is she was indeed going to the party. At lunch break, she saw her walking alone in the halls, and followed her from a distance. The latina looked behind her and saw her; she barely waved at her and kept walking. This was so discouraging for the blonde. But she was tenacious. After a while of walking behind her, Santana paused, and turned around, surprising Brittany._

_"Are you following me" she asked in disbelief, before her eyes softened as the met with Brittany's. The blonde's knees went jelly._

_"No, I mean yes, but I like saying 'walking closely behind someone' better" she tried with a tiny smile. Santana eyebrows went up on her face, and then she looked like she was thinking of something to say. Brittany decided to speak next, but once again, the latina surprised her in the nicest way._

_"Well, you can stalk me anytime Brittany". The flirtatious tone of Santana's voice left the blonde speechless, but she knew she had to recover quickly, before the latina could turn around and walk away._

_With an obvious blush on her face, that Santana didn't miss considering the smirk on her face, Brittany asked : "Are you coming to the party tonight ?"_

_"Yes I am, why ?" The latina seemed surprised by the question._

_"Do you maybe want to go together ?" _

_'Woooo, way to be forward BRITTANY!'__. Not that she wasn't always like that, but here in Lima, she had learnt to be more careful with her words. She didn't like it though, and figured being herself with the beautiful girl on front of her was the best way to deal with all the things she was making her feel. _

_'Because that's a freaking mess yeah!'_

_To say that the latina was completely surprised was the understatement of the century. Brittany had heard talks about her, and knew she was a player. Everyone in school, boys and girls, wanted her or wanted to be like her, and she knew it. After all, Brittany thought, she was the most beautiful girl she had ever seen._

_She guessed that the shorter girl standing in front of her wasn't used to being asked out like that, more used to being the one in control. But Brittany wasn't like anybody else._

_"Are you asking me out ?" Santana asked, still not entirely sure of what was going on. _

_"I… I just want to go to the party with you. I want to get to know you, and I thought this would be a good way. Will you go with me ?" Brittany stated simply. She kept on eyes on the latina the all time, making her look down. The confident girl disappeared, leaving a simple and yet amazingly beautiful girl on front of Brittany. She couldn't take her eyes off of her. _

_Santana looked up, a blush still on her face, and stared back into the blonde's blue eyes._

_Nobody said anything for a while, but things didn't get awkward. It was like something happened in this hallway. Something neither one of them could explain, even months later. Like two worlds collided, making Brittany's a part of Santana's and the other way around too. Neither girl fully understood what happened that day, but both felt that it was one of those moments that you remember forever._

_Finally, Santana opened her mouth to say : "I'll pick you up at 8. See you then". It was a simple yet amazing answer. Like the words were a melody to Brittany's ears. The latina smiled at her and turned around. It wasn't the smile Santana usually had on her face. It was a smile Brittany had never seen on her before. A smile that could light up a dark room, a smile that nobody could ever forget. A smile that you could get high on, and never want to let go. A smile that Brittany would miss everyday a few years later._

_'What just happened ?' She wondered. She couldn't help but feel impatient and anxious about the party. She was going with Santana, and she couldn't be happier !_


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello dear readers, here's the next chapter for you !**

**Someone requested more french in my fic, so there you go, I hope this will please you ! Merci pour la suggestion, je n'y avais pas pensé c'est vrai, mais excellente idée ! Par contre je suis moins à l'aise pour écrire en français, j'espère que ça ira quand même. ;)**

**Feel free to give me any ideas you might have, I'll consider anything ! Thank you for your reviews and everything else.**

**Enjoy =)**

_**I don't own any of the characters.**_

Rachel opened the door to let Brittany out while she took one last look inside.

Everything happened to fast. The blonde's eyes fell again on her friend, who was facing the hallway. However the look on her face turned from contentment to … _'__Fear ?__'_

It was like the full fledge panic attack was right around the corner.

Before she could even take a look at what Rachel was facing , Brittany knew. She knew without a doubt the reason behind the brunette's reaction. There's no way to explain what happened, but she really did know with certainty that Santana was standing there, a few feet away from her. Santana Lopez. The love of here life.

She closed her eyes for just 2 seconds, trying to calm herself down. Her hands were shaking, she was both warm and cold, her mind was all over the place, and her heart was beating so fast she was afraid her chest would just crack open. But none of this really mattered to her.

She opened her eyes and turned her head to face the entry of the apartment. There she was, standing in front on Brittany, with all her amazingness. No wonder Brittany never found anyone else she believed would be worth her time after Santana. Not that she really tried, but 4 years is a long time.

The woman standing is front of her was so flawless.

_'Elle est tellement parfaite que j'ai du mal à la regarder' __(she's so perfect that it's hard to look at her)_

For a few seconds, Santana's eyes went from Rachel's to Brittany's, before settling on the blonde's, wide in surprise. Nobody knew what to say. Santana seemed so confused. It was like she could not believe what was happening to her. Emotions ran through her face. Surprise, curiosity, confusion, anger, fear, sadness, and pain. Brittany wished she could take it all away with a kiss, a hug, and even just by grabbing one of her hand and caressing it softly. Obviously none of that happened.

"Santana…" Brittany breathed out.

The latina closed her eyes as hard as she could when she heard the voice, her face facing the floor. It was like she was trying to make everything disappear. She held her hands up, wishing the blonde to stop talking. Brittany fully excepted as well as feared Santana's eyes to be cold and hard when she'd look up. Her blood would freeze. She had seen that look on her ex-girlfriend a few times, but it had never been meant for her.

However when she did look up, Santana's face was… emotionless. It was like she didn't feel anything, like seeing Brittany was nothing but ordinary, and not special at all. Like she was just some stranger you pass by on the street. But more than that, Santana look neutral and… _'sans vie'_(Lifeless)

No pain, no joy, no anger, no emotion whatsoever, nothing was readable from Santana's behavior.

So many times, Brittany had imagined how seeing the latina would be like, and what her reaction would be. She was so afraid that she would be angry at her, and scream and shout, and tell her to go to hell. Brittany thought that was the worse that could happen.

_''J'avais tellement tord de penser ça'_ (I was so wrong in thinking that) she realized. Because Santana's reaction was way more hurtful and heartbreaking.

"Hi Brittany" she said bluntly, barely making eye for 2 seconds with the blonde. As she spoke, she tried to smile and managed to move her wonderful lips upward. However the smile didn't reach her eyes. She then looked at Rachel, probably wanting an explanation.

"Hey…" was all the french girl could say. The pain she felt was almost taking over her body. She wondered how she could possibly still be standing up when her whole body felt numb. She could only feel and ear her heart's frantic beating through her chest, reminding her that this was reality, and her ex-lover's breathing, that she kept under control.

"Santana, you're early! This…" Rachel gestured between the three of them, "…wasn't supposed to happen? Not like that." Her voice was hesitant. Like she was only waiting for Santana to explode and cut her head off.

"And what is 'this' exactly ?" Santana asked, quoting Rachel's word.

"Well, you weren't supposed to be here just now, and this, Brittany being here, I didn't know until today, and I never meant for this happen. Things just… There's no way we would ever have done this on purpose, we were really not trying to ambush you or anything"

"Rachel", Brittany interrupted her, "it's ok, let me talk, please." The brunette slowly nodded.

Santana reluctantly faced the blonde. She still didn't seem to feel anything. Brittany was starting to understand what Rachel had been talking about describing her.

"Santana," saying this name was both sweet and painful, "Tu m'as tellement manquée, et maintenant tu es là devant moi, c'est incroyable, j'ai peur de fermer les yeux par peur de the voir disparaître quand je les ré-ouvrirai." (I missed you so much, and now you're standing in front of me, it's unbelievable. I'm scared that if I close my eyes, you'll be gone when I open them.)

Brittany had to speak a few words in french first. It calmed her, and allowed her to gather her thoughts. Santana was used to it, she had made a habit to speak french to her every once in a while, saying things just the way she wanted to. And the latina had always loved it; finding it 'sexy' or something.

Once she felt collected, Brittany continued in english : "I didn't think you'd be here, or I wouldn't have come like that. I apologize for that. I feel like I need to explain everything to you and…"

"No you don't. You don't owe me anything. It's fine, I don't need or want to know." The answer was so calm it was hard for Brittany to not fall on the floor. Every part of her body wanted to scream, to grab the latina and shake her, tell her to wake up and come back to life.

"It was… nice seeing again." Santana continued turning to Rachel, adding "I'll be in the kitchen" and walked inside the apartment.

The way she said 'nice' was so out of context. She absolutely didn't mean it, Brittany could tell. And for some reasons, it felt good. Santana still had feelings inside somewhere, and wether they were good or bad towards the blonde, it really didn't matter at all. Relief washed over her face for a brief second, and she did her best to hold on to it. Santana was somewhere in there, hidden under loads and loads of pretending.

Still, Santana didn't even want to know what the blonde was doing here or anything. Like it didn't matter in any way to her. Brittany hoped to everything powerful that it was only a façade, that in reality Santana felt something, felt too much, and hid it behind a cold appearance.

After all she had done it before. It hadn't been as convincing or heartbreaking, but she still did it, because it was Santana's defense mechanism. She thought back of another memory as she sadly said goodbye to Rachel. She tried to hold on to her hope, throwing one last look inside the apartment, where the woman she still loved was.

_"You are what ?!" Rachel screamed across her room. She had just asked Brittany when she would be ready for the party, so that they could go._

_"I am going with Santana, she is picking me at 8" she repeated kindly, oblivious to Rachel's reaction. _

_"Santana is wha… Brittany, are you brainsick ?"_

_'Qu'est ce qu'elle raconte ?!'__ (What is she talking about ?)_

_"No I'm french you know that!" Brittany had no idea what country her american sister was referring to. She actually didn't make any sense to her._

_"I meant 'Are you insane' B!" Rachel acted a little irritated at the blonde's misunderstanding, which had never happened before._

_"Oh sorry I didn't mean to frustrate you…" Brittany looked down in embarrassment. _

_"Oh B… I am sorry I didn't mean to snap. It's just… Santana is really picking you up isn't she ?"_

_"Oh que oui she is!" the french girl responded with glee and excitement. She still didn't see what the problem was._

_'Ma bye it's a french thing to do that ?'__ Brittany wondered._

_" 'Oh que oui' ? Brittany you're confusing, I don't speak french."_

_"You're not saying it right Rach' " Brittany was now completely smirking. For once, she wasn't the one having trouble. "And maybe you should try then huh, so that you won't be totally dependent on me when you visit me in France ?"_

_"Too hard. And you'll loooove helping me I'm sure." Rachel paused before speaking again, much less lightly. "Anyway, I'm not sure this is a good idea B… Ughhh, I knew this would happen as soon as I landed my eyes on you. I knew it! I mean look at you, you're gorgeous and sweet and funny and french for God's sake!"_

_'What the heck is she talking about ?!'_

_"It was only a matter of time until Santana would go after you. I've seen her do this so many times before, and to so many girls. She just wants everyone at her feet, and… Brittany, are you listening to me ?"_

_"Well I tried to, but you spoke so fast and I got tired of it. Sorry." She answered with a small smirk and shrugged her shoulders. In reality, she had understood Rachel all too well. She just didn't want to have to explain the brunette why it didn't matter to her._

_Still, she wanted to reassure her friend._

_"But if it makes you feel any better, Santana didn't go after me. I was the one to ask her if she wanted to go to the party with me. Luckily, she said 'yeeeees' !" Brittany sang the last words, looking terribly adorable._

_Rachel shook her head smiling, before her face turned serious again._

_"You asked her out ? Why ?" There was no reproach in the brunette's voice. Just curiosity._

_"Well, why not ? She is just so… fascinating. I never ask myself why I wanna do things, I just do them. And I really want to get to know her. Is that wrong ?"_

_"Just, be careful B. Santana she… I know she's beautiful and all, cuz I mean, duh, but she can be so… I would hate for you to be disappointed." Rachel looked so anxious, Brittany didn't understand. _

_"Ok I will… But really Rach', it's fine. Santana is not the bad person everyone makes her out to be. She's actually really sweet and… well. I don't know just yet, but it's a good thing I know it!"_

_And with that, Brittany went into her bedroom, leaving a worried Rachel behind. After a while, Brittany shot " Will you be ok going there without me ?"_

_She had suddenly realized that the brunette would be alone, and felt really bad._

_"Don't worry B, I'll be fine. I'll meet up with Tina and Mercedes, it's fine!"_

_"Génial!" (great)_

_At 8 sharp, the doorbell rang. Brad and Karen weren't home, and Brittany was still upstairs. Apparently, picking up cloths is ever longer when you are french._

_Rachel reluctantly opened the door to Santana, who seemed surprised at the sight. The patina's eyes went from shy and soft to disappointed and annoyed. _

_"Hello Santana, she will be right down."_

_"Oh ok, I'll just wait then." Santana wasn't as confident as she usually was in school, and it surprised Rachel._

_"I really hope you are not planning on using Brittany for your own little fun."_

_"Or what ?" the latina shot back scowling. Rachel didn't know how to answer that. She knew it, Santana was just going to disappoint her favorite blonde._

_"Look, sorry I snapped at you. If it makes you feel any better, I'm not going to… Whatever. Brittany is… different. Ok ?" She tried, obviously doing her best given the circumstances. It was probably the first time she spoke to Rachel normally, leaving speechless._

_Brittany suddenly appeared behind the brunette, a smile plastered on her face. A huge smile. She looked so beautiful in a blue dress, matching her eyes, with her hair falling lightly on her shoulders. She looked shamelessly at Santana from head to toe, taking in the appearance. _

_'Wooo, she's so perfect!'_

_Rachel went back to looking at the latina, and saw her like she never did before. She was staring at Brittany, like she was the most precious thing she had ever seen. The moment lasted for a while, every girl remaining in their own little thoughts. _

_Then Santana noticed Rachel looking at her, and seemed embarrassed to have been caught. She straightened herself before saying "Are you ready to go ?" as steadily as possible._

_"Yes I am, let's go! I'm so excited, ça va être énorme!" (it's gonna be awesome) _

_Brittany jumped in joy, moving forward, surprising the latina with her french. She throw on last look at Rachel, and grabbed Santana's arm as they walked to her car._

_A while later, they were enjoying the party with mostly the glee club members. Santana had been nothing but perfect towards Brittany, not that the blonde had expected anything else. Everyone was getting pretty dipsy as the drinks kept girls were seating next to each other in the couch in the main room, while Rachel was not so discreetly watching them. Nobody else had really noticed that the girls came together but the blonde wouldn't have cared at all. As for Rachel's stares, she found them quite comforting because she knew what they meant : her friend cared that much about her. As for Santana, she acted as if she didn't notice, but it was hardly possible. _

_'Why is she always pretending to feel something she's not ?'_

_Suddenly the music changed to one of Brittany's favorite music, who jumped in excitement as soon as she heard it. _

_"Viens danser!" (Come on let's dance!) she exclaimed more than asked Santana as she dragged her on the dance floor by the hand, leaving her no choice. _

_They started moving in rhythm with the song. Brittany knew that her dancing was flawless, but she really just danced because she loved it. It was like breathing, she moved her body with ease. The sight was mesmerizing for anyone who was lucky enough to see her._

_Santana's eyes were all over her, and she knew it. As for herself, she wasn't complaining either. The latina could also dance, that much was obvious. _

_Their bodies were now touching in so many places, it was hard for Brittany to keep herself it check. The butterflies in her stomach were out of control, as Santana put her hands on her hips, bringing her even closer. They swayed together for a while, almost never leaving eye contact. They both forgot anything that was around them, everything that wasn't the person they were dancing with. _

_It was becoming obvious to Brittany that she wasn't just interested in Santana in a 'I wanna become your friend' kinda way. The latina being a girl wasn't a problem though. What was however was hey boyfriend back home. He was a very nice boy, but she had never felt anything remotely close with him as what she was feeling right now. She made a point of talking to him the next day._

_Then she shrugged the thought off, leaving it for later. Instead, she wondered what this was. Did Santana just want to be her friend ? That wasn't possible right ? The chemistry she felt wasn't one-sided, no way. She tried to reassure herself, but figured there was only one way to know._

_"Is this a date ?" she suddenly asked, out of breath because of all the dancing._

_"What ?" Santana seemed surprised by the question. _

_"Tonight, you and I going together to this party, us dancing like that… Everything… Is it a date ?" the blonde insisted._

_Santana kept her eyes on the blue ones staring at her with what resembled fear. _

_"Well I mean, I wouldn't know really, I don't ever do dates." Brittany didn't expect that kind of answer, neither did she anticipate the tone of the patina's voice. She sounded almost ashamed, and scared that whatever she would say could drive the blonde away._

_"What do you mean 'you don't do dates' ? Tout le monde does 'dates' !" (everybody)_

_"What ?" Brittany laughed a little but before translating. Santana seemed to be thinking for a while._

_Carefully choosing her words, she said : "I've never been interested in dating anybody really. So I don't know much about 'dates' " _

_It seemed simple, but Brittany still didn't understand. _

_"But I thought that it was the opposite. Rachel said… Don't you go on too many dates to count ?" She asked, scrunching her eyebrows._

_"Why would you think that ?" Santana asked back in curiosity._

_"Well first you are like, too beautiful to be real, and second, I may be french but I can still read between the lines. When people say that you are player, they don't mean sports or gambling do they ?" Brittany was now smirking. Santana's reputation didn't scare her at all. On one hand she knew how wrong those could be, and aways liked to make her mind about someone herself. And on the other hand, she believed that Santana really cared about her. She knew it was way too soon to be thinking this, but you don't look at someone the way the latina looked at her for no reason._

_Thinking that didn't make Brittany arrogant or too sure of herself, it only made her pragmatic and realistic._

_Santana looked down for a brief moment, before letting go of Brittany's hips. She looked at her once more, grab one of her hands and dragged her outside where it was much quieter and easier to talk._

_"No they don't mean gambling or sports…" it was like she was now sure that Brittany would just turn around and leave her alone. _

_The blonde wondered who could ever leave this girl behind, or who did already, making her so insecure._

_"Santana look at me please"_

_When brown eyes met blue ones, Brittany continued : "Santana it's ok, I don't care what reputation you have. I don't even care if it's all true or not."_

_"It is Brittany. I've… I've had a certain number of…" she couldn't finish her sentence. She looked incredibly small and fragile, which was weird considering she was basically telling Brittany that everyone wanted her. _

_"Well I still don't care, it doesn't matter." Brittany stated forcefully, leaving no doubt in Santana's mind that she meant every word._

_But disappointment appeared on the black haired girl as she suddenly crossed her arms on her chest, and Brittany wondered why._

_"What's wrong Santana ?" Brittany was getting anxious. The girl in front of her kept her on the floor, arms still crossed._

_Finally she looked up : "Nothing I just thought… But it's fine really." Her voice was different. It was like she was back to being 'high school Santana'._

_'Why does she keep hiding herself ? She's such a mystery.'_

_"Please dis moi, tell me, please…" Brittany begged, grabbing of Santana's hand, who's eyes visibly softened. _

_"It's just that I thought you would, I mean I thought you maybe wanted something else, you know, something more than just… Fun. But you obviously don't." Disappointment was all over her face. It was like in that moment she gave up hiding it, to Brittany's relief. The french girl had been right all along. Something was definitively happening between her and the amazing girl standing in front of her. She knew that Santana wasn't used to feeling like this, but neither was she. The difference was that it didn't scare her one bit. Of course, there as always a possibility of being rejected, being left alone, being heartbroken. _

_'But what good would it do to think of all the ways things could go wrong ?'_

_Focusing on the incredible sensation she was having when the latina was around was much more appealing. Besides, she had a feeling that things could go really well._

_The blonde smiled softly at Santana, and gently caressed her one of her cheeks. _

_"Now why would you think that ?" Brittany's voice couldn't have been warmer._

_"You said that you didn't care about what I did… And you obviously know that I haven't always been the nicest person to girls before or anyone for that matter? I'm a bitch. Sooo, that must mean that you don't…" before her voice could crack even more, Brittany leaned in and softly kissed her lips. She knew she still had to answer, because kissing her probably didn't reassure her that she was interesting in her in every way possible, but she decided to take her time and slowly enjoy the kiss. Santana was kissing her back and it felt incredible._

_Her lips felt like Heaven. She had never enjoyed someone's lips as much, not even remotely close to it. She wondered why she waited to long to kiss them, and knew she would have a hard time not doing it again and again._

_Finally she pulled back and looked at the latina, her eyes slowly opened and stared back at her._

_"Santana, how could 'fun' ever possibly be enough ? Don't you see ? It's never been about fun." Brittany said as a small smile appeared on the latina's face. _

_This time, it was Santana's time to kiss Brittany. As she did, the blonde felt all the emotions they had been feeling gather between them. _

_When the kiss broke, both girls just stared at each other with ease. "Tu es vraiment vraiment très belle" Brittany smiled. (You are really really very pretty)_

_"This french thing is getting to me you know!" Santana both blushed and smiled. "I don't understand anything, but seeing your mouth move with theses sounds, it's just mesmerizing"_

_Brittany hugged the latina and kissed her more and more, not believing how she got this lucky._

_A few minutes after, they went back inside giggling and holding hands. It was the best feeling in the world for Brittany. Santana's hands were so soft and nice to touch, she couldn't get enough of it. Actually she couldn't get of the latina._

_'Already'__ she thought. _

_As they walked into the main room, eyes fell on them, but Brittany didn't mind at all. On the contrary she felt very proud to be the one lucky enough to walk beside Santana. They seemed to be floating into the air, in their own little world._

_"Way to go Santana, I knew it was only a matter of time until you got her too! Hope you have fun later tonight!" a guy scrolling, winking at the latina who visibly tensed up as everyone in the room heard him. Brittany had seen him around in school, but didn't know his name. It wasn't exactly pleasant for her to hear that, but she figured it would happen at some point. They would just have to prove him wrong._

_She looked at Santana who still hadn't said anything back. The all room was now looking at them, and Brittany was about to speak up when the latina let go of her hand and glanced at her briefly. The blonde felt slightly hurt, but mainly confused. She didn't what to do as she looked around and her eyes fell on Rachel's. The brunette looked both sorry and angry. _

_"Whatever" It was all the latina said before turning around and walking out of the room. Brittany was left alone with everyone looking at her, with 'poor girl' written all over their faces._

_'Whatever ? What does this even mean ? Whatever what ?'_

_She ran after Santana,not willing to let her escape this one. She was starting to know how the latina worked, and this was not ok. She finally caught a glance of her, and walked straight to her with determination. When she reached her, Santana finally noticed her._

_"Why do you do that ?" Brittany said almost quietly but angrily._

_"Do what ?" Santana looked genuinely confused by her question._

_"Pretend you don't care when you do ? Act like it doesn't matter to you when it obviously does ?" the blind explained._

_"I don't know what you're talking about." Her guards were back up. Brittany didn't understand why._

_"What this guy said, it doesn't matter Santana. He doesn't know. It's not important because we know. WE KNOW! We're not what he thinks, you know it, and I know it." The blonde continued softy. She was really trying to show the girl in front of her that nothing mattered if they were together._

_Santana's attitude changed slowly as her eyes met Brittany's. She was evidently struggling with the situation._

_"Brittany, you don't understand. I've never done this before. I've never wanted to do this before. Then you show up and all of a sudden you change me into a… into a mess. I don't know what to do, or how to act around you."_

_Brittany grabbed her hands between them and looked for a while into Santana's gorgeous brown eyes._

_"You've been pretty awesome around me for someone who doesn't know how to act" she winked at her, before continuing more seriously : "I now you haven't done this before, and that you're not used to it. But that's ok. You know why ? I like being the first person you're going to be the real you around. I love it even" she added winking at the latina._

_Santana seemed to like what Brittany was saying, because she looked less tense already._

_"Don't hide from me ok ? Please…" The blonde asked, suddenly feeling insecure._

_Santana nodded and looked down at their hands, still between them. Neither girl was moving. When she finally looked up, the latina appeared hesitant as she spoke : "Why would even you even consider putting up with all of that ? What happened in there was probably just the tip of the iceberg. There is going to be talks and looks and judgments and everyone is going to think that I'm taking advantage of you, that I'm just going to treat you like crap and leave you and…"_

_"I don't care. They'll get tired of it before I do. Besides, I'm french, I can pretend I don't understand what they say!" The blonde added with a smirk._

_"I'm serious here Brittany" Santana tried to speak normally but anyone could here the amusement in her voice._

_"Me too. I know you are not using me, and I know that whatever this is, it's real. It's all that matters to me. J'te promets. Now can we get out of here please ?" Brittany asked. Before Santana could answered, she leaned in and kissed the pouty lips briefly and smiled. (I promise)_

_"How did I find you ?" Santana wondered aloud. She was getting better at speaking her mind._

_Brittany just laughed and dragged the latina back in the house to get their stuff and say 'goodbye' to Rachel. _

_One hour and two ice-creams later, Santana drove Brittany home. _

_"I'll cal you tomorrow ok ?" The latina asked more than stated. _

_"Oui please do, I love phone calls!" The blond answered, getting excited at the idea. "But you'll have to speak slowly an clearly, because it's harder to understand for me" she added feeling embarrassed._

_"I'll speak as slowly as you need Britt" Both the tone of Santana's voice and the new nickname melted Brittany heart. She put her hands on the latina's face and brought her closer to her, before whispering : "Tu es comme un rêve. Tu vas me chambouler je le sens." (You are like a dream. You're gonna shake me up ?)_

_Brittany knew that the girl in front of her wouldn't understand her at all, so she wasn't afraid to scare her away with her words._

_"I wish I knew what that meant" the latina responded quietly before kissing the blonde. After a while, the broke the kiss and smiled like it was christmas day._

_"Alright well, good night then. And thank you then, for everything. I had a great time!" Santana added timidly but still smiling._

_"I did too. Thank you for accepting my proposition and taking me. It couldn't have been a better night." _

_They kissed again softly and gently. Brittany didn't know who initiated that kiss, but it didn't matter. She was enjoying it more than you could have ever imagined._

_After a while, the blonde started walking away. Then she suddenly turned around and spoke up : "Oh and Santana, this was definitively a date!"_

_They both smiled at each other before Brittany entered her house, happiness surrounding her._


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello best readers in the world, here's chapter 5 for you.**

**It was a hard one to write, that's why it took me longer than the other ones. I did go over it, but really quickly because it was too depressing. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think ! **

**Ideas are WELCOMED ! And thank you for your alerts and reviews and everything, it means a lot.**

**Until later, bonne lecture =)**

_**I do not own any of the characters.**_

A few days passed. Brittany settled in nicely, her new place was a big loft in a fancy building kind of like the one Rachel was living in. Luckily it wasn't too far from the brunette's place. She also started working and was happy to find that she loved it. Everything was going as planned, and she already loved living in New York City. She hang out with Rachel a few more times, but didn't talk much about Santana, to the blonde's displeasure. She understood why her friend wanted to avoid the subject though.

_"This place looks great Rachel! And the food is DE-LI-CIOUS!" Brittany exclaimed. Rachel had invited her to a nice restaurant not to far from her apartment. _

_"I know right! I knew you'd like it!" They both smiled and started talking about anything and everything._

_"So how's your new work ? Do you like it ? Did you make friends yet ?" Rachel wondered after the waiter brought them their desserts._

_"It's really great actually! I'm so glad I like t, it would have sucked if I didn't! And apparently everyone thinks I'm doing a good jog, so it's a big plus!" The blonde winked._

_Rachel beamed at her friend. "I'm so proud of you B, you did it, you really did it! Like you said you would. You followed your plan, went home, studied hard in school, graduated, and got your dream job. And here you are now, living in New York, near me!"_

_Brittany's eyes turned watery all of a sudden. _

_"M'oui, mais est-ce que ça en valait vraiment la peine ?" She wondered out loud, looking down at her hands. (Yeah, but was it really worth it ?)_

_Rachel knew her friend would eventually explain what she meant, so she waited patiently never letting her eyes leave the blonde._

_"I didn't follow all of my plan" the french girl explained in a whisper. Rachel reached out to take her hand and squeezed it softly._

_"Oh B… I know sweetie, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up" she said regretfully. _

_"It's not your fault, I'm the one you didn't do things as they were planned. I just gave it up. And now I can't help but wonder if it was worth it ? Should I have stayed here and not gone home ? Should I have fought harder to make Santana let me stay ? I don't know anything anymore…"_

_Tears were rolling on her cheeks and Brittany didn't even try to wipe them up. Rachel had difficulties to keep her eyes on her, so much pain was emerging from the blonde's face._

_"She would have never let you stay. She knew you had a dream and she wanted you to live it. Just like you would not have let her come with you. You had to part ways then, it was inevitable sweetie" she said soothingly. _

_"But was about now ? When I graduated, you know the first thought that came to my mind ? It wasn't that I had finally gotten my diploma, the diploma I had been dreaming of having since I was 13. It wasn't that my parents were going to be proud of me. It wasn't anything like that. I just thought of one thing : Santana. She was all I could see. Not that she wasn't everything I could see on any other day, but in that moment, I could see clearly that I was finally going to be able to fight for her back. I saw myself move here, and go after her, telling her how much I had missed her, and showing her that I never stopped loving her, beg her to take me back. I know it sounds silly after 4 years, but I… je sais pas." (I don't know)_

_She couldn't even keep talking and finish her sentence. Rachel tried to calm her down,but the sight in front of her was heartbreaking. Brittany had made the ultimate sacrifice for the woman she loved, and had been paying the price ever since._

_"B sweetie, it's not silly, it's… remarkable, what you did. You sacrificed what you loved most for her to have a shot at being happy and living her life. You had no idea it wasn't the right thing to do, and you can't keep tearing yourself down for that, it's not healthy. Besides you've only been back for a few days, who knows war the future can bring you ?"_

_The blonde suddenly looked up in interrogation. __'De quoi elle parle là ?'__ (What is she talking about ?)_

_"What do you mean by that ? Do you know something I don't ?" she asked hurriedly._

_"No B I don't, I just meant, who knows, right ?" The blonde didn't look convinced, so Rachel continued : "I'm really not comfortable talking about Santana when she's not here Brittany. YOU should be talking to her."_

_The blonde stared a little longer at her friend, before nodding and going back to eating her amazing dessert._

The ring of her phone brought Brittany out of her daydream. Later that day, she had decided to go see Santana and talked to her. She wasn't going to gee her a choice. She had to do something, the situation was killing her, and she owed it to herself, and to the latina, to try and fix things.

When she grabbed her phone she didn't recognized the number, she wondered who that might be.

"Oui allô ?" she picked up.

"Hi huh, hello Brittany" a tiny voice answered. The blonde had to seat down or she was gonna fall. That voice, she would recognize it between a thousand others.

"Santana…" she breathed out. Lately, saying that name was always a struggle.

"Hi" Neither woman seemed to know what to say. Brittany was both confused and ecstatic. The latina was the one calling after all, it was hard to not see it as a good sign.

"Santana, tu m'appelles, why ?" (you're calling me) she paused, before continuing, making more sense "I didn't expected your call…"

"I know, I just… Rachel talked to me and I thought that, if maybe you still wanted to, talk to me, or explain, or I don't know…" she tried slowly. Her voice wasn't warm but neither was it cold. Brittany didn't know what to think of it, but wasn't about to let her chance pass her.

"YES!" She almost screamed. "I mean, yes of course I do want to talk to you, there's nothing I want more"

Brittany was in a state of great excitement. She didn't even try to hide it. She never did that with Santana, and she wasn't about to start. Besides, she knew that in a moment, she would lay her heart out to the latina, not keeping anything from her.

They agreed to meet one hour from then in a café close by.

Brittany had never been more stressed in her life. Not when she took the most important exams of her life, not when she had her job interview, and not even when she flew across the world all alone to go live her dream.

_'This is it'_ she thought. The moment she had been waiting for. She knew nothing would happen that day really, but it was her chance to start fighting for her love, to start for the life she knew she was meant to live.

She arrived early, knowing Santana would be right on time as aways. She hesitated between waiting outside or going it and getting a table. Before she could make up her mind, she was interrupted.

"Hi Brittany" the most beautiful and raspy voice ever greeted her. When the blonde turned around, her eyes landed on Santana's and for an instant, she forgot everything. The pain, the sadness, the heartbreak, the distance between them. Everything. It was just her and the latina, facing each other intensely.

Santana rapidly shifted on her feet. Brittany knew she was suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

"Hello San…tana." _'Force of habit'_ she thought as soon as the words escaped her mouth. She had been so caught up in the moment that she forgot she wasn't really supposed to call the latina with this nickname.

Santana acted as if she didn't hear it. Both girls were still standing in front of each other, not really knowing how to great the other one. After what felt like forever to the blonde, Santana took a step in direction of the café as she said : "Let's go in, I wanna my coffee!", throwing Brittany a tiny smile over her shoulder.

It was hard to not feel encouraged by her actions, and the blonde tried to keep herself calm.

Five minutes later, they were seating at a table in a secluded area of the place, and were waiting for their order.

"Soo, you talked to Rachel huh ?" Brittany asked, after 5 minutes of intense stress in her head. hs ewas literally internally freaking out, and the tone of her voice was given her out. Santana knew her better than anyone, and there was no way she didn't notice.

"Yes, yes I did. She didn't want to say anything too… personal, saying that you deserved to say it yourself or whatever." Her face turned into a almost scowl.

_'Certaines choses ne changent jamais'_ (Some things never change) Brittany smiled, feeling more at ease. The woman in front of her was the same one that she fell in love with. She was just well hidden. The thought was overwhelming.

"But she did say that you had some things to tell me, and went on and on about how you deserved at least that. So here I am."

Brittany could tell that Santana was trying the keep a neutral face, doing a very good job actually.

"Yes, yes I do have things to tell you. So many things actually. I don't even know where to start, I have so many thoughts, it's confusing. So I'm just gonna try and do my best, and please let me finish ok ?" She couldn't believe how hard this was already. How was gonna get through the rest without breaking down ? She was soon going to find it, because she wasn't going to back down.

"Alright, I'm listening, take your time Britt, Brittany I mean" Santana suddenly looked down, and clenched her jaw. It was like she was mad at herself for slipping the nickname out. The blonde decided to ignore it to spare the latina, but her heart was already jumping up and down.

"Ok" she took a deep breath, "First I want to say how sweet and delicious it was and still is to see you again. You're still so, so so beautiful." She paused to look a few seconds at Santana, who blushed and shook her head.

"I feel like I owe you an explanation. When… I fell in love with you so easily. You made it so simple. One day you came into my life, and from then on, I couldn't help but wonder how I had been living without you before. We were so perfect together, never thought this way even possible. But we were like two pieces of one puzzle, like we had always been made for each other and each other only. But then again, we were always together, not a day went by without seeing you. I didn't want to not see you, but I also honestly didn't think I could function if I couldn't spend time with you. The thought alone was so scary to me, and I knew it would happen inevitably. I wasn't scared that we wouldn't make it, just that I wouldn't stop being me if you weren't there. You know…" Brittany was doing her best to keep her tears in her eyes, but knew it would soon be useless.

Santana was looking at her, nodding and clenching her jaw every once in a while to keep her emotions inside. But Brittany knew she agreed with everything she said.

"And I went home, I left, I just got on a plane and left you behind. We've talked about this moment so many times over the year we were still 'together' but apart, so you know what a mess I was. It was the most difficult thing I ever had to do in my all life. To this point anyway. That first year was.. Well you know exactly how it was, I don't need to remind you of it. I thought we managed pretty good though. But I didn't realize that… When you came to visit me in France the next summer, a year after I left, I thought it would be a dream come true. And it was, it really was for a while. But you have to remember the last week of your stay. We were both miserable. We couldn't even enjoy each other anymore, we could only think about the countdown. We were gonna be apart again, and it was killing the both of us. It was draining us, we were zombies Santana. Not the way we were supposed to be. That's when it hit me."

Brittany paused, knowing that the hardest part of her speech was coming. Looking at Santana, who kept silent but seemed very impatient to hear the rest, the blonde knew that she feared it as much as her. The words that were about to come out of Brittany's mouth were the hardest ones she had ever said. They were the reason why she was in this position, seating at the café with the woman of her life, acting almost as strangers. They were the reason why she had waisted 4 years of her life.

She tooled a deep breath and continued, slowly.

"That's when it hit me that it wasn't right to go on like that. When you boarded on your plane home, when I drove home alone, feeling worse that I ever had in my entire life, when you called me to tell me that you had made it safely, when your voice was not your voice anymore. We were only kids Santana, I was 20, you were 19, it's not how it's supposed to be at those ages. I didn't want to watch break down more and more because of me. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, and I couldn't even do that for you. I felt like the most selfish person on the planet, and if there were one person I didn't want to be selfish with, only one, it was you. It still is" she added in a whisper.

"So you decided that breaking my heart was better instead ?" Santana said simply, not making any reproach, just stating the facts. Her voice was strangely calm and steady, it surprised Brittany, whose voice was now only a long sob.

"No, I decided to set you free. And I knew I wouldn't never be able to do so if we kept in touch. There was too much love for that. Also, you would have never agreed with me. That's why I called you that day, once and only once, to tell you that… Well you know. That's also why I never replied to any of you emails or phone calls or anything. There is no excuses for what I did, but you have to believe me I said that I had your best interest at heart. I really thought I was doing the right thing. Now I know I only made things worse for you and for that I'll never forgive myself"

Before she could continue, Santana interrupted her suddenly looking mad.

"What do you mean you now know that you only made things worse for me ?"

"Rachel told me that you… Well. She told me that it was not easy, and that, you know…" Brittany tried, hesitant. She knew Santana all too well, and this was definitively not going to please her.

"Whatever, it's in the past, it doesn't matter anymore, and what Berry says is crap" the latina snapped.

Brittany wanted nothing less than to start and argument with a stubborn Santana, so she didn't argue with her. But she knew better than to believe her.

"So anyway, for the next 4 years, I've been busting my ass in school. I thought about you everyday, missed you everyday, and the only keeping me from going crazy with knowing that you were doing better than before. Of course I couldn't have been more wrong" she didn't let the latina contradict her because she instantly continued.

"But you have to know that there hasn't been one single day that hasn't been a struggle. Everyday I had to fight with myself to not call you and tell you how much I still loved you, how stupid I had been, how much of a mess I was without you, and how I was nothing when you weren't in my life. EVERYDAY" she insisted, now fully crying.

"What kept me going was the goal I had still in mind. Like we planned together, I was still going to get my diploma and find a job here in the US, in New York… Or wherever you were, because the plan, like we used to call it, never changed" she added more quietly.

She was almost at the end of her speech, and felt exhausted. But she couldn't stop right before the most important part to the woman looking at her. It was getting harder for Santana to stay calm and not give in to her emotions.

"Now here I am, where you live… I… It's not a coincidence, or chance, or fate, or luck or whatever. You have to know that don't you ?" Santana didn't answer, but she kept her eyes in Brittany's, inviting here to continue.

"I purposely chose the city you were living in. This is what I had been waiting for years, because like I said, the plan never changed. I needed to be near you again, I HAD to be here."

_'C'est parti!'_ (there we go!)

"I'm here for you Santana, because I never stopped believing that you were the woman of my life, and I most certainly never stopped loving you. You are the one for me and I'm sorry I turned my back on us 4 years ago, but I'm here today, ready to fight for you. I'll do anything, I'll…"

"Brittany stop, please" the latina interrupted her. The blonde didn't recognize the look on her face, and it scared her more than anything.

"This is not why we are here Brittany… I don't… We needed to have a talk, well, we needed you to talk, to explain yourself about the events of 4 years ago. And you did and I want to thank you for that, because as much and as long as I have been denying it, I needed it. So much." Santana suddenly felt uncomfortable about what she was going to add.

As for Brittany, she was both in shock and terrified. Once again, she had imagined every possible reactions of the latina, but not this. Santana was telling her that all she needed was closure, she knew it, she could read between the lines. Her heart was slowly breaking again. But if she thought she had felt pain before, this was bringing it to an all new level.

"That's all I need right now though. I appreciate you saying those things, but it's not what I'm here for. Thank you for explaining everything to me, it was good to hear you do it. Now I understand why you did what you did better. I have to admit that it kind of makes sense in a way. We were both so young and didn't know any better. I'm not saying I'm glad you did it, but maybe it was indeed the right to do at the time. Now I don't think that I need to tell you what happened for me in the last 4 years, because I have a feeling that Rachel did already. Yeah yeah, it was probably not all 'crap' " she smiled. "But this time of my life is over now, and I need to move on with my life. I feel like I can finally do it now, so again, thank you."

She smiled softly at Brittany, who stared at her in disbelief. Either Santana had gotten even better than she thought at pretending, or she was serious and meant every word that she said. Brittany was devastated to say the least. The latina was so level-headed about all of this, acting to mature and adultly that it was hard to argue with her. In her mind, Brittany knew she had to keep fighting, because she might never get another chance. But doing it in reality was not that simple. She owed it to herself to try again, to try something, anything. But she just couldn't bring herself to do it, not right now. She couldn't face being rejected again.

Santana probably could read the despair in her face.

"Britt, I'm sorry if you were hoping for anything else. I'm not doing this to hurt, believe me. I've just changed. What happened between us changed me, and I can't just forget everything I've been through" she tried softly, not really doing a good job at making the blonde feel better. However, Brittany wasn't oblivious to the use of her old nickname, and it somehow warmed up her heart.

"Are you saying there is no hope for us ?"

_'Wooo, this could easily be the final blow'_. Brittany thought as she cursed herself for always speaking her mind. She hold her breath as Santana seemed to think hard.

"Always so direct huh !" she joked, searching a way out of answering.

"Santana, I'm not going to pretend that I don't want you back, or that I am not incredibly dull and miserable when you speak those words. I love you, I've always loved you." She realized it was the first time in 4 years that she said this to the latina. It felt good, relieving even.

The latina remained silent, probably surprised.

"I know that you said you don't want to hear all of this now, but I'm not giving up. I did it once already, and I've had 4 years to regret it. Believe me, it was a nightmare. I'd rather spend everyday trying to make it up to you, following you around like a lost puppy just to tell you every chance I'd get how much I love you and want you back"

Santana still didn't answer anything. It was like she was pondering her reaction. Either she would act cold and heartless again, like none of this mattered to her anymore, or she would open up, even just a little bit, and reveal her real self.

Or maybe she would just tell Brittany that she wasn't interested in her in that way anymore. The blonde was terrified of this possibility, and even more scared that it might be the truth. So she just waited and waited for the latina to say something.

Finally, it happened. It only lasted for a few seconds, but it was enough. Enough for the blonde to feel everything at once. Her body on fire, her heart about to explode and her head lighter than a feather. Her ears melted and the latina's voice when she spoke.

"Brittany…" Santana started in a whisper, shaking her head as she bent it down closing her eyes, "I told you this once already a long time ago" she continued, only to pause a second later. Finally looking at the blonde, she finished her sentence with sad eyes : "You can stalk me anytime"

It couldn't even be called a whisper and as much as Santana tried to hide her struggle, the blonde could see right through her.

Brittany's first instinct would have been to internally freak out, do her best to stay calm, while everything inside her would be screaming her to jump up and down.

But the way the words were said, and the way Santana's face was covered with pain was definitively not what she expected or hoped for. The latina looked sad and… resigned ? Like she didn't want to be saying these things, but couldn't help it. The sight was enough to keep Brittany completely calm and remind her of how badly she had hurt the woman she loved.

_'Qu'est-ce que je t'ai fait ?'_ (What have I done to you ?) she thought remorsefully.

Still, there it was, Hope. It was all Brittany needed. And she knew it was more than she deserved. In that moment she made a promise to herself. She would do whatever Santana needed her to do, whatever she asked her, for her to be happy. She would be anything she needed her to be, and would never hurt her again. She was faced with what her mistakes had caused, with the consequences of her actions and it was the worst feeling she ever had to endure. Never ever would she have imagined that someone could feel that much pain.

And yet there she was, Santana, the most perfect human being walking the face go the planet, the most precious woman anyone could ever meet, the one person in the whole world that she cared and loved the most, feeling so much pain at once that it was breaking her everyday a little more. And it was all Brittany's fault. All of it, she was responsible for all this hurt.

Santana, her best friend, her lover, her everything, was now barely the shadow of what she had been with the blonde. Brittany almost choked at the thought, she just couldn't take it.

Her internal thinking was stopped when Santana told her that she needed to go. The blonde didn't try to hold her back ; she could see that the latina was exhausted from the talk. She left without another word, without hugging Brittany, without telling her when or if she should call her or come see her or anything. She just stood up, said polite goodbyes, and left. But that was ok. Santana had said more than enough that day.

_'You can stalk me anytime'_


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello guys, 6th chapter for you =)**

**It's kinda fluffy and mainly flashbacks, I thought we all deserved it after last chapter!**

**As usual, thank you for your alerts and reviews! And a special thank for Lara : I can't answer you directly, but your reviews are very much appreciated, thank you so so much!**

**And on with the reading ;)**

_**I do not own any of the characters. **_

**P.s : only one more week 'til GLEEEEE !**

**P.s 2 : I apologize for any mistake, they are all mine, and I still don't have a beta !**

Brittany didn't know how to feel on her way home. It all reminded her of back when she had been dating the latina, and the first few times they had expressed their feelings to each other.

The situation had obviously been incredibly different then, as well as the outcome, but today's improvement in their relationship allowed the blonde to think about those moments without the pain to become too much to handle.

_'__Improvements. Is that really what it was ?'_ she wondered as memories took over her mind.

_***One month after the party***_

_Brittany was sitting in front of her computer talking with enthusiasm. She was so full of life and spirit when talking to her family back in France, never running out of things to say. She wanted her parents and sister to know everything there was to know about her life in Lima, and she also was eager to hear about France. Moreover, speaking french, letting her mind fly so fast it could make her dizzy, felt amazing. The words were coming out of her mouth so easily and correctly that it was addictive. _

_She loved being here, loved hearing and talking english everyday, but sometime a break was nice. What was even better was to not be the one with the accent, the one who makes mistakes or misunderstands others. It wasn't a big deal for the blonde, but still, having a nice conversation in fence was refreshing._

_She had told her parents about her and Santana. They didn't mind really even if they had been surprised. As long as she was happy, they were too. And she was, so so happy. Everything had been going wonderfully ever since the party. Of course, there had been talks and looks, judgements and jealousy, but nothing she hadn't expected. Besides, Brad and Karen, her host parents, had also been very understanding and accepting. Even Rachel was slowly coming around. _

_Santana was so amazing, she was caring and sweet and romantic and funny and smart and everyday even more beautiful. Brittany was on cloud nine._

_Every morning they'd meet on the high school parking lot, and would go together to their first class, where they would always seat next to each other. In order to do that, other students had had to move around to different seats, but with Santana being… well, Santana, nobody complained. _

_They would eat lunch together, mostly with the glee crew. They were all so nice and it was easier to hung out with them. Nobody in that club ever looked at them like they were anything but teenagers in love. After school, hey usually went to Brittany's place, did their homework, listened to music, hang out with Rachel even. The blonde had insisted, she didn't want the brunette to feel left alone or something. Besides, she liked hanging out with her and would have missed it too much if they didn't anymore. Santana had also taken Brittany out on a few dates, which had all been wonderful. To put it simply, the blonde was living a dream with the latina._

_As the conversation was coming to an end, she looked at Santana, lying on her bed looking at her with a small smile. She had arrived 10 minutes ago and just patiently waited for Brittany to be done. She didn't seem to mind at all. She had told the blonde on many occasions how she loved to hear her speak french. _

_She had to admit, she loved that the latina was content just listening to her and being in the same room as her. It felt good to have her here. _

_She finished her Skype session with her family, closed her computer, and joined Santana on the bed. She straddled her slowly making her way up to give her a kiss. Then she just laid on her, her favorite position these days, and whispered : "Sorry I made you wait for me"_

_"It's ok Britt, I could watch you speak french forever. Besides I understand you need to talk to your family that much" Santana replied simply, hugging the blonde tight. Brittany breathed in her delicious smell, thinking she would never get tired of it. _

_"I heard you say my name though…?" Santana asked, now smirking._

_"Oh really, you sure ? Maybe there is a french word that resembles your name you know ?" Brittany teased._

_"Naaaah, I recognize the way you say my name, you can't fool me frenchie!" Brittany laughed at the name calling, finding Santana adorable._

_"Hmm, well maybe I did say your name then ahah" the blonde paused, before facing the girl in her arms. "My mother was asking me about Florian."_

_"Flo-what ?" Santana couldn't repeat the name right._

_"Florian. Hm, yeah I haven't told you about him. He is, well he used to be my… Huh" Brittany suddenly felt very uncomfortable. She hadn't meant to keep this from the latina, but it just never came up when they were together. _

_The day after the party, she had skyped with her former boyfriend, telling him that it didn't feel right anymore, that a year was too long, and that she had met someone else. He seemed sad but understood. And that was it. She never thought about him, didn't miss him at all or nothing. That was probably the reason why she never mentioned him to Santana._

_"Your what Brittany ?" The latina asked suddenly standing up and taking a step back from the blonde, eyebrows knitted. _

_"My boyfriend." She said looking down in shame. She knew Santana would not be happy._

_"What ? Are you kidding me ?" She exclaimed in disbelief. "This all time we have been… You had a boyfriend ?" _

_Before Brittany could contradict her, the latina continued, her anger evident. _

_"So what am I huh ? Just amusement to make time pass faster until you can go back to him ? I can't believe this, I'm so stupid!" She cried, turning around to leave the room._

_Brittany quickly grabbed both her arms in panic, forcing her to face her._

_"NO! No Santana, you don't get it, that's not it all. It's just a big misunderstanding. He is not my boyfriend anymore, I broke it off with him a month ago, I swear!" The tone of her voice was pleading and beseeching._

_"Yeah right, so why didn't you tell me then ?" The latina asked, still very angry, but not moving anymore._

_"I just didn't think to tell you, it didn't matter, it never came up. I promise you…" she was cut off by another scream._

_"You didn't think to tell me that you have a fucking boyfriend ? Are you serious with this shit ?" She said surprising Brittany. The latina rarely cursed in front of her._

_"Santana, I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND! I only have a girlfriend, a beautiful girlfriend, YOU." Brittany's voice was now imploring._

_She broke down in tears, kneeling on her feet in front of Santana. She was sure the latina was going to leave the room, leave her alone. Because that's what she did, she always took the way out, always escaped. _

_But instead, she kneeled as well, and forced Brittany to look back at her._

_"Do you promise ?" She asked as seriously as she could._

_"Hein ? I mean what ?" the blonde wasn't sure what was going on._

_"I asked you if you promise me that you broke it off with him the day after the party…?" Santana repeated more shakily this time. _

_Brittany could tell she was as scared as her._

_"I promise you San, I swear I did" she said between sobs. _

_"Have you spoken to him since ?" _

_"No I haven't! You have to believe me, it's just you. And you not just a fling or whatever to make time by faster. You're so much more, I can't even…" she was cut off but the most amazing lips touching hers. _

_They kissed softly for a good while, both relieved by the turn of events._

_After a moment, Santana broke off the kiss and smirked._

_"What ?" The blonde asked_

_"You called me you girlfriend" she continued smirking._

_"I don't understand. Is that bad ?" Brittany was very confused._

_"No it's not bad, not bad at all. I just… I was going to ask you if you wanted to be mine, but constantly chickened out. But now I see that there's no need anymore"_

_"You were going to ask me ? Why ? Was I not your girlfriend already ?" Things were getting more and more confusing for the blonde. _

_"You've been my girlfriend for 2 weeks in my mind Britt" Santana answered perfectly._

_"You too" Brittany, kissing her 'girlfriend' again, feel in happier than she ever had._

_They held each other for a while, both enjoying the calm after the storm._

_"You scared me" Brittany said timidly._

_"You scared me too." _

_"I know, I'm so sorry honey, I didn't mean too! I swear! I thought you were just going to run away from me and… I would be so alone. I don't know what I would do with myself if you left me. I can't even…" The blonde was about to start crying again._

_"Britt, Britt look at me. Please ?" _

_When she did, the blonde saw nothing but love and adoration in the most amazing eyes on earth._

_"You don't ever have to be without me, ok ? I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. Where would I go if you're here ?"_

_'Parfaite'__ was the only Brittany could think in that moment. (she's perfect)_

_***Another month later***_

_"Why do we almost never go to you place San ? I haven't even met your parents, it's weird."_

_Brittany and Santana were enjoying a quiet saturday afternoon on the park. They often went there to feed the ducks and just lay down on the grass, look at the sky and making the most of each other. Things had been going incredibly good. It was like they had always known each other. _

_Of course, they had their minor disagreements, but nothing ever relevant. _

_"I have never met your parents either" Santana trie to joke, but Brittany was not going to let it go._

_"It's not the same and you know it. They are way too far, and I have not seem them in forever either. If they were here, I would have introduced them to my amazing girlfriend already. Ughhh that would be so awesome!" She let her mind imagine the scenario briefly before focusing on the matter again. Santana smiled at the sight._

_"Come on, please I'm serious here" she paused, feeling self-conscious all of a sudden. "Are you… ashamed of me ?"_

_"What ?! No of course not. You're perfect, beautiful, funny and smart and everything else. How could I be ashamed of you ? WHO would be ashamed of you ?" She asked incredulously. _

_"Then why ?" Brittany needed to know. Things were so great, she just wondered, or was scared that maybe it was too good to be true._

_"Brittany I don't… My parents they're not… My dad left us when I was little, and my mother she isn't… Whatever, I don't want to talk about it." The conversation was obviously over, as Santana stood up and started walking away in the direction of the car. She motioned for Brittany to follow there, so she did, quietly thinking. _

_'C'était quoi ça ?'__ (What just happened ?)_

_They were supposed to both sleep at the blonde's that night. The three Berrys went to see some relatives, and Brittany decided to stay home to spend some time with her girlfriend._

_Now she wondered if she was maybe going to spend the night alone missing her. _

_The drive home were quiet, nobody saying anything. The french girl didn't to piss Santana even more, so she kept silent as well. Arriving by her house, the latina parked the car and waited, facing forward and still holding the wheel, tightly. Brittany didn't move one bit, and barely looked at her, fearing what she would see._

_"I'm sorry Britt…" Santana whispered, holding back her tears. "I didn't mean to snap at you. It's not your fault, you had every right to ask me those questions. I just, I really don't like to talk about my parents or my home." She continued as quietly as humanly possible. _

_"It's ok." Brittany still didn't understand, but she could here so many things in Santana's voice. Her shame for snapping at her, her embarrassment for almost crying, and the pain she felt talking or thinking about her folks. She wanted nothing more than to make everything better for her._

_"It's not though, you've done nothing wrong and I reacted so badly. Can I… Can I still stay with you tonight ?" She looked so scared of the possibility that Brittany would say no, it was unbearable. _

_"Of course silly, please please stay the night!" The blonde answered immediately. _

_Santana looked relieved and smiled through her tears._

_A while later, they were lying on the couch, watching a movie. Brittany didn't even know what it was about, too focused on holding her girlfriend. Today's events had obviously shook her harder than she pretended. _

_Suddenly, probably feeling her girlfriend's worry, Santana started talking, still facing the television. _

_"When I was 13, my dad left. He just left us, my mother and I, with no explanations, no goodbye, nothing but a lousy text to my mom telling her that he was leaving and never coming back. He took a few stuff, and just walk out on us one day. He was the only home when he did that. I have never heard from him or seen him since. No phone calls, no emails, no birthday cards. My mother, she… Nobody could blame her really, but she didn't take it too well. Now she's almost never home either, working all the time, always between two planes. I myself barely ever see her. It's like Lima isn't her home anymore. So yeah, that's why you haven't met them yet."_

_Santana spoke fast, with no emotion. She was like a robot speaking of things that she didn't care about, like it didn't concern her. It made Brittany uncomfortable. She didn't know how to react, what to say. How do you console and comfort someone who doesn't even look sad ?_

_"I'm so sorry honey. I don't know what to say…"_

_"There's nothing to say Britt, it's ok. Please, let's not talk about it anymore. I just want to enjoy a night with my girlfriend"_

_Her tone was now pleading, emotions were back in her face. Brittany could only nod and hold her even more tightly. _

_After the movie, the girls went up to Brittany's room for the night? The day had been long for the both of them and they couldn't wait to we in bed, holding each other to sleep. There had not been intimate yet. Not that it hadn't been hard to resist, but Santana had insisted on any occasions that she wanted them to wait. Brittany respected that but it was sometimes very frustrating._

_Laying in bed, Brittany, who usually was the small spoon, decided to be the big one that night. Santana was still shattered from their earlier talk, even if she did her very best at hiding it, and the blonde felt the need to protect her and take care of her. _

_"Santana ?" Brittany asked quietly after a while. She knew the latina wasn't sleeping, because she was rubbing her hands and arms with her. _

_"Hmm ?" was all she answered._

_"I'll never leave you like your parents. I'll never leave you alone."_

_Those were simple words, but they were so full of promises and hope that the latina couldn't hold her tears anymore. She cried softly, turning around to face her girlfriend and kissed her. Gently at first, but then with more and more force. _

_Brittany took control and straddled her, keep their lips together. Then she started to work her way to her girlfriend's neck, while one of her hand slowly reached Santana's right breast. _

_"Britt, what are you doing ?" Santana stopped her, out of breath._

_"Don't you like it ?" The blonde suddenly felt embarrassed and hurt._

_"Yes, yes I do like it, I like it very much honey!" She tried to reassure her._

_"Then what is the problem ?" _

_Brittany was trying her best to not feel rejected, but it was hard._

_"I just want to make sure we are both ready for this. I used to just hook up and go at it with every girl around and I don't want that with you." _

_"So basically, you're telling me that you would accept to have sex with anyone… But me ?!" She didn't understand what Santana was saying, and it scared her as well as upset her._

_"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying." When she saw her girlfriend's face break down in hurt, the latina understood the misunderstanding and suddenly yelled : "NO! You don't get it, honey, please, look at me!" As she said that, Santana grabbed the blonde's face with both of her hands, forcing her to do as she was told._

_"I just want our first time to be special. You are special, very special to me, and I want you to always remember it as a magical night. I know you've never done it with a girl before, so I really want you to enjoy it as much as possible. I'm afraid you might regret it if we don't do it right. And I… It never meant anything to me in the past. Now it means the world. You're everything I ever wanted. I don't want to do anything to mess it up. I don't want to just 'have sex' with you… I want us to lake love, I want us to be together completely, like really, really be together." The latina looked down and let go of her girlfriend's cheeks._

_"Ughh, I'm not good with talking about this kind of things…" She added in frustration after a minute of silence_

_Brittany sated at her in disbelief, taking in all that she had just been told. _

_"Je t'aime." She said out of felt like she couldn't hold it in anymore, or just would explode with too luck feelings. She had never said those words like that before, to anybody, besides her parents and sister, but that was normal._

_She had imagined saying them, but always thought she would feel incredibly vulnerable and insecure. Instead, she was bursting with love, happiness and glee._

_"I love you Santana" she repeated in english. "I love you so much, and even more for wanting our first time to be perfect. But whatever the circumstances, it would always be perfect if it's with you and it would always be 'making love'. ALWAYS. I'll never regret sharing our love together."_

_Santana was speechless. Brittany was pretty sure that it was to soon for the latina to say it back, but she knew here girlfriend loved her back. There was no doubt in her mind. She would wait for her to be ready to tell her, she would wait forever._

_So instead of doing nothing and making her feel obligated to respond, she leaned in and kissed Santana's lips with care and love. The kiss rapidly turned into a heavy make out session as both girls started to undress the other one. _

_They did not sleep much that night. Instead, they discovered each other's body, sharing so much love that never one of them fully understood its force or its strength._

_Right after falling asleep, Brittany hold Santana as tight as possible, and whispered in her ears : "Oh and San, you're very very good at talking about this kind of things… I love you mon amour."_

_***Two weeks later***_

_"Close you eyes honey, please!" Santana said laughing at her silly girlfriend._

_"Whyyyyy, I want to see..." Brittany whined, trying to pout. But she herself couldn't contained her laughter. _

_Santana had driven her to her place by surprise right after high school was over that friday, claiming got be kidnapping her. _

_At that moment the blonde had wondered what she meant : "But San, this can't possibly be kidnapping. First, you would have to be forcing me to go with you, which you're really not because I'd go anywhere if it is where you are, and second, you would have to be a bad person to do that. And you are definitively not." _

_She was thinking hard saying that, and Santana had laughed at her adorableness. _

_The last two weeks had been even more wonderful than before. Brittany didn't know how that was possible, but is apparently was. Not that she complained. Their first night was everything they had both dreamed, and their bond only became stronger. They never got tired of each other, wether it was just hanging out in the park or in school, in the intimacy of Brittany's bedroom._

_The blonde had been telling Santana how much she loved her everyday, every chance she got actually, since that day, but the latina had not said it back yet. Brittany wasn't getting impatient, she knew her lover was guarded and scared. She just hoped that was the only reason she hadn't said it so far. _

_"Keep you eyes closed, it's almost done, please!" Santana pleaded._

_"Alright alright…!" Brittany laughed. "Soooo, it's just you and I this afternoon and this night ?" She asked with interest. _

_"Yes Britt, just you and I" the latina answered knowingly._

_"Hmm, interesting…" The french girl's eyebrows went up and down._

_"Ahah, you're even worst than me babe" Santana replied absent-mindedly, occupied with setting up the last details._

_Suddenly thinking of something else, the blonde asked : "What about Rachel and Brad and Karen ? Won't they worry ? And I don't have any cloths or whatever for tonight and tomorrow!" _

_It was cute how worried she was over her host family. She had grown very attached totem, considering them her family. _

_"Don't worry Britt, I took care of everything. I went by your place at lunch break to get your stuff and I called your host parents last night to ask for… you know, permission."_

_"Oooh, that's why you ditched me today at lunch then! I wondered…" Santana felt guilty all of a sudden, but it was for a greater cause. _

_"Thank you" Brittany added in a whisper, smiling. She looked so adorable and dorky with her eyes closed, it was ridiculous to be this cute._

_"Ok, you can open your eyes" Santana told the blonde about five minutes later, both sounding excited and anxious._

_When she did, the french girl could not even decide where to look first. They were in Santana's huge bedroom, huge like the Berry's living room. _

_Candle jars were all around the room, enlightening subduedly it. Flowers were covering most of the floor, and soft music was playing on the background._

_But what finally got Brittany's attention was the three pictures of Santana and her. One was on the bedside table, another was hanging on the wall, and the last one was by the latina's desk. The blonde didn't even know her girlfriend had printed them, she had absolutely no idea. The sight brought tears to her eyes. _

_A blanket was spread out on the floor at the end of the bed, with food all over it, as well as champagne. Brittany noticed pretty rapidly that it was only french food, which was very hard to find in Lima. She had mentioned them every once in a while, and didn't think that her lover listened hard enough to remember. Some of the stuff that were on that blanket must even have been imported directly from France. _

_'C'est fou le mal qu'elle a dû se donner pour faire tout ça!'__ (It's crazy how much trouble she must have gone through to do all of this!)_

_"Santana this is…" Finishing that sentence was not possible, Brittany was speechless. Once again, her girlfriend was taking her breath away. _

_"I had help with the set up, Rachel did have a few good ideas, or whatever" _

_Brittany laughed. Santana was still pretending to dislike her 'sister'._

_"And I had your parents help me to find tome of this stuff and mail them to me. It was too hard to do it on my own, I mean look at that thing, I can't even tell you how to say it's name!"_

_"It's 'camembert' Santana, it isn't that hard to say, come on try!" The blonde encouraged her girlfriend._

_"Caaamunnbiwwtt ?" The latina seemed pleased with herself until Brittany burst into laughing._

_"Whatever I'm never trying to speak french again in your presence." She pretending to be pouting._

_"Oh and on what other occasions would you do it then ?" The blonde teased._

_"With my next french girlfriend, duuuh." The answer came matter-of-factly._

_"Right, those come around quite often AHAHAH!" Brittany suddenly grabbed the latina's shoulders and brought her close to hug her and kiss her cheeks and neck._

_"Thank you San, for everything, it's beautiful, I love it. And thank you for going through all of this trouble. I have absolutely no idea how you did it. Correspond with my parents I mean. They're not exactly the best english speakers, and neither are you in french." She finished winking. "But that's ok honey, you'll learn, eventually" she added when Santana pouted._

_"We'll see about that!" Was all the latina said for a while, content with the hugging and kissing. They started swaying slowly to the music on the background._

_"You're welcome Love" she added later. _

_The term of endearment didn't go unnoticed by the blonde, but she kept quiet, feeling that her girlfriend wasn't done talking. _

_"There's so much I want to tell you, so much you deserve me to tell you and…" Santana looked down shaking her head and closing her eyes. _

_"It's ok honey, you don't have to say anything. This…" She waved at the room they were in, "This is more than I could have ever dreamt of. You're more than I could ever have dreamt of and more than I deserve. You're like magical." _

_"Oh Britt…" The latina looked between the two most beautiful eyes she had ever seen with so much emotion and love, before continuing : "Baby see that's when you say this kind of things that I know for sure that you DO totally deserve me and more, and you deserve to be told everyday how wonderful you are. You are the most perfect person I have ever met in my life. You're kind, funny, beautiful, caring, sweet, surprising, intelligent, charming, fabulous, and so so lovable. The list goes on and on… In one word, you're phenomenal. I didn't even know someone like you could exist. And sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, scared that you were just a dream, a result of my imagination. You have no idea how many times I have to pinch myself to make sure you are real. You… I just can't believe someone like you ever took the time to get to know me. I don't even know why you were interested in me in the first place. I'll never know. But what I do know is that I will never find anyone remotely as amazing as you, not that I would ever want to. You're it for me, I don't need anybody else. You know sometimes you meet people in your life, and they change it. Well, that's what happened with you. You changed my life forever, you changed it for the better. When I'm with you I feel like the real 'Me', and that never happens with anyone else. I never want to go back to the way it was before, I never want to not have you in my life. You make me a better person."_

_Santana stopped talking suddenly to just look at her girlfriend. Brittany was now fully tearing up, she could not believe how lucky she was to call Santana hers. She loved her so much it was incredible. _

_Finally, the latina pecked her lips briefly, and whispered, with her eyes never leaving the blonde's : "I love you Brittany, I have loved you since that party I think. I love you when you speak french to me, because your eyes turn mischievous. I love you when you wait for me at lunch break by the fountain, because I never have to wonder where you are or look for you and I always enjoy eating with you. I love you when you text me in the morning wishing me a good day even though you could do that 40 minutes later when we meet in school. I love you when you try to stare at me discreetly, thinking I don't notice, which I always do, because it makes me feel adored. I love you when you call me every night we spend apart to wish me a good night full of 'beaux rêves', because you'll never know how much hearing your voice appeases me. And I love you because you have never pressured me into saying it back. You are always so patient with me it's almost unbelievable. But I DO love you Brittany, I love you every minute of every day, I love you everywhere and all the time. All I ever do is love you, you're all that's on my mind from the moment I wake to to the moment I go to sleep. I will never stop loving you, I promise you. I'm yours forever." _

_Nobody moved, they just stared at each other with as much love and adoration possible. If Brittany was speechless before, she was now mute, struck dumb with her lover's declaration. It was the first time that she declared her love to her with words. She had done it so many times by her actions, but this was just breathtaking. _

_There was only one thing she could say : "I love you too, so much, you have no idea. And I'm yours, I'm so totally yours too, for as long as you want. I'll never stop being yours if you let me." _

That night had probably been the best one of her life. She never forgot anything from that night. Brittany was now back at her place, sitting on her couch and watching outside the window as lazy tears were coming down her face as the memory ended.

What she had told the latina was still true, she was still hers so completely it was ridiculous. She had always been hers and never belonged to anyone else. She thought back to her ex-lover's words : _'I will never stop loving you, I promise you. I'm yours forever.' _

She would have to fight to remind Santana of that, to remind her that they were meant for each other and that no one could ever love her as much as she did.

Right before going to sleep, she made a call.

"Hello ?" The voice answered.

"Santana, hi again, it's me, Brittany."

"Brittany, is something wrong ?" The latina sounded sleepy, which was almost perfect.

"No, everything's fine don't worry. I just wanted…" The blonde a deep breath, "I just wanted to wish you a good night with lots and lots of great dreams and beaux rêves. And tell you that I love you."

She spoke slowly and distinctly. It almost felt like a few years ago, except that then, Santana you tell her that she loved her too or something resembling.

"I… Huh, thank you Britt. Good night to you to…" The patina's voice was clearly shaking. She didn't hang up yet though, and Brittany didn't either. She was listening to the love of her life breathing, and to her ear, it was better than music.

Finally, after 2 good minutes of silence,, Santana spoke : "It still does, you know ?"

"What ?" Brittany had no idea what she was referring to.

"You voice, it still appeases me. Good night Britt." And with that she hang up.


	7. Chapter 7

**Bonjour à tous, here's next chapter. I hope you enjoy it! I'm not too happy about it, especially the end, but yeah, I'll let you decide what you think. **

**Next chapter, more things will be happening in the 'present'. Sorry for the slow pace, but I feel like it was necessary.**

**On a different note, please notice the change I made in the first chapter : Brittany's sister Emilie was no longer 8 when she first came to Lima, but 12. I had to change this detail for what I have in mind to work. Sorry !**

**Again, thank you for the reviews and alerts, you are all great. Please let me know what you think and your ideas if you have any =)**

**Oh and by the way, DAGLEEK, fantastic in french is **_**fantastique. **_**See, french is easy ;) (Thank you for your review)**

_**I do not own any of the characters.**_

Brittany was having a coffee with Rachel and they were easily chatting.

"How is your baby sister ?" The brunette asked.

"She's great! Not much of a baby anymore though! Can you believe that she is 18 ? I wasn't even 18 when I first met you! This is crazy…!" Every time she spoke about her sister, Brittany's eyes turned cheerful. They had always been very close, and she missed her dearly.

"Yes she's definitively not a baby anymore" Rachel laughed. "I wish I could meet her!" She added sadly.

"Actually you will, pretty soon! She is coming next weekend for a few days. She must miss me tooooo much!" The blonde was now completely overjoyed, not only about the thought of her sister coming, but also because she was super excited to share the news with her friend.

"Really ?! That's awesome! I can finally meet her, it's going to be so great! I'm going to show her everything there is to see here!" Rachel was getting too excited, so Brittany laughed before speaking.

"Well hold on there, I'll be wanting to spend time with her too you know ?" Brittany was clearly teasing her friend.

"I know I know don't worry, we will share" Rachel seemed to be thinking. "But, will she be like you were… Like will she not understand anything and…" The blonde couldn't keep her laughter inside at the worries covering Rachel's face all of a sudden.

"No don't worry Rach', she's very good in english already. She spends every summer in England, so yeah, she'll surprise us all. Because you know, my baby sister is a genius." The blonde added smirking proudly.

"I'm sure she is" The brunette laughed. Suddenly, Brittany looked worried. "What is it B ?"

"Hm, nothing, I'l just wondering how it will all go" the blonde answered enigmatically.

"What do you mean ?" Rachel was clearly lost.

"Well, you remember Santana came to France a year after I went home, right ?" Before her friend could answer, she continued : "Emilie and her met that summer, and they got along really well. Like really really well, I was so happy, it was just so perfect. I would have been devastated if they hadn't. Can you imagine, my two favorite people on this planet not liking each other ? But I mean, it was never a question in my mind really, I never doubted that they would become friends, not one second."

The brunette nodded, before adding : "Then what is the problem ?"

"I talk to my sister very often, and she asks for updates, you know… I mean she's my best friend, I tell her everything now that she's all grown up. Besides, all those years she has been asking me about Santana, and when I'd finally … How do you say in english ? Translating from french, it's like 'Get you fingers out of your ass and do something about it' or whatever."

Brittany was laughing at the expression. "It sounds weird doesn't it ? Anyway, she is not very happy about what is going on now. I told her that it's all ly fault and that she should not be mad at Santana, but Emilie, she just… She's like her you know ? She is cry protective of me, very stubborn, and she doesn't back down from a fight. I can't help but wonder what will happen when they meet again."

"You could just try to avoid it ?" Rachel proposed.

"No no, she won't have it like that. I'm telling you, she is probably already planning her talk with Santana. This might be a disaster. I would hate for them to fight because of me." Brittany finished sadly.

"B sweetie, it will be ok, you just have to trust both of them. Don't worry about it just yet. It will be fine, I'm sure of it. Besides I'll make Emilie so happy to be here that she won't even think about that anymore!"

Rachel was such an amazing friend, Brittany felt so grateful to have her back in her life. After all, she had hurt too. She laughed a little bit at her sister's name in Rachel's mouth. It wasn't hugely different than the french pronunciation, but still not the same.

A while later, Rachel asked : "And do you miss France yet ?"

"I always miss France when I'm away. You know, I've never felt more french than when I was here back in the days, and it's true again this time around. Don't give me wrong, I love being here, I love New York, and I love this country, but France is like… It's hard to explain. It's my country you know ? I know for a fact that when I'll have kids, I'll speak in french to them. Obviously, because then they'll be the smartest kids around speaking two languages with no accent. Oh my God it will be so awesome!" Brittany added dreamily.

"You're silly B, don't you think you have time for that ?" Rachel laughed.

"It never hurts to have a plan." Brittany answered abruptly.

"No of course not" the brunette tried to appease her. Lately her friend had been easily getting upset or even angry sometimes, and it wasn't like her.

"I'm sorry Rach', I didn't mean to get mad. I just… I feel like everything is crumbling down around me. I came back here for Santana, and I really thought we were making progress, but we're really not. Every night I call her to wish her a good night, and every morning I send her a text telling her I wish a good day, which she never responds to, and that's it. I thought by now she would have… I don't know. I feel stuck. I want to do more, but I don't know how. I tell her everyday at night that I love her, that I miss her, that I'm hers, and she just answers 'Good night Brittany'. Every freaking time. I mean, what is that ? What do I do now ? It's like she doesn't even care anymore. Am I holding on to nothing ? Rachel I'm so lost, and I feel so lonely. What do I do, what do I do ? Does she want me to let go ? Does she want to be left alone ? She never talks to me, I know nothing. Please Rach', tell me what to do… I need her back, I can't even breath like I used to, I can't function without her…"

The brunette hadn't expected the conversation to take this turn and watched her friend go from snapping at her to breaking down in tears. The sight was heartbreaking. The worst part was that she didn't know what to do to help her, and she had no idea how to answer her questions.

Santana religiously avoided talking about Brittany every time she tried to bring up the subject.

"B sweetie… I don't know what you should do. I honestly have no idea, Santana won't talk to me about you. If I mention your name, she goes silent and… Well you know, the old Santana is back and let me tell you, it's close to impossible to have a conversation with her. She gets so defensive it's crazy. I don't have a clue what is going on in that head f hers. She the opposite of you, you keep telling her and me how you feel, and she keeps… avoiding any talks regarding hers." Rachel paused, taking a breath and looking gently at her friend.

"Maybe you should give her some space, and stop with the calls and the texts and the 'I love you' and…"

"NO, no ! Are you crazy Rachel ?" Brittany asked in disbelief. "I'll never stop until she ask me to. I will never make the mistake to give up on her again, and I will never give up on us if she doesn't ask me too. I can't do that, do you understand ? She is the reason that I'm here for God's sake. She needs me to prove her that I'm here, that I'm really here. The last thing I need to do is give her another reason to doubt me. I just have to show her…" The weeping blonde could hardly breath at that point, let along finish her sentence.

Brittany looked at Rachel, but didn't like what she was. After a while of trying to recompose herself, she asked : "What is it ?"

The brunette seemed to be feeling uneasy and queasy.

"I just wonder if… I really hope that you're right and that Santana only needs time and reassurance and everything you said, but what if…"

"What if what ? What if what Rachel ?" Brittany repeated when her friend didn't answer. She didn't like the way this conversation was join at all but she had to know what the brunette had meant.

"What if you're wrong ? What if she doesn't…"

"Want me anymore ? Love me anymore ? Care about at all anymore ?" Brittany finished surprisingly calmly.

Rachel remained silent but nodded, lowering her head.

Brittany started crying when she said : "She promised, she promised she would never stop loving me. She promised that she would be mine forever. I know that I broke a lot of my promises to her myself, but not that one. She wouldn't… She would have told me, right ?"

The tone of her voice was so pleading now, like she needed something to hold on to so desperately in that moment that she might disappear if she didn't get it.

"I don't know sweetie, I don't know…" Were the last words spoken for a good while, until both women went home.

_Brittany was officially freaking out. Santana had been avoiding her for a week, she was sure of it now. At first, she had try to not think much of it, the latina claimed to be tired from cheer practice, or swamped by too many homeworks or whatever other reasons she found to explain her absence. Brittany had done her best to not read to much into it. She missed her girlfriend, but didn't want to seem to needy or whatever. It was non-sense in her mind. How can you be 'too needy' with the person you love and who is supposed to love you back ?_

_But then things started to get weird. They had hanged out after school, hadn't had lunch together or met before first period to go in together like the always did for 3 days. 3 DAYS! That wasn't normal. Something was wrong, definitively._

_It had all started last friday, but Brittany had no idea what happened. That day, like every day, they were supposed to go home together to the Berrys, do their homework and hang out. Nothing out of the ordinary. At lunch break everything was still normal. So whatever happened must have been in the afternoon, before school ended for the week. _

_Because after their last period, Brittany got a text from her girlfriend, saying that she wasn't feeling well and just wanted to go home. The blonde had tried to ask her if she could go with her to take care of her or whatever, but Santana had answered shortly that no, she didn't need to come along. She never answered 'shortly' to her, so that kind of set her alarm off. _

_That weekend was the first weekend since forever that they didn't see each other. Useless to say, Brittany had felt terrible. _

_'LONGEST WEEKEND EVER'_

_It was also the first weekend she had Skype France crying. Her parents felt terribly useless and didn't understand what was going on. Brittany seemed to be doing so well, it didn't make sense. She had refused to Skype Emilie, she knew too well her sister would have cried too, and she absolutely wanted to avoid that. Not wanting to upset them more, she had called them back on monday, pretending that everything was perfectly fine, that she just missed them. _

_Brittany was so anxious, it could be anything. Was the latina tired of her ? Did you meet someone else ? Did she want to go back to her old ways ? _

_Today was Friday, and she was going to take the matter into her own hands. She would wait for Santana by her car and force her to talk to her. She knew her girlfriend, and this situation had gone on for too long. The latina would have to explain herself. The thought sent shivers all over Brittany's body, because what if her fears were true ? What then ?_

_'Non non, ça sert à rein d'imaginer le pire'__ (No,it's useless to imagine all the ways this could go wrong)_

_It was time. She had texted Rachel to tell her not to wait for her, and there she was, by her girlfriend's car, waiting, more anxious and terrified than she had ever been. She kept looking around for the latina, until she saw her approaching alone, looking for something in her purse. She hadn't noticed her yet, which was gone she thought. _

_When she was close enough to read her face, Santana looked up and finally discovered the french girl a few feet away from her. She looked puzzled, like she didn't know how to react. Things rapidly got awkward. It was crazy, they had never been uncomfortable between the two of them. _

_"Hi San…" Brittany did her best to speak cal my, but there she was, shaking out of her mind. The terrified and confused look in her eyes was too obvious to go unnoticed._

_"Britt, what are you… I am kind of in a hurry right now" Santana tried looked down in shame. Both girls knew she was lying, Brittany always knew how to read her._

_"Do you want to break up with me Santana ?" The blonde looked so tired and sad it was hard to watch._

_Santana seemed extremely startled by the question. Brittany had always been direct, but this taking it to a whole new level. _

_"Britt, I really have to go…" Was all she could answer. _

_That was it, her answer. Santana hadn't denied, so there it was, in front of her, what she had been so afraid of for a week. Even longer actually, ever since falling for the latina, Brittany had been anxious about losing her. But she really thought that they were special. They had been together for months now, and never in a million years she could have seen this coming. _

_"Is that it Santana ? Is that all you are going to say to me ?" The blonde screamed between angry tears, grabbing her girlfriend's arms. She was getting so mad and she felt so betrayed and stupid._

_"Brittany you don't understand…" Santana wasn't reacting like she should, like she always did. Usually, when screamed at, she would fight back. But she was just facing down, barely ever making eye contact with the blonde, and looking even more defeated than her. The french girl decided to push her as far as she could, she had to get it out of there latina. _

_"What do I not understand, huh ? That you're too much of a coward to look at me in the eyes and say it ? That you don't want me anymore ? That you don't love me anymore? That you are leaving me ?" _

_"YOU ARE LEAVING ME! YOU ARE THE ONE LEAVING, NOT ME!" _

_It came out as a cry of pain, but it was still incredibly loud and clear. Time froze, and both girls seemed paralyzed as everything felt into place. Last friday. All the senior had had a meeting with the counselor talking about their future, colleges and stuff. Of course. _

_'Comment j'ai pu passer à côté de ça ?'__ (How did I miss that ?)_

_"Whaa…" Came out of Brittany's mouth, as she let go of her girlfriend and took a step back, shaking her had understood what Santana, the words were clear, but she refused to agree with her. She wasn't leaving her, was she ?_

_"You are leaving Brittany, in a few months you'll be gone. And I'll be left behind, all alone again." Santana was like a crying machine at this point, and Brittany could only stare at her. She didn't know what to do, how to react or what to say. Because Santana was right, she would go back to France a few months from then, and her girlfriend wasn't going to tag along. _

_Realization hit her so hard that she wondered how she managed to keep breathing. Everything felt different in that moment, she couldn't understand how she could have been so carefree seven days ago. Her entire world was crashing down, everything that she thought would happen, the way she had imagined things to go, it was all gone. Nothing was left. Her chest was more empty than it had ever been._

_She looked at Santana who was facing her with despair. Incredibly enough, the blonde was not crying, she was just… numb. _

_She needed to get away from here, she had to be on her own, to think about what had just happened and what she would do next. This situation was dragging everything down with it, and she refused to let it. _

_She took one last glance and the girl standing in front of her, before turning on her heels and walking away, ignoring Santana's sobs. _

_When she arrived home, she went straight up to her bedroom, ignoring Rachel's calls. She lied in her bed and buried her face in her pillow, while she cried harder than she ever had, holding her other pillow with both of her arms like it was a matter of life or death. _

_She thought back to how her and Santana had found each other, how they grew up together in just a few months. She then remembered everything they shared, how it was not just a high school romance. She was sure of it, they were meant to be, and it wasn't going to end because she was going home. It couldn't, their were stronger than that. The ocean between them might keep them physically apart, but they would always be together, they belonged to each other. Besides, she would find a way to come back to Santana, you knew she would. _

_She had been so afraid that the latina might not love her anymore just a few hours ago. And now here she was, crying alone in her bedroom when in fact, her girlfriend had been distant because she loved her too much. Santana had been acting like that only because she was scared of losing her. _

_'I'm so stupid!'__ she punched the bed. _

_She realized that she had left the girl she loved more than herself crying in the parking lot alone to deal with her fears alone. That was the worst reaction she could have had. _

_She jumped off the bed and ran downstairs and outside, without even taking a look in the living room. She just yelled : "I have to go see Santana" in the way, leaving the Berrys as confused as ever. _

_She ran all the way to the latina's house, hoping and praying that she would be there. She also hoped that she wouldn't be too mad at her for walking away. It was so not her to do that, she still didn't know what got into her head. _

_When she got there, she was relieved to see Santana's car in the driveway. She rang the bell hurriedly, not wasting any second. _

_A terrible looking Santana owned the door soon after. She was beautiful as ever, but she looked like a mess. She had obviously been crying ever since their talk, because her eyes were puffy and red. Her hair were messily tied up in a bun, and she was wearing what looked like a pajama, although Brittany had never seen it before. _

_When Santana saw Brittany standing in front of her, she looked surprised and confused, but before she could say anything, the blonde took the lead. _

_"San, I'm so sorry I ran out on you, I should have stayed to hold you and reassure you and tell you that I love you. I'm so stupid, I don't know what got into me I…" She was out of breath so she paused, looking at her amazing girlfriend. _

_"Britt you're not stupid, I am." Santana started but the blonde cut her off._

_"No I totally am. I just… When you said that I was the one leaving, it hit me so hard that it took my breath away. I couldn't think anymore, I just needed… I don't even know what was in my head at that time. It doesn't make any sense to me now. I thought that in a way you were right, because I am indeed going to go home. It's inevitable. I will get on that plane and leave. But it doesn't mean that I will be leaving You San, because that will never happen. Pease forgive me, I should have stayed with you, I should…"_

_Brittany was cut off by her favorite thing in the entire world : her girlfriend's lips. They kissed like frantically, desperately, holding on to each other so hard it was impossible to detach them._

_After a while, they both broke the kiss off to catch up their breaths. Santana spoke first : "Brittany, you are so sweet and perfect for saying all of this, but you ran away for 30 minutes. I've been running for a week. I'm the one who needs to apologize." _

_Before her girlfriend could protest, the latina continued : "You have such grace right now, I don't think you realize it. You probably just made me fall in love with all over again, even harder this time if that's even possible. But please shut up and let me talk." Brittany couldn't tell if Santana's voice was pleading or playful, likely both. _

_"Last week I went to this stupid meeting with the counselor, but I really didn't want to. It just felt like a waist of my time, because I already knew where I'd be going next year, which is New York. It's always been my dream. But as she was asking me questions about my future and everything, I choked out of nowhere. Yes, Santana Lopez choked. Whatever" Brittany smiled and her girlfriend's annoyance. her face turned serious again._

_"All I could see was you, and how you were not going to be there with me. As I came to that realization, I just lost it… I ran out of the room and broke down in tears. ME, in tears, in high school. I mean come on! Luckily nobody saw me, or else I would have been mortified."_

_Brittany giggled at that, taking one of Santana's hand._

_"Then I texted you and well… You know. I did what I do best, I ran away from everything. I don't know what I was trying to do, there is absolutely no logic in what I've done. I'm so sorry. I have been missing you the all time I have been avoiding you, craving for your touch, your voice, your eyes, your everything. I know I scared you, I feel so bad for it. I mean you really thought I was going to break up with you ? I barely made it through the last 30 minutes, I can't believe I put you through this and I can't even imagine what it must have been like. I hope you can forgive me because I can't go on one more day without you."_

_The blonde thought that Santana was done talking, and was about to tell her that she was done being in a fight too, that she loved her so much and that they were fine, when the latina spoke again, inquiringly and in disbelief._

_"But honey, Britt baby, how could you possibly think I didn't love you anymore ? Have I not proven to you how much I do ? Did I not tell you enough what you mean to me ?" She looked so small and shameful, like she was guilty of the worst possible crime ever. _

_Brittany couldn't let her think that she wasn't doing a good job at making her feel special and loved, because it was the contrary. Never in her life had she felt more adored and beautiful than with her girlfriend. _

_"Of course you have Santana, I just got crazy, I missed you so much and I was confused and hurt. But I knew, deep down I knew that you still loved me. I was just scared that I was losing you. Santana, you are the best girlfriend anyone could ever have, and you're mine. I'm pretty sure this makes me the luckiest girl on earth. Don't ever feel like you're not enough, like you're not doing everything you can, because you are doing so much more than that. I promise you. And I…"_

_"I love you" The latina cut her off, tears still in her eyes but smiling. _

_"I love you too." Brittany responded right before kissing her again. "And whatever happens, I will never love anybody else. I know that we are going to have to be apart, but I' will always find my way back to you."_

_"Do you promise ?" Santana looked at her with so much love and hope that Brittany had to kiss her again, before answering in a whisper : "I promise you."_

A few days later only, Emilie was there with Brittany, and they were easily chatting in the blonde's living room. When she had seen her at the airport, the younger girl had ran towards her sister and jumped into her arms. Brittany was so happy to have her sister back, she missed her everyday, and she really needed her to help her face the recent events and figure out what to do.

Moreover, she needed to be told that she wasn't crazy, that the love she shared with Santana wasn't only on her head, that their were really special and worth fighting for.

Rachel did not make it to the airport, much to her displeasure. She claimed that there was a curse of some kind, because it seemed like she could never meet a Pierce girl in the airport. Brittany had just laughed at her favorite drama queen.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, and Rachel came in looking excitingly around the room. The blonde smiled at the sight, waiting for her friend to see her sister next to the window.

When she did, she stretched out her arms in the direction of Emilie with an even bigger smile. Brittany's sister looked at her smirking and putting one of her eyebrow up. She then walked towards the brunette with an equally wide smile.

They greeted each other nicely and with happiness, it was amazing to watch for the blonde.

Rachel was amazed at how alike the looked, even if Emilie had something else in her eyes. The brunette thought that her friend had indeed been right, Emilie was probably a lot more like Santana than her sister.

After a while and a nice chat, the only american girl in the room exclaimed with glee : "Ooooh! I almost forgot! I've having a small get together saturday night at the Avenue, you guys HAVE to come! It's tradition, I do this every year since I moved here!"

The Avenue was the bar they usually went to, with great music and awesome cocktails.

"But Emilie is not legal yet, she won't get in" Brittany tried to make excuses.

"Don't be silly, you went to bars when you were here in Lima and you were younger. That's what fake ID's are for!" Rachel replied before Emilie could complain. The brunette winked at her, they were officially friends already.

"My sister thinks I am still a baby' the younger added anyway, with a strong accent. She could understand almost everything, but her pronunciation wasn't as good as Brittany's.

"Of course I do, because tu seras toujours ma petite soeur chérie!" Emilie rolled her eyes as Rachel made a face in confusion.

"Sorry Rach', I just told her that she will always be my baby sister" Brittany teased again, looking at her tenderly smiling friend.

"You two are so cute! Anyway, so yeah you two come around 8, it's going to be so great!" Rachel was getting excited again.

"Will she be there ?" Emilie's voice turned hard and cold all of a sudden.

Brittany's worries resurfaced all at ones. She had had a talk with her sister, and explained her the current situation. Let's just say, Emilie was not happy with Santana. The older sister had tried to talk some sense into her, telling her that she was the one who left her and broke her heart, but nothing helped.

_'So stubborn'_

"Yes she will, she is my friend you know..." Rachel hesitated.

"Good" was all Emilie answered.

Clearly, she had something in the back of her mind. Rachel and Brittany shared a look, both thinking back at their conversation of a few days ago, concern in their eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello amazing readers, chapter 8 for you!**

**I'll be getting back in school on monday, so updates may be less frequent. But It won't get too bad, I promise! **

**Anyway, thank you again for your reviews and alerts, vous êtes les meilleurs!**

**Sorry if there is any mistakes, and I'm pretty sure there's plenty of them. :/**

_**I don't own any of the characters.**_

_"I have been thinking Britt" Santana told her girlfriend, who was laying on top of her in the park. _

_The day was very nice and they had decided to go out to enjoy the sun. Some people looked at then strangely, like they didn't have a right to behave couply because they were both girls. Brittany didn't have a problem with that, she just didn't care. Santana however would usually get pissed off and slash them with her 'vicious vicious words'. _

_"And what have you been thinking about amazing girlfriend ?" Brittany pecked her lips and looked at her smiling. Her head was sitting on the back of her hands, lazily laying on Santana's chest._

_"You're a dork!" The latina laughed, soon followed by the blonde. _

_"I never really know what that means by the way. A 'dork'. I mean really. That's such a strange word!" She thought out loud, giggling. _

_"Not it's not honey, it is a perfectly fine and normal word of the english language. And don't tell me you french people don't have weird words! Every time you Skype France, I try to focus, I really do, because all I hear is… Sound. I hear the tone and pitch of you voice changing and all, and I hear you make incredible things with your voice, such a turn on by the way, but it's like you yourself don't know what you are saying."_

_Brittany faked being hurt and answered with her best pout : "Not my fault if you don't ever really try to learn french. And definitively not my fault if your ears aren't smart enough to keep up with me"_

_"Oh and would you be willing to teach me then ?" Santana asked playfully._

_"You want me to teach you some french, really ?" Brittany turned serious all of a sudden, and jumped off her girlfriend, to sit next to her. _

_"Well yeah, of course. You're french honey, why wouldn't I want to learn your language ? It's the biggest part of you, and I love it. Besides, I'll have to speak a little french at some point in my future, right ?" Santana was hesitant suddenly._

_"Of course you will chérie! My parents suck in english, so that will be a plus. And Emilie, she loves english, and she's actually getting better, but she will love that you decided to learn french a little bit. Oh my God, that would be so hot, you speaking french!" Excitement was now all over the blonde's face, and Santana could only giggle._

_"Hold on hold on there honey, I'm not fluent just yet!" She laughed._

_"Let's start right now!" Brittany ignored her. "Hum, the basics : 'I love you' is…"_

_"Too easy babe : 'je t'aime' !" Santana answered proudly. _

_"Alright alright, maybe you are too good for me!"Brittany teased, but added "Although you could work on you pronunciation AHAHAH"_

_"You're so mean! I'm not trying again." The latina stated as promptly as she could, faking annoyance. _

_Brittany leaned into her and slowly kissed her neck maliciously, making her way to her girlfriend's left ear and whisper, again and again : "Please, please baby, try again, I'll be nice I promise, I won't mock you anymore, I swear, please, please…"_

_Santana rapidly gave in to the blonde's pleads._

_"Alright great! Now, hmmm… Listen to me carefully : 'Tu me manques dès que je ne suis pas avec toi' "_

_"Hmm, ok huh… Baby that was a long one! What does it even mean ?" Santana asked._

_"You're right, sorry. It means : 'I miss you as soon as I am not with you anymore', word by word" _

_"Oh, is that true ?" Santana's eyebrows went up and down as she smirked._

_"Santana, focus!" Brittany encouraged her, but added, smirking as well : "But yeah of course I guess it's true"_

_They kissed right after that, soon forgetting the french lesson._

_"San ?" Brittany broke the kiss._

_"Hm, yeah ?" The latina was still very focused on the blonde, slowly kissing her neck. _

_"You said that you have been thinking ?" She remembered._

_"Oh yeah, that's right, I have!" Santana straightened herself, regaining composure. _

_"It's about what will happen after this summer, you know, when you…" _

_Brittany scrunched her nose and whined : "San, why do you want to talk about that, it makes me sad…"_

_"No honey, please listen to me. I thought that I could… come with you! How great would that be ?" Santana seemed so excited, the blonde didn't understand._

_"What ?"_

_"Yes! Honey that would just be the perfect solution. I don't have any family here, I'm sure my mother would be more likely to visit me in France than in Lima. And I could go to college with you, we would be together.."_

_"Is that why you said that you would have to speak french in the future ?" Brittany was very serious, and her girlfriend appeared less excited all of a sudden. _

_"Well, yes it is. Does it matter ?" She looked confused._

_"Santana, you can't possibly… College in France, it doesn't work the same way, you wouldn't be able to study really, I mean it would be so complicated and… And you don't even speak french at all, how could you, like … And what about all of your friends here, your life ? It's not easy to leave everything behind, trust me…" Brittany was obviously freaking out a little bit. _

_"As opposed to let you leave without me and be left here alone ?" The latina shot back, upset. _

_"San, baby your dream is New York, it has always been New york, hasn't it ? You've told me so many times, I know that's where you want to go, and…" _

_"Dreams change Brittany! They really do…" Santana wasn't upset or mad anymore, she was… Sad, so sad, and hurt. "You are my dream now, I don't want to be without you, I can't…" _

_The tears in her girlfriend's eyes were too much for Brittany to handle, so she hugged her as tightly as possible._

_"I can't let you do that baby, I just can't…" It broke the blonde's heart to say that, but she knew she had to. She couldn't let her lover sacrifice her dream like that. _

_"Don't you want us to be together ? Why are you so reluctant to let me follow you Brittany ?" Santana obviously didn't understand the conflict in the blonde's mind. _

_"Of course I want us to be together, I want us to be together forever San! And we will be, I'm sure of it. There is no one else for me! But this, you can't do that. You have to go to New York and fulfill your dreams. I will still be here, I promise you. You won't lose me over this."_

_Brittany had an idea in the back of her mind, but she didn't want to spill it just yet. She knew that if she did, her girlfriend would have to exact same reaction that she just had. So she didn't mention it, and tried her best to reassure the girl in her arms that she loved her more than anything. That if she didn't her to come to France, it was only because she cared too much about her and her dreams to let her sacrifice them for her. That she was too scared that the latina could end up resenting her for dragging her all the way across the world. Who knew if the french lifestyle would please the latina ? _

_"Britt, what are we going to do then ? It's going to be months and months apart… What are we going to do ?"_

_The voice was so pleading and weak that it broke the blonde's voice. She herself was terrified about leaving the love of her life behind, but now was not the time to tell her. Now was the time to be the strong one in the relationship, to be the one reassuring and confident. _

_And that's what she did for the rest of that day, never letting Santana get too deep in her own sadness and sorrow. _

Brittany and Emilie arrived at the bar a little bit late. It had been hard for the older girl to pick the right outfit, even though her sister did her best to help her. Useless to say, she was freaking out. She had not seen Santana since that talk at the coffee place. Of course, every night the blonde kept calling her former girlfriend to wish her a good night of sleep, but even this was getting depressing. She needed things to improve now, or she would lose her mind. There was still Hope in her heart, but it was getting difficult to justify her choices to everyone including her.

Where was the difference between tenacity and stubbornness after all ? How do you know when to hold on and when to let go? It was all too confusing, although the blonde would not even consider the last mentioned option. She was not about to back down, Santana was worth everything. She was worth fighting for, waiting for, and most of all, she was worth going through any kind of pain for.

When they stepped in, eyes turned to them instantly. They were both gorgeous, and people could tell that they were something exotic about them. Besides, they were speaking french, which always was intriguing for americans.

Brittany finally located Rachel and her friends happily chatting by the corner of the bar. When she told her, Emilie encouraged her to go meet them while she when to the bathroom.

"Tu vas déjà aux toilettes ?! On vient à peine d'arriver" Brittany stated. (You're already need the bathroom ? We just got here ")

Emilie shrugged her shoulders and made her way to the restroom.

The older blonde seemed uneasy for a second but went to great Rachel anyway. Her friend hugged her tightly in return. The she greeted all of the brunette's friends. She only knew some of them already.

Finally, Brittany looked at the perfect woman standing next to her, looking slightly uncomfortable. The blonde wondered why. Things weren't awkward when they talked on the phone, if you could call that talking.

"Hello San, how are you ?" The french girl asked timidly.

Santana just looked at her for a little bit too long. The blonde knew she looked good on her black dress, she had picked it out just for her ex-girlfriend. She was the only person she wanted to look beautiful for.

When she regained composure, the latina answered looking embarrassed : "Hi Britt, it's good to see you." She instantly shook her head and closed her eyes as hard as she could. Words had slipped out of her mouth too quickly and she probably regretted saying them.

Willing to move on, she added : "Is that your sister I saw enter with you ?"

Brittany was lost in thoughts, so she just nodded.

"Oh my God that's so great! I've missed her! She looks so grown up it's crazy!"

It had been a while since Brittany, or Rachel for that matter, had seen the latina so excited about something. It was nice to see that she was still in there somewhere.

"Yeah yeah she isn't 14 like she was when you met anymore… But huh, San…" Brittany was anxious about them meeting again. She had no idea how her sister would handle herself, or what she would say to her ex-girlfriend.

"Je vois qu'on parle de moi soeurette ?" (Talking about me I see sis' ? ") Emilie asked her sister and her sister only, hence the choice of language. She was smiling at her mischievously.

"Emilie! Oui euh, ben…" Brittany stuttered, french style.

"Hi Santana, long time no see!" Emilie interrupted her sister and looked at her old friend with interest. "Beautiful as ever huh ?" she added, looking at her up and down kindly.

The latina blushed and looked between the two blondes with uncertainty. Finally she spoke, smiling : "Emilie, you look great, I'm glad you're here so we can catch up!"

This was obviously not done on purpose, but it broke Brittany's heart a little more. Santana had never expressed the urge to catch with her, to know what had been going on in her life for 4 years. She had never even asked how she was doing at her new job, if she liked New York so far, or if she didn't miss France to hard this time around. Nothing. And there she was, wanting to 'catch up' with her sister. It was both nice and heartbreaking.

Of course, Emilie hadn't broken her heart. Of course.

"You want to catch up, with ME ?" The girl answered sarcastically.

Things were tensing up already, but Santana didn't seem to understand what was going on.

"Huh, well yeah I mean we haven't seen each other in 4 years and neither have we talked, so…"

If it had been anyone else, Santana wouldn't have put up with her tone and would have snapped at her like she knew way too well how to do.

"See, that's funny because I thought you weren't interesting in french women anymore, especially not in the Pierce's women." Emilie answered, still very calmly. She had such assurance and looked so confident it was hard to keep up with her.

Santana looked startled at first, slowly understanding what was happening. Brittany was afraid. From the latina's point of vue, it seemed like she hadn't told Emilie the all story, which would explain why she was mad at her.

Maybe that's why her ex-girlfriend looked at her annoyed, confused and mostly hurt, trying to comprehend the situation.

Rachel had heard the all thing, but her other friends were too busy drinking cocktails. Thankfully.

"Excuse me" Santana suddenly said before walking away towards the bar counter. She looked pissed and all alone at the same time, it saddened Brittany even more. She had been so hopeful for that night, where she would finally get to see her ex-lover, and talk to her. Maybe they would have had a good time together and things might have been better after.

She felt like a fool for hoping too much. But with Santana, there was nothing else to do but hope and pray.

Emilie ran after her and urged Brittany to stay back : "Laisse-moi faire Brittany, fais-moi confiance" was all she had said. The older blonde seemed to be thinking for a minute, and finally watched her run after the love of her life with worried eyes. (Let me go Brittany, trust me)

Santana was sitting by the counter, asking the barman for a drink. Emilie watched her from behind for a moment, wistful, while the latina just waited for her order. She hadn't noticed the french girl looking at her.

Emilie finally walked to her and surprised her, saying : "I didn't like, you know."

Santana turned around to see who was talking to her, but as she did, she already knew. She stared at the younger girl and rapidly looked away to hide her wet eyes. Nevertheless, she managed to ask Emilie what she had meant, puzzled.

The blonde took a seat next to her, keeping her eyes on Santana. After a few seconds, she looked away and began her explanation.

"My sister is my best friend. She is everything to me, I'll never meet anyone half as amazing as her. I think you know what I mean." The latina looked away, not wanting her eyes to answer that question.

"When I was 12, she left home to live her dream. It was awful for me, I felt like I was losing the most important thing in my whole life, and there was nothing I could do. Brittany, I know she felt bad for leaving me behind, so I acted as if it was ok, and it was in a way because I was so happy for her. But inside I was truly devastated to not see her for a year." She paused, gathering her thoughts. Santana seemed now genuinely interested in the conversation, although she remained silent.

"But you know, I thought that it was only ONE year, that after this experience she would just come home and that would be it. I would finally get her back. But then… Something changed. At first we, my parents and I, we couldn't put our fingers on it. She was acting kind of different. You are going to say that I'm exaggerating, I mean how could we have noticed such thing just over Skype dates, right ? But I swear we did, it was so obvious. There has always been some kind of glow about her, but that, it was just… Different. And then she… She started talking about you. It all fell into place. I never cared that you were a girl, or anything like that. All I could see is that my sister was falling in love with you, an american girl, living thousands of miles away from France. I was pretty young, but even then, I could not have missed it. She was just so… sparkling. You remember, I mean she was just something, right ?"

Santana did not look away that time. Her eyes moved down a little as images from that Brittany came back to her mind. When she met Emilie's eyes again, she didn't have the same look. She was vulnerable all of a sudden.

"That's when I got scared. I just got terrified. What if Brittany decided to never come back in order to stay with you ? What if you took her away from me ? What if she… loved you more than me…?" Emilie, for the first time that night, lost her confidence and seemed weak.

"Em, your sister, that wasn't, I mean, do you have any idea how much she talked about you all the time ?" Santana said quickly. They just stayed silent for a few seconds, before the latina added : "And it was a different kind of love…"

"IS" The blonde cut her off.

"What ? Santana was confused.

"It _is _a different kind of love" She explained simply. She didn't let the latina answer that, because she continued talking : "Anyway, because of all of that, I didn't like you, not one bit. I mean, yeah obviously I liked that you were so good to my sister, that you made everything so great for her. She talked about you all the time too, you know ? I would have had to have been blind to not see how amazingly perfect you guys were for each other."

Santana could only nod, because that was only the truth, and both girls knew it.

"But you were also the person who was possibly taking the most awesomest person on earth away from me. There is only ONE Brittany, and you know that as well as I do, I was so afraid to be slowly losing her over you. Obviously, I knew I would never lose her completely, but she was not with me, she was with you. But then, then she came home. She came home and it was an amazing feeling to have her back in our house. We got her back and I was ecstatic. However, I soon realized that we never really did. Don't give me wrong, she was happy, really happy to see us all and be in France, and speak french and you know, be here. But she constantly missed you. She didn't even have to say it, it was written all over her face. And then, I didn't dislike you anymore, because I could never dislike a person who makes her smile and makes her be herself completely. The summer after that you came for a visit, and you were lucky I had changed my mind about you, because I can be a bitch especially when I'm protective of Brittany."

Santana laughed with Emilie at that, adding : "Yeah I got a glimpse of that!" She turned serious again, fully concentrated on the blonde's speech.

"And well, the rest is history, I don't need to tell you what happened next… She did what she thought was right, which was obviously a mistake, but… I mean, we are all so used to her being so perfect all the time that nobody thinks to look at her as a human being. She is bond to make mistakes just like the rest of us, as amazing and unique as she is."

That seemed to get Santana thinking hard, eyebrows scrunched and head down.

"The years she spent without you, she was never… I never saw my sister like she used to be since she first left for her year in Lima, except that summer when you came to visit. Never. But those years, they were the worst by far. I'm not going to get into that, because I am pretty sure you have had you share of awful moments on your own during that time. But I just want to finish by saying something else. During those years, whenever someone would ask her what she wanted to do with her life exactly, where she saw herself after graduation and so on, she never answered. She never did, and it was so weird because she had always had a plan. Deep down I knew that she still did, she just didn't want to jinx it. It was about you of course, we all discovered it, not so surprisingly, when she told us all that she was moving here for a new job. In fact, and we both know that, she was moving here for an entire different reason. For you. It was all about you, it has always been just about you. Only this time I was almost happy to 'lose' her. I mean, you should have seen her face on the drive to the airport. The old Brittany was back, the 'Santana Brittany' as I call it, it was beautiful."

The latina was tearing up by now. Her best attempts at keeping her eyes dry were out the window. Emilie had a surprisingly straight face. That girl was strong!

"She told me what happened since she got here. I know all about her mistakes, I know the all thing. By the way, she would never tell the story in a way that would make her look better. You should know that."

Santana looked down in shame, but couldn't say anything to that. Emilie was right, she should have known that. She _knew_ that.

"The phone calls at night like back when you were dating, the texts in the morning, the talk. I know everything. And she know what else she told me ? That she will never give up. That she… God it's so crazy and I can't believe I'm about to say that, but she told me that she knows she doesn't deserve you after what she did, that she probably never did even, because somebody like her could never be enough for someone as amazing as you, but that until you tell her to back off, to leave you alone, she will never back down. That's how much she loves you Santana. And that's how amazing she is. You will never find another Brittany and we both know it. Now…"

She stopped and got closer to the weak-looking latina, making sure she paid attention.

"…Now, I'm not going to beg you to take her back or whatever, because it should be the other way around. I mean do you have any idea how many people have been lining up for her her all life, and more especially for the last 4 years ? I am sure you do, because you know how great she is. But no, she just wants one person, like she is only capable of loving one person out of 7 freaking billion people. Anyway, as I said, I'm not going to beg. But what I am going to do is ask you to please, _please_, make up your mind. Look at her, she is miserable. I have never seen her more focused on one thing, that's true, but it's destroying who she is. Do you remember bubbly Brittany ? Where is she, do you know ? I don't know who would be crazy enough to not take her back, especially after everything that she has done to get you back, to prove you how much and how desperately she loves you, and how sorry she is for her mistakes, but if you are that crazy, then please set her free. Of course I would never get the old Brittany in this version, but at least she could try to build her life again."

The speech was getting incredibly emotional, it was draining for both girls.

"But I don't think thats it's what you want, is it ?" Emilie tilted her head, attentively watching the latina. "I think that you still love her, just as much as you did before. I think that it's very hard for you to keep your eyes off her when you are in the same room and even harder to keeping your feelings to yourself. And I think that it is the reason why you have been avoiding her. I also think that her phone calls at night are the best part of your day, that her texts in the morning make you happier than you would like to admit. I think that her moving here to New York made you feel more complete than you have in years. I think that when you look at her, you can hardly resist the temptation to touch her, to hold her close to you and kiss her. I think that the only thing you really want in life is to take care of her and make her happy like you promised her so many times. Because yes, all you want to be able to do is keep all of your promises to her, that neither you or her ever forgot. But mainly, I think that you are TERRIFIED . Terrified that you might get hurt again, that it might not go well, that she might leave you again. Like staying this way is any better anyway…"

Emilie had such intensity, she was so serious and gentle that the latina could hardly love, so focused on her.

"But don't you see Santana, she is yours. She has been yours and yours only for years. I understand that you're scared to lose her again, but what you are doing is wrong. You give so much place to your fears in your life that you don't realize that this is your chance. This kind of love only happens once in a lifetime, and not for everyone. And you guys have been given a second chance, for God's sakes. Don't waist it, don't you dare waist it."

She paused, before adding her final words : "Please, stop punishing her…" She finished, and left the latina alone at the counter.

That was the last drop. The last 3 words hit Santana like a million trucks in the stomach, taking away her ability to speak move or breath.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello readers, next chapter for you =)**

**It was the hardest one to write by far, only because I wasn't sure what I wanted to happen next. I noticed that Emilie's little speech didn't please everyone, which I fully expected. Maybe this chapter will make you feel better, or not :P**

**Anyway, I hope I don't disappoint. Please let me know if you have any ideas for what you want to see in the next few chapters!**

**Thanks for your support, you are great!**

_**I don't own any characters. **_

It took Santana a good 10 minutes to recover from Emilie's monologue. She felt everything at the same time. She could not even start drinking her cocktail ; she was like frozen in time, hearing over and over again what she had just been told.

At first, she was completely conflicted. Maybe Emilie was right saying all of that, maybe she was indeed being unfair to Brittany. But then again, she wasn't being anything on purpose. She was just trying her best to deal with everything. It had all happened so fast, with no warning, how was she supposed to react ?

She had just spent the worst 4 years of her life. And that was saying a lot, considering her father left her years ago when she was barely a teenager, and her mother completely ignored her as well, to busy drowning her sorrow in work.

Then she had dealt with everything the only way she knew how to : putting on a face, acting as if she was the happiest and strongest girl around, but never ever letting anyone close. Oh no, that would be dangerous, and if Santana had learnt something from all of this, it was that you are never too careful with your feelings.

But today, she couldn't exactly do the same thing. First, she wasn't the same person. She knew what it felt like to share a kind a love that changes you. She knew that she could never go back to acting like a total bitch with any woman after… Well, after Brittany. The blonde had made her a better person, and she wasn't willing to forget all of that, as hard as she pretended to want to. But that wasn't even a question, because she had a hard time even looking at a woman in that way. And secondly, it was too late for that. One look into the french woman's eyes and she was sure that nothing had changed.

She still had the same effect on her, the effect that she had always had. For days and weeks and months she had hoped to get her lover back, but it never happened. Now there she was, in New York, roles reversed.

Santana could act coldly, she could ignore her, she could look everywhere but in her eyes, but what she couldn't do was to lie to herself when the truth was so obvious.

She was still incredibly in love with Brittany, irrevocably. Nothing could ever change that.

But did she even really want the reality to change ? Would she be willing to forget and get over that kind of love ? Because she now knew that she had been right all those years back. Their love was a unique kind of love. After the all break-up thing, she had started to believe that maybe she had imagined it all, the '_special bond_', but she was now convinced that it was the pure truth.

Santana remembered how they had met. Back then, the 'high school Santana' act was perfectly on, making her one of the most popular girl in school. She would flirt with just about anyone, and often did a lot more than flirting, but would never get attached. Brittany came in the picture and baaaam. No walls guarding her heart could resist her, no attitude was convincing enough to last when she was around.

Santana had soon discovered that it felt incredibly good to let go, to try and live completely, to trust herself and someone else to take care of her. She gave her heart, her soul, her body, her mind, everything that she was to Brittany, with no conditions, not holding back anything, She trusted her girlfriend more than she had ever trusted anyone, never expecting to end up alone, empty and broken. There was no describing what she had gone through. Never in a million years could she have seen it coming, the sudden and immensely painful ache she felt in her whole body for years and years that nothing seemed to be able to heal.

Nothing up until a few weeks back anyway. The thought was excruciating. The fact that with only one look, with only hearing her voice for 3 seconds, seeing her barely longer, Santana had felt better than with 4 years of trying her best to go on in life and move on.

It hadn't been exactly surprising though. The latina never got over her ex-girlfriend, and she never even tried to pretend like she did. She just avoided talking about her, and always stayed away from any other kind of relationship. She was sure to not be able to love anyone else anyway, and wasn't willing to pretend. It would not have been fair to the women or to her. She was done with the part of her life. What she wasn't done with however was putting on a face. That was her only option, or she would just disappear, swamped with her pain.

As complet as she felt since Brittany was back in her life, she could not just overlook the last 4 years and act as is nothing happened. She was so scared though. Of everything. Of giving her ex-lover another chance, of taking too long to decide what to do, of losing her again… Some nights, she would lie in her bed, waiting for the phone call she would not miss for the world, holding her breath. Maybe last night's call was the last one of them, maybe Brittany had gotten tired of it, of calling and not getting anything back in return.

But then her phone would ring, and every time Santana's heart would beat out of her chest, her eyes closing in what can only be called _relief._ Never the blonde had failed to call, never had she failed to text her in the morning. But the latina could tell that the cheery voice and the enthusiastic texts and turned into something else. Not routine, not at all. But the tone of Brittany's voice was each time more hesitant, more anxious, although not more distant. With every phone call she sounded less and less confident, closer to the question that Santana didn't want her to ask. She feared it so much, because she didn't know how to answer it. But someday it would come, it was almost inevitable if nothing changed, inspite of Brittany saying that she would never give up.

Some night, she would call the latina, and she would ask her : 'Santana, do you want me to stop calling you every night ?', or worse : 'San, should I give up ?', 'Do you want me to leave you alone and not bother you anymore ?'.

What could she answer to that ? 'Yes, stop calling me because I am not sure if I will ever be able to trust you again' ? Would that be the right thing to do ? Setting her free in some way ? But that would strangely look like what Brittany had done 4 years ago. Wouldn't it make her a hypocrite ?

Besides, that could possibly mean losing the best person on earth a second time, by her own fault this time. Could anyone survive that ? Because she had in some ways just gotten her back.

Or should she answer : 'No, please keep calling me, don't let go just yet'. Would that be right or fair to Brittany ? Santana knew that the blonde would do as told, but for what and of how long ? She wasn't exactly leading her on, but she was so lost and scared that she had no idea what the future hold for them.

It was all too confusing and the latina hated it. She liked to know where she was going. And right now, everything was a huge mess.

Emilie's speech was pretty accurate and Santana wondered if she was that readable. Probably. She was indeed terrified, but that wasn't all. She felt betrayed and hurt and she still didn't understand everything.

Four years was a long time. It took Brittany 4 freaking years to come back for her. How is that even possible, if she knew all along that she still loved the latina and that she wanted her back ? She could and should have spared her ex-lover and come back to her a lot sooner. She might have not been done with school, but a relationship with Brittany, even with millions of miles between them, was always better than … Than anything without her.

They would have made it worked, she was sure of it.

Now it was too late for that. She looked around the bar to the table where her friends were quietly chatting. Emilie was back with her sister, who looked at her with worried eyes. She always looked at her, _always_. It reminded Santana of their time in high school, when Brittany would not so secretly watch her during every class they shared. Then she loved it so much. Now, although she had to admit she liked it too, it was mostly hard to handle. The love she saw in those beautiful blue eyes both warmed her heart and made her feel like the worst person on earth.

She looked back at Emilie and remembered her every words. Suddenly they made her mad and angry. The younger Pierce had no right to talk to her like that and she was the one not being fair. She had no idea what it had been like for her and it was none of her business.

She abruptly stood up from her chair and walked energetically to her friend's table, rage taking over her. Santana was still Santana after all, and her tempter had not change. Brittany watched her come her way and her eyes turned really anxious, and panic was readable on her face. She knew her too well, still, and could tell that the latina was about to explode.

"EMILIE! You have absolutely no right to talk to me like you did, and you have no idea what you are talking about." Santana spoke firmly, keeping her voice down but strong. Her eyes were fixed on the younger blonde ; However, as mad as she was, what was the more obvious in them was… defeat. She continued talking after a few seconds. Everyone was frozen in surprise.

"You can't possibly know what I've been through in the past 4 years or how I've felt when the woman I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with gave me one lousy 5 minutes phone call telling me that it was all over. You don't and I hope for your sake that you never do!"

Santana saw Brittany look down in great shame, clutching her jaws, and felt bad for her. She hadn't meant to say that out loud, it was nobody's business but their own, and she regretted her words. It was never her intention to make the blonde feel any more guilty and worse about the events of 4 years ago. But she kept going anyway.

"Don't come in here where I'm spending a nice evening with my friends, trying to forget all the drama, and tell me that the only way I found to deal with it all is wrong. I am really doing my best, and if that's not enough, then I'm sorry. You don't get to tell me how to handle the situation. I am not…" Santana hated herself for the tears that were starting to gather in her eyes. She wanted to stay angry and angry only, but it didn't seem possible when the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever seen were glued on her. She never used to cry, but with Brittany she just couldn't avoid it. One look at her and all her anger was gone, leaving her alone with her regrets and sadness.

"I just can't…"

Santana decided that the tears rolling on her cheeks and her voice cracking, preventing her from finishing her sentence, were her cue to leave.

With only one more look to Brittany, she grabbed her purse and walked away towards the exit.

Once outside, she walked in the direction of her apartment, and felt like she could finally breath again. She tried not to think of the last 3 minutes in there, where she could not even stay angry longer than 45 seconds, only because she made the mistake to look at the wrong blonde, who was obviously looking at her back. Her eyes were so… Mesmerizing, still, _of course_, but… How could there be all this love and care in them ? And guilt, so much guilt.

"Santana, San please…" The voice forced her to focus on reality.

"Please San, stop!" It was Brittany's voice calling her. She did as told and stopped, not turning around though. The blonde walked around her to face her, but didn't say anything.

The latina looked at her and decided to start talking first : "I'm not trying to hurt you, you know ?" Her voice was firm but gentle at the same time.

"I know" Brittany answered softly, her voice cracking already. Santana noticed that she was sobbing silently. "I am sorry for Emilie, I had no idea… I don't even know what she told you but... I just knew that she wasn't happy with you. I shouldn't have let her…"

"It's ok Britt. Emilie she… She just cares about you so much, you're lucky you know, to have a sister who willing to go against anyone to protect you ? I mean I shouldn't be surprised, I know Emilie and I've seen what kind of relationship you have, I should have known that she would react like that…" She paused, shaking her head. "She is protective of you and I can't blame her for that, I was probably worse when we… And I…" Santana swallowed hard, struggling to finish her sentence, "I would still be if I let myself."

Brittany looked up to meet her eyes, and both girls got lost in the moment.

"But you won't let yourself, will you ?" She sounded small and weak, it was heartbreaking.

"Britt, I…"

"It's ok San…" The blonde tried to cut her.

"No Britt, I have to say this. Emilie, she asked me to stop… '_punishing'_ you." Brittany looked confused. "This is not what I'm doing, you have to know that, right ?"

"I don't understand" the blonde was obviously lost.

"You sister thinks that this is some kind of pay back for you breaking up with me. That I'm not taking you back because I want you to suffer first, or something like that, I don't know exactly. But that's really not…"

"SAN! You don't have to convince me that you are not doing all of this to hurt me or get back at me. I know, because I know you. You would never hurt me on purpose, you never did and you never will. I know San…" Brittany grabbed on her of hand on instinct, not letting it go. She stared so intensely into the latina's eyes that she almost forgot what they were talking about.

"Britt… This is such a mess…" Santana was at loss for words.

"I am sorry, it's all my fault. I came back thinking that… I now it's all just a disaster, I really thought… But I realize that I'm just making everything more complicated for you, and worse than they were before…"

"It is complicated, but it's not worse. Nothing could ever be worse Brittany. I just think that we need time. Maybe we could, I don't know… try and… I don't know, start fresh maybe ? I don't want to lose you again by taking to long to make up my mind, but I feel so stuck right now, I need to learn how to have you in my life again"

"You won't ever lose me again San, not until you ask me to go, and even then you would still have me"

Santana wondered how could Brittany always have the right answers.

"So, maybe, do you want to, like… This sounds so weird, but do you us to be friends ?"

"You want to be my friend ?" The blonde seemed surprised and hurt.

"Yes, see how we can fit in each other's life now. And mostly see if you can still handle me!" She joked, surprising both of them.

"Well I seem to remember handling you just fine honey" The term of endearment slipped out of Brittany's mouth, but she didn't seem to mind, while a huge smile appeared on her face.

"Whatever you say Britt, whatever you say. Well, I think I'm just going to head home now, I am exhausted"

"Oh right sorry, be safe, and huh, good night then..." Brittany smiled at her one last time and Santana turned around, only to look back 2 seconds later, uncertain.

The blonde seemed curious as to why her ex-girlfriend was now facing her again, but she remained silent, waiting for the explanation that would surely come.

"Will you… Should I expect… Huh..." Santana was very uneasy and wasn't sure she could finish her question.

But Brittany could obviously read her, because she suddenly smiled softly and walked in her direction until they close enough to touch, before speaking : "Yes Santana, I will still call you later tonight to wish you a good night"

When she finished her sentence, she slowly leaned in and kissed the latina's cheek softly. It only lasted for a few seconds, but it was enough to take her breath away and for million of butterflies to start messing around in her belly. The touch of the blonde's lips on her skin felt like Heaven, like it had always felt, or maybe even better than ever. After such a long time of being deprived of her, Santana couldn't help but feel better in that moment than she had in the last 4 years.

Brittany then smiled at her again and walked back inside the bar.

_'Maybe this is all going to turn out ok.'_

_There had been no more talk about the inevitable moment when Brittany would have to leave and go home. Both girls religiously avoided talking and eve thinking about the sensible subject. Santana didn't totally let go of her idea to follow her girlfriend, but she had to admit that it wouldn't be easy. _

_First she wasn't exactly fluent in french, and second she had absolutely no idea what she could do over there. She had always wanted to go to college in New York, so finding an all other goal wasn't the easiest thing, especially when she didn't know how the school system worked. She had tried to find what kinds of option she had, but it wash nearly impossible to get anything out of the french website. And asking Brittany for help probably wouldn't be the best idea. She had made it clear that it wasn't even a possibility to consider. _

_While she understood where her favorite blonde was coming from, it also drove her crazy that she refused to even talk about it. She did her best to not start thinking crazy things, but it was sometimes stronger than her. Her head would find reasons for why Brittany had been so firm, and they weren't reasons Santana ever wanted to have to face. _

_When it became to much to handle, she decided to address the problem to the blonde. She wasn't exactly used to doing that, more inclined to avoid her insecurities by acting like she didn't care, but with her girlfriend, she wasn't willing to take any chances. Besides, She was really trying to let go of her old habits. Brittany deserved at least that. _

_"Eh Britt…?" She finally tried after minutes of internal struggle._

_"What's wrong San ?" the blonde answered, facing her with soft eyes._

_"What makes you think that something is wrong ?" Santana answered curiously. Could her girlfriend really read her that easily ?_

_"You've been acting very silent for that last few minutes, and your eyebrows were scrunched. And whatever you are about to say or ask has had you worrying for the past few days because that's not the first time you act like this. So please tell me ok ? I'd like to reassure you so that you can forget whatever has you anxious, because I can assure you, there's no reason for you to be scared."_

_Santana wondered if anyone on earth could ever be more perfect than the girl she called hers. She hadn't even told her what she was scared about and yet Brittany managed to appease her already. _

_"How do you even do that ?" She asked more to herself._

_"Do what ?" It was the blonde's turn to scrunch her eyebrow._

_"Nothing nothing. Hum, well, remember what I suggested last week ?" Santana tried, knowing it was a touchy subject._

_Brittany seemed to remember pretty clearly because she faced away abruptly and only said : "We already talked about this Santana. I don't see what good it would do to do it again." It wasn't really a question because the blonde showed that she was done talking about it. _

_"Well that's exactly why I want to talk about it more!" Santana grew frustrated at her girlfriend's reluctance to discuss this. She continued, not even trying to hide her annoyance and irritation : "You won't even talk about this! WHY ? Would it be so bad for me to be with you in France ? Do you not want me there so badly ?"_

_She was mostly scared, but as always, she chose to hide it with her bad tempter. _

_"What are you talking about ?" Brittany shot back, taken aback both by the latina's outburst, and by what she was implying. _

_"I'm just saying, you have never even been willing to seriously consider this. Right away you turned this idea down and never gave it a shot. And I can't help but wonder why ? Maybe you don't really want us to be together after the year ends !?"_

_The latina didn't mean what she was saying, but her tempter got the best of her, as often. However, when she saw the hurt in Brittany's eyes, she didn't feel so angry anymore, but it was too late to take it back. _

_"Whatever Santana." Brittany got up and started walking away, taking the latina totally by surprise. It didn't calm her down though, but only made her even more scared. _

_She thought about going after her, but decided against it. She had been right to bring the subject up after all. Ok so maybe getting angry hadn't been the best move but still, something was up with Brittany and Santana knew it. _

_The latina went home, and laid on her bed. She didn't know what to do anymore. Call her ? Be mad at her ? She knew that wasn't really a possibility, because she could never stay mad at the blonde very long. Not that she ever had a reason to. But n this situation, she felt powerless, helpless, like if only Brittany could get them out of this mess. _

_A phone ringtone brought her out of her thoughts. It was the blond calling her, which was a huge relief. It hadn't been long since she left her alone, angry at her obviously, but it was the first time that happened and Santana didn't like it one bit, even though she was responsible for it. _

_"Hallo" she answered as firmly as she could. She couldn't help but want to act mad, just to try to make her point._

_"Santana, where are you ? You're not where I left you anymore" Brittany said with an even voice. _

_"Well obviously, I wasn't going to hang out there alone since you left me with no warning" Her voice echoed her annoyance at the thought._

_"Where are you Santana ?" Brittany asked again, getting impatient._

_"Why do you care ?" This game was taking a turn that the latina didn't like, but she kept it going anyway. It was a result of her stupid stubbornness. _

_"Santana! Stop playing games with me right now and tell me where you are! Now Santana, I mean it!"_

_'Woooo, she is pissed!'_

_"I'm home" The latina gave up her act and answered shortly._

_"Don't move" Was all she heard after that, and Brittany hung up on her. _

_Santana knew that she was coming, but it didn't appease her. Not at all. Maybe the blonde was finally tired of her bad attitude and her impossible tempter. Maybe this was the last drop for her, and she was just coming to break up with her ? Naaaah, she loved her, didn't she ? It wasn't possible to switch from telling someone you love them to breaking up with them in a day, was it ?_

_Santana cursed at herself for reacting this way, she couldn't believe how insane and foolish and crazy she had acted. _

_Before she could get any more crazy ideas, someone knocked on her front door, and no need to be Einstein to know who it was. The latina took a deep breath, and did her best to hide her insecurities when she opened the door to a furious looking Brittany. _

_The blonde just walked past her and into the living room, before turning back to face her, still clearly angry. _

_"Here, take this" she finally said, her voice surprisingly down. _

_Santana took the piece of paper that was handed to her and tried to understand what was written in it. It was an email sent by her girlfriend to her parents, but that's as far as she got. It pissed her off a title bit, because it only underlined her incapacity to read french._

_"Is this a joke Brittany ? I can't read french, and this is not amusing me at all" The latina said, doing her best to keep her voice down as well. She was sure that her girlfriend could her irritation though._

_"This is the first email I sent my parents last week when I got home after our talk. After you told that you were planning on maybe coming to France with me." The blonde spoke, ignoring Santana's last words. Her voice was small suddenly, but not shy. _

_The latina hold her breath, guessing that she was about to hear something big and feel pretty ridiculous for her behavior. _

_"I know that you can't read french, but in there I tell them that I am going to find a way to continue the course of my study here, because I can't leave you. I also tell them that you are willing to follow me back home but that I can't let you do that, because there is no way I could let you sacrifice your dreams. I haven't found how I'm going to do it yet, that's I haven't told you anything. I mean I knew you would tell me 'no' like I did to you if I didn't come up with a good plan first. But you are so… I mean, what the actual fuck Santana ?"_

_It was probably the first time the latina heard her girlfriend swearing. She didn't answer, just looked down. She couldn't explain her behavior clearly._

_"How could you assume that my reaction to your idea meant that I didn't want to be with you ?"_

_Brittany was still pissed at her and Santana was ready for this to be over._

_"I don't know Britt, I just freaked out. I was scared, and I'm sorry. Please let's just forget about it, I feel silly and stupid enough" The latina whined, trying to hug her girlfriend, who didn't push her away, to her surprise. She was so relieved that she just wanted to forget all of this. Besides, Brittany wanted to stay here, with her. Nothing could make her happier. Although the blonde was right to think that without a reliable plan, she wouldn't let her do that either. Her getting a good education was still the priority. _

_"You need to stop getting so defensive whenever we have an argument and whenever you get scared Santana. You need to learn how to trust me, how to trust what we have, because this…" She motioned between them, "… us fighting and arguing, I don't like it" She finished before hugging back her lover. _

_Santana nodded. She knew she still had a long way to go, but promised that she would do her best._

_After a while, she spoke again shyly : "You really sent that email ?"_

_"Yes of course silly. You have no idea how pissed my parents were! I mean, they want me back and this was not good news. We skyped afterwards and talked for hours about it… I think that they understand now. They said that we would have to make the most on my summer back in France, and that they would visit me, us, here or in New York or wherever we will be. I asked them to not say anything to Emilie until I'm sure this is going to work though, it's going to break her heart"_

_The first part of Brittany's monologue was full of joy and glee, whereas the end was incredibly sad. _

_Before Santana could say anything back, the blonde spoke again in a whisper, burying her head in her girlfriend's neck : "Please, don't ever doubt me again San, I love you, and nothing will change that ok ?"_

_Those words, as simple as they were, carried so much emotion and feelings that the Latina could only nod and hold the blonde between her arms, as tightly as she could. _


	10. Chapter 10

**Update! Sorry it took me so long, I've been very busy… Let me know what you think and as always, thank you for your reviews and everything =)**

**If you have any ideas, I'm just one PM away! **

**Enjoy!**

**Ps: sorry for any mistakes, I didn't go over this chapter yet, and I really wanted to update as soon as possible.**

_**I do not own any of the characters.**_

Friends. That's what they were now. That's how they were acting with each other anyway. Although it was each time more heartbreaking for Brittany, she was willing to do anything to gain Santana's trust again. And she was determined to be anything to her ex-girlfriend, anything she needed or wanted her to be. And if this was what the latina asked her to be, then that was exactly what she was going to do. There was nothing she would not do for her, nothing. She knew she had absolutely no right to demand for anything. And to see that Santana was decided on having her back in her life somehow was enough to keep the blonde sort of happy. Sort of. She just hoped it was only the beginning, the first tiny baby step, and that many more were to come.

Still, acting like just her friend was an adjustment. They had never been just friends. They had jumped right into being girlfriends, and being the most important person for each other, before completely disappearing from the other person's life. That had been awful, but at least, Brittany didn't have to see the woman she loved everyday and pretend as if it didn't break her to not act on her feelings. Sometimes, she caught Santana looking at her differently, as if she was letting her guards down for only a few seconds, but that never lasted longer than that. As soon as their eyes met, the latina's face would switch from amorous and loving to… It was hard to say. Her eyes didn't appear distant or cold anymore, just… Cautious maybe ? She seemed so gingerly and careful all the time, like if she was constantly holding herself back from acting as she really wanted. It was incredibly frustrating for the blonde, but she went along with it patiently, never wanting to brusk Santana.

They spent more time together now that they were '_friends'_, which was a great thing. Brittany still called her every night, and texted her in the morning, but she would also send her a few texts along the day. It was usually little texts that didn't carry any important meaning, just funny things the blonde would think about or come across, exactly like she used to do when they dated. And the latina usually responded to each one of them, to Brittany's surprise at first, and to her great pleasure.

They also hanged out every few days, either to go shopping, go to the movies, and just spend time outside in the park or wherever. It was weird and heartwarming how easily they fell back into all of their old routines, as if nothing changed and time didn't pass. Brittany was so relieved to see that they still clearly fit together, like they always did. You would either have to be blind or in serious denial to not see it. The blonde didn't say anything about it though, because she knew mentioning it would only cause Santana to run away or at least put her guards up again. And that was not something Brittany was willing to let happen. So she just settled on being her friend. For now. She also decided to not make any other love declaration to the latina, to give her some space and not make her feel uncomfortable.

Besides, a good friend would not go and tell her all the time how in love with her she really is, would she ?

Her phone vibrating brought her out of her thoughts. It was saturday morning and she was happy to jus lay in bed lazily, wishing she wasn't alone. As soon as she had woken up though, she had texted her beautiful _friend _('_Ugh, je déteste l'appeler comme ça' I hate calling her that) _to wish her a great day. She hoped to see her but decided to wait a little bit longer before asking her what she was up to on this fine day.

She grabbed her phone on the night table and immediately smiled widely when she saw who the text was from.

**From Santana : **

**A great day to you too! Maybe I can help with that by the way… The park, ice creams, this afternoon. What do you say ?**

Wooooo, this was the first time the latina initiated a friend date like that! Brittany was over the moon to say the least. It wasn't much, she had to remind herself, but it was still more than anything that happened in the past weeks. Maybe Santana was starting to let loose…?

**From Brittany : **

**You had me at "ice creams"! Miam miam, you know I can't resist them :) Can't wait to see you, bisous bisous!**

Brittany felt bold enough to tell her that she couldn't wait to see her. She had no doubt that Santana knew exactly how she felt towards her, so she decides that it wasn't such a big deal. She imagined the latina reading her text and smiling. Santana used to love it when she mixed french and english words like that. Well, at first she was frustrated to not understand everything, but soon she got pretty good at it, especially because Brittany was careful to always use the same words. It had become a game between them. Santana had even at some point started to used those words, which melted Brittany's heart.

**From Santana : **

**Alright, great then! I'll call you later for details, and… Bisous bisous too :D**

That was enough to make the blonde scream in excitement. How could she keep calm about all of this ? She got up and decided to go make breakfast for her and her sister, who was probably still asleep.

After a while, Emilie came out of her room and joined her in the kitchen. She looked so cute with her messy hair and sleepy face. Brittany went across the room towards her sister, who was now sitting at the table, and hugged her from behind, before kissing her on the cheek. It was endearing to see those two around each other. They cared so much about one another and Brittany tried to make the most of their time together. Since the night at the bar, Emiie and Santana hadn't spend anytime together, which was for the best for now, the blonde thought. But it kind of worried her because they were the two most important persons in her life, and she didn't want them to no get along. She figured that as her relationship with Santana improved, theirs would follow the lead though. She pushed her thought aside and asked her sister what she wanted for breakfast.

"Hm, un chocolate chaud ? Et des tar tines au nutella s'il-te-plaît!" (A hot chocolate ? And slices of bread with nutella please!) Emilie responded, suddenly looking joyful. She loved it when Brittany took care of her like that. She had missed if so much back when she first went to Lima, and enjoyed every chance she got to see it happen again.

They ate slowly, taking their time, happily chatting about everything. They decided to Skype their parents later that day, to let them know how everything was going for them in New York.

"Mais pas trop tard parce que je passe l'après-midi avec Santana" Brittany said a moment later, absent-mindedly. (Not to late though, because I'm spending the afternoon with Santana)

"De quoi ?! Tu passes l'aprem avec elle ?" (What ? You're spending the afternoon with her ?) Emilie choked out and asked in disbelief, scrunching her eyebrows in disapproval. She eyes her sister critically as she kept drinking her tea.

"Euuh, oui Emilie, oui..." Brittany looked surprised at her sister's reaction. Of course she knew that things were tense between those two, but she didn't expect Emilie to look so mad. Besides, it was no secret that Santana and her had started hanging out again, more and more often actually.

"Mais pourquoi tu fais ça Brittany, hein ? Tu vois pas ce qu'il se passe ? Tu te rends malheureuse, ELLE te rend malheureuse, et tu te laisses faire. Tu te fais balader!" (But why are you doing this Brittany, huh ? Don't you see what's going on here ? You are making yourself miserable, SHE is making you miserable, and you are just letting this happen. She is playing you!)

Emilie stood up from her chair as she yelled this, throwing her arms up in anger. Brittany rarely saw her fly off the handle, and she didn't like it one bit. She did her best to keep calm, not wanted to get into an argument with her sister.

"Tu te trompes Emilie! Tu ne sais rien de ce qu'il se passe entre Santana et moi. Et je n'ai pas de comptes à te rendre!" (You're wrong Emilie! You don't have a clue of what is going on between Santana and I. And I don't owe you any explanations about this!)

Brittany did her best not keep steady and calm while still being firm. She didn't want to have this conversation with her sister. She didn't want to have to tell her how she would do anything for Santana, even if it meant breaking her own heart in the process of doing exactly that. She still had hope for them, she still believed that they would or could get back together and live happily ever after. But even if that didn't happen, she would never leave the latina again. She would never go through life without her again. And if being her friend and just her friend was all that it was ever going to be, then be it, she would settle for that.

But telling Emilie all of this wasn't an option. First it would only make the younger blonde more angry at Santana, and second she would do her very best at trying to change Brittany's mind, which would be both a waste of her time and incredibly tiring.

How do you explain to someone that you did some much damage in a person's heart that you are willing to spend the rest of your life doing your best at mending it ?

Emilie send looked at her, surprisingly appearing more concerned than upset, and returned to eating her breakfast in silence. The conversation was obviously over for the time being, and that was fine for Brittany.

In the early afternoon, she was ready to go meet Santana. Emilie was sitting in the living room couch watching TV, although she was obviously not paying any attention to it. Before going out, Brittany walked to her slowly. Leaving things like this wasn't an option for her. She took a sit next to her sister, grabbing one of her hand and pulling it on her laps. Their eyes were all still on the TV when the older sister started to talk :

"Emilie, je sais que tu t'inquiètes pour moi, et je t'aime pour ça, mais tu dois comprendre que… Il n'y a rien que je ne ferais pas pour me rattraper auprès de Santana. Rien. Et si elle a besoin de moi en tant qu'amie, temporairement ou non, alors c'est ce que je serai. Tu dois juste me faire confiance maintenant. D'accord ? S'il-te-plaît, pour moi ? Et tu sais que Santana ne se fout pas de moi au fond. Jamais elle ne ferait ça avec moi, jamais."

(Emilie, I know that you are worried about me, and I love you for it, but you have to understand that… There's nothing I wouldn't do to make things better with Santana. Nothing. And if she needs me to be her friend for now or for good, then that's what I'll be. You just have to trust me ok ? Please, do this for me ? Besides you know that Santana doesn't play me. We both know she would never ever play me."

Emilie turned her eyes to Brittany's, which were still focused on the television. She whispered with a barely audible voice : "Ok…" and went back to looking at the screen.

The older sister smiled a little in relief, and tightened her grab on Emilie's hand for a brief moment, before getting up and slowly exiting the room. As she did so, she paused for a moment, and looked back at her sister, who was watching her leave with anxious eyes.

"Ca va aller Emilie, tu verras… D'une façon ou d'une autre, ça va aller" Brittany finished, trying to appease the girl looking at her, right before leaving the apartment. (It's going to be ok Emilie, you will see… One way or another, it will be ok)

Brittany met Santana by her place, because it was on her way to the park. They happily greeted each other with a warm but friendly hug, and decided to walk to their destination. The weather was very nice and they wanted to enjoy it while it lasted. Once they arrived in the park, Brittany got overly excited and jumped in joy when she spotted ducks in the pond. She herself couldn't really explain why she loved them so much, but she did, and Santana smiled at her knowingly.

After a while of walking around and talking about everything, from the new movie they wanted to go see to the dress Santana spotted and wanted to go buy, they decided to go get ice creams. After all, it was the main reason why they went out.

Brittany got a vanilla and chocolate one, while Santana took only chocolate, surprising none of them. They sat by the fountain and started enjoying the ice creams quietly, laughing at each other when it melted on their fingers.

"Let's go dancing tonight! Please please please, we have to go, it would be so much fun! Beside I really miss dancing! Come one!" Brittany suddenly exclaimed. She had been stating facts rather than really asking for Santana's approval.

The latina smiled at her friend's excitement, and shrugged her shoulders lightly, pretending to only do her a favor.

"Well if you really want to go dancing, I guess we can go, whatever…" She answered, trying not to look happy at the idea.

"YAAAY! You're awesome!" The blonde startled Santana when she stoop up to hug her tightly taking her by surprise. She hadn't thought this through, but it didn't matter anyway. That's how she was all the time, and she wasn't going to restrain herself from being natural. Besides, when she regained composure, Santana smirked and said casually : "You know it!"

Brittany roles her eyes in amusement and settled back down to finish her ice cream. Miraculously enough, it didn't get on Santana's clothes at all, much to her relief.

A few moments later, a voice took them both by surprise. It came from behind Brittany, so she only knew it was a man speaking. Santana looked confused as they both heard : "I knew we would meet again!"

The voice was cheery and almost flirtatious, which surprised Brittany. She turned around to see who was talking to them, wandering it the voice was addressed to Santana or to her. As soon as her eyes landed on the tall and, she had to admit, very good-looking man standing behind her, she knew he had been talking to her.

Before she could react, he spoke again : "I was hoping I would run into you, and there you are, that must be fate in this huge city, right ?" He threw her the most seductive smile she had ever seen, probably knowing what effect he usually had on women.

'_Sauf les femmes qui sont déjà follement amoureuses de quelqu'un d'autre' (_Except the ones that were already madly in love with someone else), Brittany thought.

Brittany looked at Santana who was glaring at him, not even trying to hide it. He seemed totally oblivious to her though. The sight warmed Brittany's heart a little bit, because Santana seemed more than pissed at a man who was doing his best to hit on her. The thought alone made her day. She had however absolutely no intention of leading him on. First she never did that, and second, it wasn't exactly the best way to gain the latina's trust again.

But before she could say anything to gently let him down, he spoke again, not letting her speak one word : "Come out with me tonight ? I'll buy you dinner and you can tell me everything about you new job here in New York! Last time I didn't get a chance to ask you anything…" And there he went with that smile again. He was admittedly charming, but the blonde didn't see any interest in him. All she could really notice was how his brown eyes were less sparkling and deep than Santana's, how his smile never made her feel lighter, how his voice wasn't even remotely close to bring butterflies in her stomach like Santana's did.

Brittany smiled shaking her head slightly closing her eyes for a brief moment while. Then she sighed thinking about how the guy was so oblivious to the fact that he didn't stand a chance. Nobody did actually.

When she looked back, she realized that both Santana and the man were staring at her. They didn't look the same though.

The man was still smiling, apparently sure of himself, and probably took her silence as shyness, while the latina seemed… Pissed obviously. But there was more than that. She appeared anxious, like she was doing her best to not freak out. Brittany knew her so well that she could read her. In addition, she looked helpless and confused. The blonde decided to put an end to this situation as soon as she could.

"I'm sorry but I can't go out with you tonight, or any night for that matter. Thank you for asking though…" Before she could finish, he interrupted her.

"Why not ?" He seemed genuinely curious. Brittany didn't expect this question, but it didn't take her long to answer anyway.

"I am just not interested. And I am involved already." It was a simple answer, which didn't call for any kind of counterarguments.

The blonde kept her eyes on him while he mumbled an answer and turned around to walk away, head down. She hoped that Santana wasn't mad about what she said.

When their eyes met, Brittany could decipher the latina's face. They stayed silent for a few minutes, before Santana spoke : "Who was that ?"

Her voice was steady and emotionless.

"Just the guy I was sitting next on the plane when I came here" Brittany answered with hesitation. She wondered where this conversation would go.

"Do you like him ?" Brittany was getting frustrating at the unreadable expression on Santana's face but sharp voice, but remained calm.

"No, of course not, I don't!" She said quietly, before pausing, collecting her thoughts. "San I know that you want us to be friends, and that's ok, but it doesn't mean that I don't… I mean, you know…?" She wasn't sure if she was allowed to finish her sentence.

Brittany was sure that Santana knew what she was trying to tell her, but the latina asked her anyway : "That you don't what Britt ?"

He voice was now much less emotionless. As a matter of fact, it was hopeful and shaky.

"It doesn't mean that I don't love you anymore. Because I do, I love you, I've always loved you. I love you everyday and I just…" Brittany looked down to her hands in her laps, closing her eyes. This wasn't exactly what a friend would say, but when she started talking about her feelings, she just couldn't hold much in.

"Sorry, I said too much" She added looking back up. But Santana didn't look upset or anything. She didn't look like someone who heard too much.

"It's ok. Thank you." The latina only said, looked straight into the blonde's eyes.

"For what ?" Brittany wondered. She felt so small and vulnerable all of a sudden.

"For always reminding me that I won't lose you again. I need it, I real need it all the time, and if feels good to hear you say this. I know I don't… I mean, I know I said that I wanted us to be friends and start fresh, but still, it's nice to know that under all of this you still… But I also feel bad for asking you for explanations when I knew what you meant. It's like I want everything, you know ? Like while I tell you I only want your friendship for now, I still don't want you to stop…You know, stop…"

"…Loving you." Brittany finished Santana's sentence with ease, because she was obviously struggling with it. The latina kept quiet for a moment, and both woman stared at each other.

"It's ok San, really. Besides it's not I could stop even if you asked!" The blonde trued to joke, earning one tiny smile from Santana.

She turned serious again : "You have nothing to be sorry for San, I'm fine. It's all good, ok ?"

Santana nodded and things got nicely quiet again, as they watch people around them.

"You said that you were involved already though… Are you ?" The latina broke the silence with a tiny voice.

"Well yeah I guess you could say that." Brittany seemed deep in thought, but noticed Santana's face fall.

"Do you not want me to say that ?" Brittany seemed confused about the latina's reaction.

"It's got nothing to do with me." The answer came, short and cold, which took the blonde by surprise.

"It's got everything to do with you San" she replied shyly, looking straight into Santana's eyes.

"What do you mean ?" The latina seemed genuinely confused about this conversation.

"Well, I mean when I say that I'm involved already, I mean you of course, and I know that we are not really… You know… But I don't want people getting any ideas if I tell them that I'm single. It's just simpler that way, if they think that…" Brittany stopped her rambling when she saw Santana's eyes widened in sudden understanding, as her mouth opened in surprise.

"What ? Did you think…? Oh, San, NO, of course I'm not involved with anyone else!" Brittany grabbed her hands and tried to catch her eyes, but the latina seemed embarrassed and looked away, shaking her head. She didn't pull her hands away though.

"You are so quick to assume this kind of things when it comes to me San, when you have trouble believing that I'll never… That I love you too much to ever let you go again. Why, why San ? I know that I broke your heart, and I know that… But I mean, I never deceived you, I never…" Tears were coming down her cheeks as she struggled to gather her thoughts in order to finish her sentence, but the words were stuck in her mouth.

"No, I'm sorry Britt, it's just… It seems just to good to be true, and I have a hard time believing that it's real, that's it. I need to get used to the idea that you are not going anywhere. But I mean, you did break my trust when you broke my heart, so you know… I just need time ok ? Please…"

Brittany probably felt even worse after that, but said nothing. She knew that Santana didn't mean to make her feel bad, and that she was only trying to be honest and explain herself. But the blonde couldn't help but wonder if her ex-girlfriend would ever be able to get over all of their crappy history and move on to a brighter future.

A few hours later, Brittany and Santana were in a bar drinking cocktails. After their conversation in the park, they both went home and decided to follow their plan to go dancing, even if the atmosphere hadn't exactly been light. Santana thought that a nice night out would appease the tension between them, and so she kept her word and met the blonde in front of her favorite bar. The music and drinks were awesome and they could dance, so it was a win-win.

Santana was more conflicted than ever. The day had been going great until the guy showed up and tried to woo Brittany. The latina tried her best to not act jealous, and she thought that she did a pretty good job at it, but when the man left, she couldn't hide her annoyance when she asked the blonde who he was. She had acted on impulse and regretted it now.

After all, she had no right to act like a jealous girlfriend when they were not even together. It was so selfish of her. She has asked Brittany to be her friend and just her friend, for now anyway, and when someone showed interest in the blonde, she got mad at her for it. It didn't make any sense. She had never really been jealous when they were dating, because she knew that Brittany would never cheat on her or anything. But right now, things were different.

It hit Santana with violence that there would always be so many people trying to get with Brittany, and while the blonde kept repeating that she wasn't going anywhere, Santana couldn't help but feel like she was wasting her chance. Her ex-lover was so beautiful and smart and funny and perfect, and french for God's sake, that anyone in their right mind would want her. Santana didn't want to think about this, because it only upset her more and made her angry, at herself mainly.

This all thing also brought back some old worries and questions that she had before Brittany came back. She knew she had to talk to her about it, or it would eat her alive. So she took one more sip of her delicious and strong cocktail for courage, and went for it.

"Britt, can I ask you something ?" She shot in the blonde's ear, trying to make herself audible with the loud music.

Brittany nodded smiling, before saying : "Anything"

"Did something help you decide to break up with me ?" Santana tried, knowing that she most likely didn't make any sense.

Brittany frowned at the question, probably not wanting to talk about that while they were trying to have fun and enjoy each other. She answered anyway : "What do you mean ?"

Sanata tried to think of a better way to formulate her question, but she was struggling.

"Come on San, you know you can ask me anything…" Brittany encouraged her, robbing her arm softly. Santana got lost in her beautiful blue eyes for a few seconds, before she spoke again.

"Did you meet someone else back in France ? Someone that were there for you like I couldn't be and…" Her voice was so small and she felt so fragile in that moment that it was incredibly difficult for the latina to keep her eyes on the blonde's.

"Whaaat ?! NO! San why would you think that ? Of course not! No-one could ever compare to you! There was NEVER anyone else, you hear me ?"

Brittant had grabbed both of the latina's arms and hold her firmly, while she kept her eyes on her. They stared at each other before Santana nodded and the blonde let go of her.

"Thank you, I just needed to be sure."

Brittany seemed deep in thoughts for a while, and when she finally spoke, she took Santana by surprise : "Tu me manques dès que tu n'es pas là, you know ? And i've missed you so much along the years. Nobody could ever fill your place. Ever." (I miss you whenever you're gone)

The latina smiled widely at that, remembering what it meant because a younger Brittany had taught her that sentence when she was trying to learn french.

Suddenly, the blonde got up and dragged her on the dance floor. The moved their body along the beats of the music, and Santana was mesmerized but Brittany skills. She had always been an amazing dancer, and well, something never change. She did her best to keep her hands to herself, but it felt incredibly good to let go of her worries and just… just enjoy being with the blonde and have a good time, not caring about anything else.

Sometimes, they would both laugh hysterically at each other when they were goofing around with silly dance moves, and some other times, they turned serious and grinned lightly against each other, not so friendly.

But things went to hell when a red-head woman decided to shake her ass to Brittany's, who did her best to ignore her and gently push her away. She didn't seem to be enjoying this at all, but it still pissed off Santana, who went back to their table suddenly. The blonde followed her immediately and seemed confused when the latina didn't even acknowledge her sitting next to her.

"Santana, what's wrong ? We were having fun weren't we ?"

"You seemed to be having a lot of fun yeah" The latina snapped. She knew she was being very unfair to her ex-girlfriend, but she couldn't help it.

Before Brittany could even answer, the red-head showed up again, and grand the blonde's hand in attempt to get her to dance with her. Brittany was taken by surprise but rapidly pulled away.

"What do you think you're doing ? Don't you see that she isn't alone you bitch ?" Santana pushed the other woman even farther away from Brittany and yelled at her, venom in her voice. She was beyond pissed off by now, and nothing apart from the blonde's arms around her could have kept her from kicking some ass.

The woman was obviously drunk and mumbled something before turning her back to them and walked away. Santana felt very self-conscious all of a sudden. Brittany was trying to get her to sit back at their table, and calm her with the most gentle and soothing voice you could ever hear.

The latina was so mad at everything, at the red-head, at herself for letting her tempter get over her, at Brittany for making her go crazy, for being so fucking perfect all the time… She did no stand a chance, and it pissed her off more than anything. She was so in love with her even after everything that she had put her through, and it mad her so angry at the moment. Like she couldn't even control herself. That's why she pushed her away strongly and left the bar rapidly.

Of course, the blonde went after her and hold her back, forcing her to turn around outside of the bar.

"Santana, where are you going ?" She seemed so confused and lost that the latina had to look away from her.

"I'm leaving, this was a mistake" She snapped, turning around again. But Brittany didn't let her and asked her, tears slowly gathering in her eyes : "What was ? Santana I'm sorry about this girl, but I didn't do anything, why are you mad at me ?"

"I'm mad at you because you're always there! You don't ever leave alone, you're always calling me and texting me and you are always so fucking perfect! Always the right answers, always the right reactions!"

Brittany was fully crying now, and said in a shaky and small voice : "I don't understand, what are you saying…?"

"Leave me alone Brittany, just leave me the fuck alone!" Santana screamed and walked away. This time, the blonde didn't hold her back. The latina could only hear her sobs as she walked into the darkness.


	11. Chapter 11

**Here's your update dear Readers ;)**

**I want to thank you for your reviews and everything, especially after last chapter, I was overwhelmed! (Val : "très bien" is indeed correct :D)**

**Grand merci (hug thanks) to Sadako Mcfly for your support, and a specific 'thank you' for Snixxwanky for all of your reviews ;)**

**Also, I'm trying to find a Beta, and I hope it won't take too long. If anyone is interested, let me know! (Sorry for the typos and mistakes, there all mine)**

**P.s : How cute was Brittany saying '**_**I miss you**_**' to Santana in Glease ?**

_**I don't own any of the Glee characters.**_

Santana found herself back at home, sitting on the couch, dry tears on her cheeks. Everything was a blur, she couldn't remember walking to her place, or anything else for that matter. The television was on but she wasn't paying any attention to it. She had jumped into the shower and then changed into more comfy clothes as soon as she set foot in her apartment, trying not to think of the recent events. She couldn't believe herself when it all happened.

The tension had been slowly building up for days now, and she found herself so incredibly furious and angry at the world that it became too much to keep it in. Obviously, she had tried her best to ignore her growing irritation, but in the bar, everything came rushing back and she just lost it.

Seeing Brittany being always so… Well, so Brittany, was excruciating. She tried and tried everyday to stay away from her and keep her guards up, but it was pointless. The blonde was probably the only person on this planet to know her way to Santana's heart. Santana was tired of fighting this, of fighting against what every cell in her being was telling her, screaming at her.

It was useless to be stubborn and refuse to accept the reality of it all at this point. Realization hit her with an incredible force back in the bar, and that's exactly what set her off.

No matter what she did, no matter what she kept telling herself, there was no way she could deny that she wanted to get back with Brittany, to touch her skin, to kiss her soft lips, to hold her firmly between her arms, to whisper in her ears how much she missed and loved her and how sorry she was that it took her so long to stop fighting their love.

_Love. _There was no other way to put it, and anyone could say so. The love they had for one another was so evident.

But at the same time, it drove Santana crazy to think that she had absolutely no control over her own emotions. Just like back in high school, there was nothing she could do to push away or dismiss how Brittany made her feel. And now was no different, even after all that she had gone through because of the blonde. Of course, their time together had been the best of her life, but it also drove her to the darkest period she had ever been through.

She was angry at herself for being so obvious with her feelings, and for the fact that she could not help but want her ex-lover back. She knew it would be incredible to date her again, but what if everything turned to hell again ? Could she survive that another time ? Did she really want to subject herself to this kind of heartache ? Did she really have a choice anyway ?

Maybe all she needed was to grow a pair and go for it ? She knew she would never be happier than with Brittany. Never in her life did she feel more alive than during the months they had shared.

Santana suddenly realized that maybe it was time. Her time to grow up. Their time to find each other again. Brittany had been nothing but more perfect everyday since she was back, and incredibly patient with her. Never did she show any kind of impatience or irritation. Never did she let her drive and passion waver. The blonde had shown her in every possible way that she had an iron will and was here only for her.

Santana wondered why it took her so long to realize that. Ok, Brittany broke her heart for years ago. Ok, so what ? She never cheated on her, she never lied to her, she never deceived her. She only did what she thought was best at the time, and could the latina really blame her ? The situation back then was so complicated, and Santana had to admit that she herself had been wondering where they were going and if this was the best way for them. Besides, wasn't she the one who pushed her to go back to France and not stay with her to begin with ? Wasn't she to blame as well for how things turned out ? She could only be sure of one thing : if she had let Brittany stay with her in the US, things would be different. They would very likely still be together and happy as ever.

Santana's head was spinning in thoughts, as she stared at her cellphone. She had turned it off during her walk home. She had tried to convince herself that she did so just because she didn't want to have anyone calling her. Anyone being Brittany, of course. But in reality, it was the opposite. She was terrified that the blonde _wouldn't_ call her that night. It would be the first time in weeks, and it would be her fault and her fault only. It was very late now, and she wondered if the blonde had made it home ok, if she was sleeping or if she was lost in thoughts like her.

Maybe she was thinking that she could finally try to move on, away from Santana ? The thought turned the latina's blood to ice, chilling her entire body.

She felt so guilty for yelling at Brittany, and even more for the words that came out of her mouth. She couldn't remember another time when she had screamed at her, or any another time when she had seen those beautiful blue eyes so devastated. And she was the one responsible for it all.

_'Fuck! I screamed at her to leave me alone! So stupid!' _

She hoped to everything powerful that Brittany could forgive her for getting crazily defensive again, like she used to be in high school.

Not getting anywhere with her thoughts, Santana decided to sleep it off. '_Tomorrow', _she decided, '_tomorrow, I'll tell her. I'll tell her that her leaving me alone is the last thing I want'. _

_*Flashback*_

_Santana arrived at the Berry's house a little earlier than planned that Saturday, but figured that it was ok. She was always very eager to see her girlfriend, especially since she knew their time together was possibly running out. But things were better in that department lately, because Brittany had recently gotten her acceptance letter to the same college than herself. _

_When the blonde had mysteriously left her a note in her locker telling her to meet her in their favorite spot, Santana immediately knew where to go. In the park by the pond, where they had most of their picnics or ice creams. _

_However, she had no idea what was all of this security hiding. When she arrived there, Brittany was sitting on a blanket, facing the water, with nothing around her. It was weird. Santana instantly felt it in her that something was coming, something big. She silently sat next to her girlfriend, took one of her hands in her laps, and watch the pond too. they remained silent for a good 5 minutes, content in each other's company._

_"I love you" Santana said after a while, finally looking at the blonde. She wasn't particularly anxious, because nothing in Brittany's attitude gave her any reason to be. But still, something was up. She was patient enough to wait for the blonde to be ready to reveal the reason behind the surprise meeting though. _

_Brittany looked back at her, smiling. In that moment, her smile held so much meaning. It was like the blonde had heard the exact words that she needed right then, to feel reassured that she was doing the right thing or something. _

_The blonde handed Santana a piece of paper, never moving her eyes from brown ones. The latina took it and red it quickly, eyebrows scrunched. Suddenly she looked back up in surprise and hugged forcefully her girlfriend, who fell on her back. _

_As she was lying on top of her, Santana still couldn't say anything, but both girls were laughing and giggling. They stayed like for a long time, before the latina got off of her and sat back down next to her. _

_"You know what this means ?! It means that we won't ever be apart! This is REAL!" Santana was ecstatic. She had tried her best to not think about this, because so many things could have gotten in the way of Brittany staying. But right now, she was holding in her fingers the most precious piece of paper she ever held. _

_The blonde kissed her and smiled at her, before turning serious all of a sudden. When she spoke, her voice was quiet and shy : "Santana… Bébé, are you really sure this is what you want ? This is very serious now, and you need to be sure, because in college there's going to be tons and tons of girls everywhere and you could get distracted by any of them and then I'll be alone and …" _

_The latina cut off her rambling with a heavy kiss, before whispering : "I am sure baby, I've never been more sure of anything. This is what I want. YOU are what I want and what I'll always want. Whether you go back to France or stay here with me, it doesn't matter and it won't change how I feel about you, ok ?" _

_Santana was only stating facts, holding Brittany's face with her hands. She added in a smile : "But this" she motioned to the letter, "is wonderful. This is the beginning! I'm so happy, you make me so happy baby…" _

_That had been one of the best days of Santana's life, and that was saying something, because with Brittany, everyday was amazing. _

_Santana let herself in the Berry's house, as she usually did, and climbed the stairs to go meet her perfect girlfriend in her room. She knocked and opened the door immediately, but the sight she was met with wasn't what she expected. _

_There was Brittany, standing by her desk, trying to stop herself from sobbing and to hide the tears that were slowly coming down her face. The blonde turned her back to Santana as soon as she spotted her, but the latina had seen enough to know exactly what was going on. Her girlfriend wasn't crying per se, but she sure was sad and there were tears. Rapidly, Brittany took an envelope and hid it in a drawer. Then she faced her girlfriend who was still standing frozen in the doorway. _

_The blonde smiled at her, but it didn't reach her eyes, and the latina knew her well enough to see that it was fake. _

_"Santana! You're early!"_

_Before Brittany could completely dismiss her state, the latina asked : "What's wrong honey ?" _

_"Nothing, I just… Nothing really! I just talked to my parents and I miss them a little bit, you know how emotional I can get!" She tried to laugh but Santana could tell that there was something off. Brittany never lied to her before, but she was obviously not saying the whole truth here. _

_"Brittany, you can tell me anything you know that right ?" The latina tried._

_"I know, of course" The blonde was trying so hard to act as if things were perfectly normal, but Santana could see right through her. _

_"Well then, why were you really crying ?" Her voice was gentle and soft, but still firm. _

_"I told you, I…"_

_"Brittany, don't lie to me please. And what about the envelope you tried to hide ?"_

_The blonde looked away from her and took a few steps back, crossing her arms on her chest. She seemed to ponder her thoughts._

_After a moment, her arms went down again, and her eyes turned pleading as she spoke : "San, please, just drop it ok ? Please, please. It doesn't matter, I swear. Please." _

_Tears was coming back in her eyes, and Santana could only nod and hold her in a tight embrace, whispering : "Ok honey, ok…"_

_Things had been slightly awkward between them for the first part of the day, but then things went back to normal. Still, Santana kept in mind what had happened earlier. When Brittany left her alone in her room to go take a quick shower, she didn't join her as she usually did. _

_As soon as she was alone, she went back to the drawer and took the envelope out. She couldn't' help herself. Brittany had never acted so strangely and out of character before, and she had to know why. If something was bothering her this much, she had to figure out what it was and fix it, no matter what._

_The envelope was a big one, and it had been sent from France. She took the contents out and starting reading. Unfortunately, it was obviously all in french. But from the looks of it, it came from a university in France. _

_Santana recognized that it was the college that Brittany had told her about when they first got together, and where she was planning on going, before she changed her plans and decided to stay in the US. The blonde had told her how difficult it was to get in, and that she had applied but probably didn't stand a chance, even though it had been her dream to study there for as long as she could remember. She also told her that she was hoping to come back to the US after she was done with this school and hopefully work and live there._

_The letter was a "lettre d'admission", which sounded a hell of a lot like an admission letter. With it was a short handwritten letter, signed by Brittany's mother. Rapidly, Santana typed it on google translator, and as bad this translator was, she got most of the meaning. _

_Her mother was telling her that they received this at home and opened it. They decided to send it to their daughter because she got in. They were telling her that they were supportive of her whatever she decided to do, but that this School had been her dream forever and that she couldn't just let it go without even considering it. _

_Santana felt her world crumbling down for two reasons mainly. First, she realized why Brittany didn't want her to find out about this. She knew that Santana's reaction would be like. And that was exactly the second reason why the latina's word was falling apart : in that very moment, she knew what she had to do. She knew that she had no choice, even if it was going to break her. All that she had been imagining for the next few months and years was now gone in smoke, only leaving an immense void in her chest. _

_When Brittany came back in the room, Santana had put away everything, and she did a pretty good job at acting normal for the rest of the day and night. The next day, she quickly left, pretending she had errands to run. She had to think in reality. The blonde seemed confused, but let her go, seeing as she couldn't held her back, and watch her leave with anxious eyes. _

_Santana hated to make her worry, but she really needed time to figure out how to do what she knew she had to do. She didn't want Brittany to think that she didn't want her to stay with her, and she surely didn't want her to feel rejected. Because never in a million years was that what she was about to do. She just couldn't let the person she loved the most sacrifice what she had been dreaming about for most of her life. She would never let her do that, and the reason was that she loved her way too much. _

_She texted Brittany around 2 in the afternoon that sunday to ask her to meet her by the park, as usual. _

_When the blonde arrived, she walked to her shyly, fidgeting her hands together. It was obvious that she was anxious. _

_"Hi" Brittany said quietly when she stopped her tracks close to her girlfriend. _

_"Hi" Santana breathed, before motioning for them to sit on a bench close by. She continued : "Brittany, I asked you to meet me here because we need to talk. I need to talk to you about something."_

_The blonde was definitively freaking out, and Santana couldn't blame her. But she had found no other way to bring the subject up. She tried to hurry in order to reassure her lover. _

_"You can't stay here next year." She did her best to keep her voice steady, but failed miserably. Her heart was beating out of her chest, her hands were sweaty and her eyes were glassy. _

_Brittany looked at her right in the eyes as tears were already coming down her face, and brought shakily one of hand to her face. She looked so devastated and heartbroken, it was almost impossible for Santana to keep her eyes on her. _

_"Oh my God… You've been acting weird yesterday, and left in a hurry this morning… And now this strange meeting… Oh my God, no… Are you… Do you not want to be with me ? Are you breaking up with me ?" The blonde's voice was cracking but she managed to let it all out anyway. _

_Santana's eyebrows went up in surprise. She thought about the exact words she used and realized with horror how her girlfriend had misinterpreted them._

_"NO! Of course not honey! NEVER, do you hear me ?! I'll never break up with you, I love you, I LOVE YOU!" She did her best to calm the blonde who was crying openly now. _

_A moment later, Brittany found her voice again and asked in a still fragile and shy voice : "Then what are you saying Santana ? Why are you saying those things ? I don't understand, I thought that it was what we both wanted, I thought that you wanted me to stay here with you…?" _

_"I do Britt, but I can't let you… I just can't let you." Santana knew she had to explain herself, so she continued : "Yesterday, when you went to take a shower, I… I went looking in your drawer and found the envelope. And I read it. I know I shouldn't have, and I'm sorry for that, but I had to know. You were so upset when I came into your room…"_

_"You went through my stuff ?" Brittany pulled away slightly. Never had she minded about Santana going through her belongings before, so the latina knew that this wasn't the real problem. _

_"Yes, I'm sorry. But that's not the point. I know what it was honey. It was from that school you told me about, and it was…"_

_"…All in french! You can't read french Santana, you probably misunderstood most of it!" Brittany tried in panic, but she wasn't very convincing. _

_"I didn't misunderstand, did I ? You got in, right ?" The latina breathed, looking down for a few seconds, before she moved her eyes to her girlfriend's. The blonde didn't answer, and she just shook her head._

_"Santana, please, don't do that…" She pleaded._

_"I have to baby, I love you too much to let you walk away from this. This is what you have been working for your whole life, and we both know it. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I let you give it up for me ?"_

_"FOR US SAN! For us… I don't want to be without you, please don't ask me this. Please, let me stay, please, don't give up on us…" Brittany was crying harder than Santana had ever seen her, and it broke her heart. But she had to do this, she couldn't back down. She knew it was the right thing to do, for both of them, but mostly for the blonde. _

_"I'm not giving up on us Britt… Don't you see ? I believe in Us so much that I'm willing to let you go home and be away from me for so long and still know that in the end, we will find a way to be together again. There's no doubt in my mind. This decision will not be the end of Us, I swear. Trust me ok ? Please. Letting you stay would be a mistake, for the exact same reasons that you didn't want to let me come with you, and deep down you know it too. Remember how I didn't get it then ? But now I do. Please Brittany, don't fight me on this… I love you so much"_

_Santana could barely finish her sentence before breaking down in tears as well as her lover. She knew she had to make her point better than that, so she spoke again after a while._

_"Honey, when I came in your bedroom yesterday, you were crying, why ?" She tried._

_"I…I was just…" Brittany shook her head in defense._

_"Tell me Britt…"_

_"Because it's hard! It's hard to leave everything behind, my family, my friends, all of the plans I had, Emilie, it's hard OK ?!" The blonde was almost screaming at this point, but her voice turned quiet rapidly when she opened her mouth to speak again, in a pleading tone._

_"But as hard as it is, it's something that I'm willing to do Santana! For you, for us… I don't'… I don't want to take any chances with us, or take a risk and make a mistake, I can't…"_

_"Oh baby… This is not taking a chance. This is living our lives, this is growing up…" _

_"But what if it's too long, what if we don't get through the distance and all of it, what if you get tired of waiting for me…" _

_"Brittany honey, I will never ever get tired of waiting for you! You are everything to me. Look at me please ?"_

_The blonde reluctantly moved her eyes to brown ones, doing her best to keep herself from crying harder. _

_"We will find a way to be together again, no matter what. I swear. Whenever you come back here, I'll be waiting. I'll be waiting for you. You hear me ?"_

_Brittany only nodded and they shared an intense look, with which Santana tried to convey all the love and hope she had in her. The blonde looked so defeated, like if she had lost the most important battle of her life. The latina wanted to make her feel better, to reassure her even more, but she knew it wasn't possible. Nothing could make either one of them feel better about the fact that they were going to be apart for months. _

_The blonde buried her face in her girlfriend's neck and they stayed like that for what seemed like forever. Not that the latina cared. She never felt better than when she was holding Brittany in her arms. _

_But now everything was different. Their time together was short, limited, and running out faster than ever. It was a strange and nerve-racking feeling. Santana knew that they had to make the most of it, but at that moment, she just wanted to stay like that, Brittany close to her. She listened to her frantic breathing and to her heart beat, caressed her cheeks and her hair, smelled her skin… _

_She was trying to memorize every single freckle, the exact color of her eyes, the way her nostrils moved when she sobbed, how she put her hair behind her ear every once in a while, the way he blue eyes stared at her with so much love, the perfect shape of her lips, moving only to whisper "I love you's". It was all pure beauty. Everything Brittany was was unique and amazing, Santana was even more in awe than ever before. _

_She knew that she would soon have to hold on to this memory and to all of the others. That would be the only way she would survive being away from the person she loved the most in this world, the person she loved more than herself. _

The day after, Santana woke up feeling terrible. She had relived one of the hardest things she ever had to do during her sleep, and it wasn't something that she liked to be reminded of. However, it was somehow a kick in the stomach. She needed to remember, really remember, that Brittany wasn't the only one responsible for the way things had turned out. They both were, on different levels, sure, but still.

Of course, Santana didn't break up with her, or anything like that, but she did push her to leave, not even giving her a real choice. She had promised that she would wait for the blonde, and she did keep her promise, until they broke up anyway. After that, she did have a few one night stands, but nothing worth mentioning.

Did the fact that Brittany tore her heart apart mean that she didn't have to keep her word anymore ?

Wasn't she still waiting, deep down ? Still hoping for a happy end ? For Brittany to come back begging for her back ? Of course she was. She had always been waiting.

She had to tell her. She had to tell her that she didn't really want to be left alone, that even though she still needed time and to take things slowly, she was willing to try now. More than willing. She wanted to feel like she once did again. Like everything was possible. And the only way for that to happen was to let Brittany completely in again, to fully show her how she was still unconditionally hers. It wasn't going to be easy to formulate. She wasn't used to speak her feelings anymore, but she knew that with and for the blonde, she could do anything.

She quickly got up, and headed directly towards the bathroom to get ready. After a quick shower and a much needed coffee, she called Rachel, who picked up cheerfully.

"Hello Santana, I never thought I would ever get a call from you this early in the morning!'

"Whatever Berry, I need to talk to you about something."

"Well I'm fine thank you for asking" The brunette said sarcastically, not losing her good mood though. When Santana failed to shoot her one of her usual nasty replies, and only sighed, Rachel felt that it was a serious matter and added : "Alright Santana, what's up ?"

"I…It's…"

The latina stumbled on her words. It wasn't like her so she decided to remain silent, not really knowing how to bring the subject up. Rachel must have sensed it because she spoke again, not oblivious at all : "It's about Brittany isn't it ?"

Her voice was now caring and gentle.

Santana snorted and shook her head, hating herself for being so apparent and obvious.

"How do you know ?" She tried to keep her voice neutral, but knew that Rachel would be able to tell that she was already feeling emotional.

"Well first of all, not many things can make you get out of bed this early on a Sunday. Second of all, even less things can make you call me for help. And last, but not least…" She paused, searching for the right words, not to upset the latina even more, "I think that only one thing can turn you into a stuttering monster. Only one person actually."

The last words were almost only whispered, but Santana heard them just fine. She knew they were true. Brittany did things to her that nobody else could. It wasn't news to her or to Rachel obviously, but it was still a strange feeling to be faced with the fact. Nothing had really changed over the years, and no matter how hard Santana tried, the blonde still had so much effect on her, in every aspects of her life. She was everywhere.

"I want to try and… Rachel, I, I think…"

"You've made up your mind haven't you ?" The brunette cut her off, trying to help her.

"Yeah…" Santana breathed. "I have. I mean, it wasn't even really a decision to begin with"

"I know, I know…"

"I tried, you know ? I really tried to not want her back anymore, and I fought myself so hard and for too long…" The latina justified.

"Santana, it's ok, it's really ok. I know and love the both of you, and it totally makes sense. I'm on board, alright ?" Rachel paused, before asking : "Sooo, do you need my help ? Any romantic setting idea I have to help you come up with ?" She was obviously trying to cheer her friend up, and make things easier for her.

"No, no I don't want that, this is not how I want to do it. I… I just need you to tell me if… I am doing the right thing, right ? You've been talking to her and spending time with her, and apart from me, you're the one person who knows her the best here… She is sincere right ? She really does love me…? I mean, this is real isn't it ? I'm not crazy for believing it all, am I ? Am I stupid for wanting her and loving her so much, still ?"

Before she could go on with her non-sense, Rachel almost screamed in the phone : "SANTANA!"

The brunette had never heard her friend sound so fragile before, or so open about her insecurities. Sure, when Brittany broke up with her, she hadn't been herself for a very long time, but never ever did she let herself be so eloquent about her feelings.

"Sweetie, she loves you! And she never stopped missing you and wanting you back. I'm sure of it. Just like I'm sure that you still love her and that no one will ever make you feel the way she does."

Rachel could hear the latina do her best to hold her sobs in.

"When she looks at you… It's so unique, you know ? When you two are in the same room, it's almost unbearable to watch you both be so miserable apart… Santana, I won't tell you what to do, but I will tell you one thing : she flew half way across the world for you, not even knowing if you would take her back. The possibility of it was enough for her to drop all her life and get on a plane. Do you have any idea what kind of _love_ and courage that takes ?"

The words echoed in Santana's ear and heart, making her smile as tears came down her face.

"Why didn't you tell me this before ?" The latina asked softly, not reproachfully, just curious.

"You needed to figure things out on your own, I really didn't want to intervene. And I wasn't sure if you would ever drop your 'I don't care' act. Don't give me wrong, I would have supported you either way. But deep down, I think it would have been such a shame if you two didn't work things out. You deserve to be happy, and there's no better way than be with Her."

They talked a little bit more, but soon Santana felt eager to go see a certain blond. She couldn't believe how impatient she was getting all of a sudden, when she had been doing nothing for the last few weeks. It's funny how making up your mind about something can pull a weight off your shoulders. Also she was now very nervous about her next move, she didn't feel like if she was carrying the world anymore. She just hoped she wasn't too late.

When she arrived at Brittany's place, it took her a few minutes to ring the bell. She needed to collect her thoughts and calm herself. This was a turning point in her life, and she wanted to be sure to do everything right. She had no flowers, no candles, no fancy wine or food. But none of that was necessary. She just had to be open about her feelings, her insecurities, her hopes and dreams, all of which she wanted to share with Brittany.

Shortly after she rang the bell, she heard someone approaching to open the door, and was surprised to be met by a disheveled looking Emilie. She seemed equally surprise to find the latina at her sister's door.

"Santana, whoa…" She began but was cut off.

"Hi Emilie… I need to see Brittany, I want to talk to her" As much as she tried, the latina didn't really sound confident.

"I don't think this is the right…"

"Santana ?!" Brittany appeared behind her sister and said before Emilie could finish her sentence; much to the latina's relief. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she seemed very upset.

"What are you doing here ?" The latina was surprised at the tone of her voice. Not what she expected. She didn't sound angry or mad at her, just sad, incredibly sad.

"I want to talk to you, please can I come in ?" Santana pleaded, blaming herself for the blonde's state. She hated the idea of a crying Brittany, and she was the reason for that.

Her ex-girlfriend motioned for her to come in and follow her into her bedroom, so she did. Emilie said something to her sister that Santana didn't understand, and Brittany just nodded at her. When she stepped into the room, she didn't give it one look and started talking immediately.

"Brittany, I'm so sorry about last night! I said some stupid things to you, and I shouldn't have. I was just angry and I didn't mean any of it! I don't want you to leave me alone, I really… And then I left you alone and turned off my phone, because I was so scared that for the first time on weeks you wouldn't call me! I still haven't turned it on by the way…" Santana almost laughed.

Brittany was awfully quiet, just staring at her with surprised and still so sad looking blue eyes. The latina wondered why they weren't turning at least a tiny little bit happier. She brushed the thought off and continued.

"I've been thinking all night and I just… I miss you so much Brittany, and last night made me realize that I need to get over my insecurities and… just be with you. That's why I'm here today and…" She stopped her rambling as soon as she spotted the suitcases on the floor, full of clothes.

"You're going somewhere ?" Santana tried to keep herself from panicking, which was proven to be very difficult at the moment. Her worst fears came rushing in her head and she looked back into blue eyes. Tears were dripping on the blonde's face as she stared back.

Brittany looked so defeated, broken and exhausted that it scared the latina more than anything. When the blonde finally spoke, Santana felt her whole world crumbling down. She couldn't breath or speak anymore. She could only hear the beats of her heart through her ribcage, reminding her that this was real. Shadow took over her as she watched History repeat itself.

"I'm going back to France"


	12. Chapter 12

**Alright you guys, here's chapter 12. Sorry for the long wait, I feel terrible about it, but I really wanted this to be exactly how I imagined it. Thanks for the amazing reviews on last chapter, and thank you for you support. Hopefully this won't disappoint. **

**A special 'thank you' from my awesome friend J. , you're the 'sisi' best and your help is everything. Vraiment.**

**Now on with the reading, and as always, I'm only one PM away.**

**Ps : most translations are at the bottom.**

_**I do not own any of the Glee characters.**_

Chapter 12

_Brittany looked so defeated, broken and exhausted that it scared her more than anything. When the blonde finally spoke, Santana felt her whole world crumbling down. She couldn't breath or speak anymore. She could only hear the beats of her heart through her ribcage, reminding her that this was real. Shadow took over her as she watched History repeat itself._

_"I'm going back to France"_

"Wha... What?" Was all Santana could breath out. Nothing made sense to her anymore. She didn't understand what was going on. Didn't Brittany promise that she wasn't going to leave, ever again?

Brittany took a step closer to her and spoke again "Santana, I have to. I have to and I hope that..."

She didn't want her to finish her sentence, so she did the only thing she could think of. She leaned forward to kiss her, grabbing her face with both of her hands. It was like slow motion. Before she even got to Brittany, Santana felt her heart pound in her chest and her stomach was in knots. She could remember the feel of her lips against hers and how amazing they were, but the excitement for what was going to happen took over her memory.

When Santana pulled away, trying to get back to reality after her mind blanked for a minute. For the first time in months, she could feel herself really breath and a contentment noise left her nose. This kiss was so much better than any souvenir. Opening her eyes, she realized that it was all real and relief ran through her veins as a huge smile appeared on her face. Kissing Brittany had been hypnotizing.

But when her eyes landed on blue ones, she didn't find what she was hoping for. The sight in front of her was so confusing, she had no idea what was happening or why the French girl still looked so distressed.

While kissing back just as eagerly, Santana noticed that Brittany didn't look like she expected. She seemed even more upset after it happened. Santana didn't understand why she seemed so torn and conflicted. Despite the bad feeling in her guts, she decided to push her point a little further.

"Brittany, I know I said some horrible stuff yesterday, but I'm here now. I'm here, ok? This changes everything, doesn't it? You're staying, right?" Santana was pleading more than she was asking a question.

The blonde seemed surprised at the question, and quickly answered in a tiny voice: "No San, I can't stay, I have to go."

Her voice was soft but didn't leave any room for protests, which confused her even more. She did her best to stay calm and focused on the only reason why she came here.

After taking a step back, she urged herself to look at Brittany again and decipher the look in her eyes. She didn't expect to have to fight too hard for her ex-girlfriend, but if that was what she needed to do, she would. It was okay really, she knew she would. Of course she would. However, the tone of Brittany's voice had sent shivers to her whole body. It was like her decision was final and nothing could make her change her mind. The sensation of dread in the pit of her stomach was almost unbearable.

"Brittany, you promised! You promised me… You said that you would give me the time I needed, you said you would wait for me… Please don't go now, don't go again... " Santana started speaking quite loudly but finished in a whisper, barely holding herself together.

A flash came across Brittany's face as her eyebrows shot up and her eyes went wide in understanding. Her features turned serious when she tried to wash away the doubt and fear that she heard in Santana's voice.

"No, San, I'm not... This is not what you are thinking!" She spoke steadfastly and grabbed her arms. She stared intensely into brown eyes and continued.

"I said that I have to go home, San, as in I have no choice. My grandmother was admitted in the hospital, she had a heart attack early this morning. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for you to think that what happened last night was too much for me." She stopped, before adding in a tired voice, more to herself than Santana "Ugh, sometimes I hate that I can't speak in French, it's so frustrating… This is just a huge misunderstanding."

Santana stood there motionless as Brittany explained herself. It all made sense now. She didn't think much of it when she arrived, but now she remembered how Emilie looked disheveled, how she didn't even seem mad at her at all, just concerned about her timing probably. In addition, Brittany's red and swollen eyes, the way the clothes had been badly and hurriedly folded in the suitcase should have tipped her off that something was going on. Everything came into place.

"So you're coming back...?" Santana asked quietly, feeling smaller and more vulnerable than she had planned on appearing. But before Brittany could say anything back, the news she had just been told sank in her mind and she quickly added: "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, this is not the time for this! You have enough on your plate right now, and you have to focus on your family... I didn't mean to sound like an insensitive bitch".

Brittany almost giggled when Santana looked down in shame. She slowly caressed her right cheek as she spoke with a small smile "I am coming back, San. Of course I am. I don't even know how to stay away from you anymore. I don't think I ever did actually, I just acted as if I could, and trust me, everyday was a struggle. I have no idea how I managed to do it this long. And I don't ever want to do that again. I am coming back. But right now I have to… My family, they...".

She wasn't really done talking, but her words faded away as she sighed. Before Santana could say anything, Brittany kissed her lips gently and tenderly. Then she added, eyes still closed "I have been wanting to do that again for so long, you know? I'm never walking away from you again."

Santana gave her a toothy smile, and spoke in embarrassment: "I'm sorry I got crazy for a minute there and assumed the worst."

"Shush now, San, please. I know that I still have a lot to prove to you. But I'm in this for the long run. For the longest run. Can I even say that or did I make up a brand new expression?" Santana smiled at how adorable Brittany was being when she tried new things in English. "Anyway, it's okay if you need more time. Really. And maybe it's the romantic and way too corny French girl in me speaking, but it's okay because time never matters when it comes to you. I'm not done with you, I'll never be done with you."

Both Santana and Brittany remained silent after that. They could only hear each other's calm breathing and noises coming from the other side of the apartment. It was probably Emilie who was finishing her packing. No words were necessary because everything was said in the way both girls were staring at one another. The moment was soon interrupted by Emilie's voice. Santana couldn't understand was she said though.

"_Brittany, le taxi arrive dans 20 minutes, j'espère que tu es bientôt prête!_" She shouted from her room, startling both girl.

"I have to finish packing, the taxi will be here shortly" Brittany groaned in annoyance.

Everything felt incredibly surreal to Santana as she helped Brittany finish her packing. They shared looks that couldn't be mistaken for anything else than amorous looks, sometimes Brittany would even let her fingers linger on Santana's hand when she handed her some clothes. It was almost like if they had fallen back into their old routine, which was a strange feeling for the Latina. She was still a little shy and uneasy about the new developments in their relationship. She knew she loved Brittany, and was craving for everything she was, but at the same time she was freaking out internally.

Soon, it was time for the French girls to leave. Emilie quickly hugged Santana. She managed to whisper in her ear, winking "Don't worry, I won't stop her from coming back"

She smiled back at her, and then turned to Brittany who's eyes were watering.

"This is the worst time for me to leave again...". She breathed out, looking down.

Santana knew where Brittany was coming from. She was right, the wasn't the best time for her to live again. Both women knew it could possibly bring Santana's insecurities out again, when she was only beginning to make progress. But looking at the gorgeous woman in front of her, Santana knew that she had to go home, and she accepted it. She would deal with her fears later, the best way she could, and just wait for her return. Mainly, she would have to do her very best not to get too carried away with any crazy ideas she might have of Brittany not coming back.

"It's ok, I understand. Your family is the priority and...".

"No no, it's not about priorities, because then I'd stay here with you. It's just Family you know ? They mean everything to me and I could not stand the idea of us not being together in a moment where we should all support one another. Living here is a choice that I made and I don't regret it, but it also means that I'm far from them all the time. I can't be over there on an everyday basis for anyone of my family, and I feel guilty about that." She said in a sigh.

Brittany looked at Emilie contemplative and then back at Santana and continued.

"So every once in a while, I'll have to fly across the world to be there for them when they need me, to support them, you know? Either in moment of sadness like this one, or just because I miss them and want to spend time at home or whatever... I want to be there for them and I want to be there for me, because if anything happened, I just couldn't... " Brittany's voice broke into a sob, but she rapidly recomposed herself and stated simple.

"I have to go home."

A few seconds later, she seemed to be debating whether to keep taking or not, biting her bottom lip and shifting from one foot to the other. Santana, who could read her behavior easily, asked softly.

"What is it, Britt?"

"Non non, it's nothing" Brittany tried to brush it off in a fake laugh, but she kept her insecure look all over her face.

"Please, Britt?" Santana tried again.

"It's silly..." The French girl said again, but the look in Santana's eyes persuaded her to speak her mind.

"You won't change your mind about us while I'm gone, right?" Her voice was not even a whisper, and she couldn't even keep her eyes on Santana.

Sure, Santana could have easily seen this coming. Today was the first day since Brittany came back that she had acted warmly towards her and acknowledged their relationship. But she was still surprised at how small Brittany looked and she wondered how she could seriously be wondering this. Wasn't it obvious how much Santana still cared? She took one of Brittany's hand and squeezed it in hers, as she forced her to look back at her. She stared at blue eyes, not saying anything. But with the way they were staring at each other, no words were necessary. Her heart was beating out of her chest, she felt warm and cold at the same and her hands were shaking.

"Don't you know by now, Brittany?" Santana asked in disbelief as she reached into her pocket and took out a folded sheet of paper. It looked old, like if it had been folded and unfolded a million times. But Brittany almost instantly recognized it.

"Here, take it, it's your time to have it." Santana simply said.

"I can't believe you kept this all these years…" Brittany breather out, overwhelmed by what was happening. She hadn't seen this letter in years. More than 5 years to be precise.

"Of course I kept it, Britt." Santana answered in a sweet voice. "You have to go now, but this letter…" she paused, gathering her thoughts, "this letter was what helped me get through the first months without you, because every time I would lose hope or get frustrated or whatever, I just had to read it again. And today, I want you to have it and to hold on to it until you come back. Okay? And know that I will be here, still. I told you years ago that I would wait for you, remember? Well, it's still true."

"I love you" Brittany could only answer, without even thinking about what she was saying. But Santana didn't flinch. She just smiled warmly at her. Brittany took a step in her direction and looked at Santana with hesitating eyes, asking a silent question.

Reading right through her, Santana kept her smile and leaned in to pressed her lips to Brittany's, sweetly, sending shivers and butterflies through her whole body.

Neither one of them noticed Emilie who stepped back inside the place, almost huffing and puffing.

"_Brittany, faut vraiment y aller maintenant, on va louper l'avion à cette allure!_" She urged her sister. (Brittany, it's really time to go now, we're going to miss our flight if you keep this up!)

The girls broke the kiss instantly, but Brittany put her forehand against Santana's, sighing.

"_Je sais, j'arrive, désolée_" She said in a resigned voice, looking back into Santana's eyes. (I know, I'm coming, sorry)

"I'll let you know when I make it there, okay? And I'll call you, or we'll Skype, or we…"

"Brittany, relax! Go, Emilie's going to lose it if you don't go. Be careful, and yes, please, keep my updated." Santana cut Brittany's panicked rambling.

They parted, and it was almost like 5 years ago for them both. Except this time neither one of them felt like they were really saying 'goodbye' though, because this time they were confident that they had something to be looking forward to with one another.

Once on the plane, Brittany took out the letter that Santana had given her, and unfolded it with precaution, like if it was the most precious sheet of paper on earth. She saw her handwriting on it, and remembered how she wrote it on her last day in Lima.

_"Santana, _

_You're about to come pick me up, but I need to take the time to write you this letter before. It will make me feel better to know that you have something to hold on to once I'm really gone. It's hard for me to realize that tomorrow, it will all be different. I can't believe what a huge part of my life you've become. C'est dingue à quel point je tiens à toi. Je ne sais pas comment je vais faire pour me passer de toi._

_Coming here, I knew, or hoped, that it would be an incredible experience. But never in a million years did I imagine that I would meet someone as amazing and unique as you. Parce que oui, tu es plus que parfaite. I didn't even think that that kind of person existed. But you do, you're real, and by some kind of magical luck, you decided that I was worth your time and made me yours. I think I was yours even before you realized it. From the moment I laid my eyes on you, I knew that I wanted to be near you. And ever since, I've spent everyday of this year trying to get as close to you as possible. Dis comme ça, ça a l'air bizarre, mais je sais que tu comprends ce que je veux dire. _

_Tomorrow, it won't be possible anymore. But know that in my head, I'll be with you everyday and I'll miss you every second. You've changed my life for the better, because now I know for sure that I never want to let you go. You're mine, and I'll never stop wanting you to be. You're the most wonderful, unique and beautiful, inside and out, person that I've ever met and ever will. From the start, I knew you were going to be special to me, but I had absolutely no idea how much. C'est juste inimaginable. I want everything with you. Your flaws, your laughter, your bad tempter, your eyes, your mistakes, your smiles, your silliness, your voice, your frowns, your light snoring when you sleep, your giggles, your jokes, your eyes rolls, your sarcasm. Everything It's a long list, I know, but I could easily go on. And you're all I'll ever want. Il faut que tu le saches, et je ne serai jamais fatiguée de te le dire._

_I love you, and I'll come back to you. Tu me manques déjà._

_Brittany"_

She let her emotions run wild as she read the words that she had written all those years ago. It was incredibly powerful, and she almost felt like she did back then, alone in her bedroom, pouring her heart out on a paper to Santana. She also giggled at how much French she put in the letter. She remembered how she let herself speak her mind when she wrote it, writing both languages in the process. When they had talked later on, Santana had asked her what every single French sentence meant. It reminded how adorable Santana had been and how every word had mattered to her. The memory made her smile.

As scared as she was today, to leave her again, she felt more relaxed after reading the letter. She hold on to it and re-read it a few times, before letting herself drift off into sleep. For the first time in months, she went to sleep thinking that things were finally looking up for Santana and herself.

_**Flashback**_

_Rachel was hugging Brittany, but with both of her arms wrapped around her neck and not letting go, it looked more like she was trying to keep her from moving away from her. It seemed as if she never wanted to let go of her. Which was probably the case. Today was the day. The day she was going home. Nothing could change that. Rachel's parents were watching the two girls in front of them with sad eyes. They had said their goodbyes to Brittany already. It was harder than they could have ever imagined a year earlier. Santana was somewhere outside waiting for her. Indeed, she rapidly vanished outside as soon as she was done greeting everyone, with the pretext that she was going to put Brittany's luggage__in the trunk. _

_"I'm going to miss you so much." Rachel sobbed into Brittany's neck, holding on to her clothes. _

_"You too, Rach. We'll Skype all the time, I promise."_

_Brittany did her best to not start tearing up too. She cared deeply for the Berry's. They were her American family, and she would never forget them or everything they did for her. But she knew that she had to keep herself calm and ready for what was next. Santana. Saying goodbye to her. 'Goodbye', as in leaving Lima for good. Not coming back, or at least not coming back in months and months. It didn't make any sense to Brittany. How could it be even possible to not be able to see Santana for such a long time. Everyday of the past year or almost, she had woken up knowing that soon she would see her and talk to her and touch her… And now, it was all supposed to cease, so suddenly. It wouldn't happen again after she got on that plane. Nothing was okay about that. _

_She had done her best to avoid thinking about it, just like Santana apparently did, given how neither one of them addressed the subject after they last talked about it. Which wasn't the smartest move to make, as Brittany realized as she pulled back from Rachel. _

_Santana was the one taking her to the airport, and the Berry's understood that they wanted to be alone for their last moments together. It had been more difficult to persuade Rachel to tell her goodbye from home. She had claimed that she had every right to go to the airport as well, being Brittany's sister and all, and that she would miss her just as much. But soon, or as soon as soon can be, she caved in when Brittany explained to her that she really needed some alone time with Santana on their last day together. Afterwards, the blonde had wondered if maybe Rachel had just complained for the sake of argument and to show her how much she would miss her, while planning on letting them go without her all along. _

_Brittany walked towards the door and spotted Santana, leaning against her car, arms crossed on her chest and head down. It was like if nothing major was happening that day. Like it was like any other time when she would come and pick her up to go to the park or wherever. Brittany sighed at the sight, and stepped outside slowly. She turned around, and took one last look at the house that had been her home here. It had really been her home. She then looked straight at her family, gathered by the door, holding on to each other. Rachel was now fully crying and not holding any tear in. Her face contortioned in sadness as she stared at her for as long as she could. _

_With one last wave, she started walking away from them, feeling the weight of her body getting heavier with every step she took. The moment was incredibly emotional for her, but she managed to keep it almost completely locked inside. Only a few tears made their way down her cheeks as she realized that she would relive this moment in her head forever. When she was almost next to Santana's car, she decided to look back one more time, one last time, and tried to memorize every single thing about what was in front of her. _

_"We have to go now if we want to have some time to be together after you're checked in."_

_Santana's voice startled her. She had spoken to her like a robot would have, or like if she had been talking about a meaningless business transaction or anything that didn't matter to her in any way. Brittany brushed her behavior off once again, knowing she would deal with it later, and waved at the Berry's. She got into the car in silence, and buckled her seatbelt. Santana did the same, still not making eye contact with her, and started the car. She waited a few seconds to let Brittany have the time to take one final look at the 3 people looking back at her, and drove away._

_She knew exactly what was going on, and she wasn't going to let her girlfriend behave this way much longer. Santana was shutting her emotions out, the only way she really knew how to deal with her sadness. Brittany didn't blame her though, but she wasn't going to accept it anyway. _

_"You can't do that." She said as softly as she could, reaching her hand out and letting it rest on her girlfriend's lap. _

_Santana kept her eyes on the road, not answering anything. It was pointless to try to deny that she wasn't being herself. Brittany, on the other hand, stared right at her and squeezed her thigh, before her hand went to Santana's neck to caress it gently. Brittany was once again amazed at how soft and smooth the tanned skin was under her hand. _

_"I've always loved your neck. I love everything about it. The way it feels when I touch it with my fingers, the way you shiver when I kiss it below your ears, how it appeases you when I burry my head in it and press my nose against your skin, right there, under your jawbone…" Brittany stopped speaking, trying to remember every single thing she enjoyed about her girlfriend's neck._

_Santana said nothing for a moment, but took a long look at the girl next to her. Well, as long as she could given the fact that she was driving. Brittany knew that was getting through to her girlfriend. _

_"I'm going to miss your neck so much" She concluded, knowing full well what was coming next._

_"Just my neck?" Santana teased her. Brittany giggled at her girlfriend and at herself, because she knew Santana would react like that. _

_She responded in a giggle, before turning serious again: "No, not just your neck, silly". _

_"I'm going to miss your amazing dimple too. Your beautiful and deep chocolate eyes. You soft and long black hair. They always smell so good, it's the best kind of perfume. I wish I could take that smell with me. Your soothing and raspy voice… When you sing in glee club or when you sing just for me, when you think loudly, when you ramble, when you speak in annoyance to Rachel, when you wake up and it'll all sleepy and hoarse… But my favorite one is when you whisper in my ear. You could say anything in that voice and I'd still melt. So yeah, I wish I could take your voice with me too." _

_Santana clenched her jaw as she was obviously trying to keep her emotions in check, and gripped the steering wheel even harder than she already was. Brittany kept talking though, knowing she needed to keep trying until Santana reacted._

"_You know what I would like to take with me the most though?" She asked smiling._

_Santana shook her head no._

_"Are you sure you don't know?" The blonde tried again._

_Santana remained silent for a few seconds, before speaking in a neutral voice, ignoring her girlfriend's question "We're almost there."._

_Brittany was still looking at her, but stayed silent until the car was parked. As both of them got out, Santana took the luggage out and they walked towards the entrance. Much to Brittany's surprise after seeing how she had been behaving until now, Santana took her hand in hers. She gladly let her do so, and smiled shyly at her girlfriend, who kept her eyes ahead of her. Brittany checked in as soon as she could, which left them time to be just the two of them, before she would have to go through security, alone. They went to the most secluded bench they could find, and sat on it. Brittany spoke first._

_"It's you."_

_"What?" Santana seemed genuinely confused as to what her girlfriend was referring to._

_"What I would like to take home with me the most. It's you. All of you. Not just your neck, not just your voice, or your hair or anything. Maybe I'd hide you in my luggage or something, whatever. The point is, I would like to have all of you with me, everyday. But you already knew that this was what I meant. Am I wrong?"_

_Santana grabbed one of her girlfriend's hand hesitantly. Both girls remained silent for a while. Brittany was waiting for Santana, who seemed deep in thought, to speak up. When she finally did, her voice was not the voice she had used in the car. It was already shaking with emotion, and so gentle. Brittany knew that she was finally dropping her act and letting her true emotions out._

_"If I could, I would lock you up in my house and never let you go." _

_Santana was staring at Brittany's hand, wrapped around hers and brought it to her laps. She seemed so shy and fragile, eyes down and head bowed, with her chin almost rested on her own chest. _

_Brittany's first reaction was to snort in a small laughter, as she imagined how perfect being Santana's prisoner would be. But when she saw the way Santana was acting, she hold it in and only caressed her hand soflty, waiting for her to say more. _

_"I'm sorry about before… I just don't know… I have no idea how to deal with this. I don't want you to go, but I can't hold you back. What am I supposed to do? I feel like today is the day where I'm…I'm losing you, and I'm just letting it happen.…"_

_Brittany scrunched her nose at Santana's pained face. She seemed so helpless and distressed at the same time, it was heart-breaking. She knew that something was bothering Santana. Obviously, since she was leaving Lima and going back to France. But there was something else. And there it was, the reason why she had been so guarded all day. She didn't know how to answer that. Nothing could make either of them feel much better that day. So she just kissed her pouty lips gently and ever so softly. Then she pulled away to look at Santana's sad eyes, trying to say everything that words couldn't. It seemed to work somehow, as Santana relaxed visibly._

_Their last minutes together went by faster than a bullet, and soon it was time for Brittany to go. They made their way towards the customs, not even seeing all the other people around them. Brittany could only focus on how Santana was holding on to her right hand with both of hers, and how she kept squeezing it and unsqueezing it constantly, like if she was trying to remind her that she was there. _

_They walked together for as long as they could, and stopped, not saying anything. Brittany still had in mind Santana's fear of losing her, and had tried for the last minutes to find the right words to show her that it wasn't the end of them. _

_"You know, San, the day I met you, I thought that you would never take the time to talk to me. I mean, I couldn't even formulate a real sentence and make sense, or understand what people were saying to me." She paused, grinning at the memory. It was hard for her to imagine how she could possibly not have understood the words and sentences that now made so much sense. When she started talking again, a sweet smile appeared on her face._

_"And you were so beautiful and confident and on top of the world… I thought that I didn't stand a chance, but still, you were so fascinating to me. I had no idea why, but I felt this urge to be close to you, to discover all that there were to know about you. I had to know you. I literately had to. But then, you did notice me and got to know me… You were so patient with me, Santana, it was amazing to see you try to understand me and use easy words and everything. Now that I know you better, I see how impatient you really are, and it only makes me fall for you even more to know that you did this for me. You totally…" Shaking her head, she tried to find the best way to speak her mind. But telling someone that they completely turned your world upside down is not the easiest thing to do._

_"You just changed everything for me. Nothing is the same now. I have no idea how I managed to live without you all those years before, because now I just can't. Just thinking of it is awful. So just, please, don't think that you're losing me, because that would mean that I'm losing you too, and I just can't handle that, okay?" _

_Brittany hadn't planned on speaking this much, but once she started, it just seemed like she could not stop herself anymore. There were so many things that she wanted to say, so much more than she did even. But when she closed her mouth and stopped her rambling, the way Santana was looking at her told her that she had said more than enough. She was staring at her like she was the most precious and beautiful thing in the whole world. Brittany couldn't stop herself from kissing her, so she did, sweetly. _

_When she looked back at her, she added "This is not you letting me go, and this is not you giving up on us"_

_"How do you do that? You're always saying the perfect things" Santana asked incredulously,laughing and still looking at Brittany in adoration. _

_"Well, I just try to live up to you, honey" she answered on a mocking tone._

_"Whatever" Santana laughed, which, given the circumstances, was incredible. Soon though, she returned to her normal state of distress. _

_Neither one of them needed to say that it was time for Brittany to go. They hugged as tightly as humanely possible for the longest seconds, and Brittany kissed every part of Santana's face, covered with tears. Then she handed her a folded sheet of paper. Santana seemed surprised, but didn't question it, because it wasn't the time. They intensely stared at each other's eyes, before saying the last words they would say to the other one, face to face, in a year._

_"I love you, Brittany. I'll wait for you to come back for me."_

_She was so beautiful, even with her red eyes and sad expression. Santana's eyes were fixated on blue ones, never wavering. She seemed so certain of what she had just said that it warmed Brittany's heart all over again._

"_Je vais revenir, Santana, je te le promets. On va se retrouver et on fera notre vie ensemble. Rien ne va changer, rien ne changera ce qu'on est l'une pour l'autre, parce que rien ne pourrait changer le fait que je t'aime. Tu vas me manquer chaque jour, et je penserai à toi tout le temps... Si tu savais comme j'ai du mal à partir et te laisser. Mais c'est juste quelques mois et on se retrouvera après"_

_Both girls knew that this only made total sense for one of them, but it didn't really matter. Because they knew that they loved each other and that it wouldn't change. Hugging Santana for the last time, Brittany whispered her last words into her ear, before letting go of her. Walking away took every strength that she had in her._

"_Je t'aime"_

**Here are the translations from all the french in this chapter. I'm putting them here for a better fluidity. (Pour ceux qui comprennent le français, j'essaie de faire de mieux dans les traductions mais c'est pas toujours évident)**

**From Brittany's letter : **

**"- It's crazy how much I care about you. I have no idea how I'll manage to go on without you.**

**- Because yes, you're more than perfect.**

**- I know it sounds weird like that, but I know you see what I mean.**

**- It's just unimaginable.**

**- You have to know, and I'll never get tired of telling you.**

**- I miss you already"**

**From Brittany's rambling on the end : **

**"I'm coming back Santana, I swear I am. We're going to find each other again and build our lives together. Nothing will change what we are for one another, because nothing could change the fact that I love you. I'm going to miss you every day, and I'll think of you all the time… If only you knew how it is for me to go and leave you here. But It's just for a few months and then we'll find our way back to each other.**


End file.
